


How to Ban Single-Use Plastics

by soundlessAsdots



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Coming of Age, Environmentalism, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, F/F, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Homophobia, Religion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 64,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24669424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundlessAsdots/pseuds/soundlessAsdots
Summary: It is Pearl Gill's mission to ban single-use plastics in the cafeteria before the end of her junior year. While recruiting new members for the Environmental Club, her crush from calculus class, Rose Diamond, joins and starts asking Pearl to hang out after school. As their relationship develops Pearl must deal with her conservative father who is a pastor and the class divide between her and the much wealthier Rose.
Relationships: Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe)
Comments: 61
Kudos: 101





	1. AP Calculus

**Author's Note:**

> I want people to be aware this might be a tough read (due to the conservative religion depicted here), so keep that in mind before starting this. Pearl's father is a minister in the Assemblies of God Church. It is one of the most conservative religions in the United States.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - Please read before starting this !!! 
> 
> I want people to be aware this might be a tough read due to the conservative religion depicted in this story, so keep that in mind before starting this. This fic will occasionally have moments with homophobia. In this fic, Pearl’s father is a Pentecostal pastor and he is not a great person.
> 
> Religion will not be featured in every chapter. For ones that do, I will put a disclaimer/trigger warning up. I will also let you know if there’s a chapter or section you can skip. The first chapter sets everything up and you can’t really skip it, but other chapters will have parts that can be skipped. 
> 
> In the first chapter, Pearl has recently come to terms with how she no longer wants to follow the religion she was brought up in. To be realistic about this, she still believes in God, but she’s also going through an existential crisis. Several philosophies about “the meaning of life” and everything that comes along with questioning what you believe in will come up. I’m personally agnostic, but I really like philosophy.
> 
> Anyway, just wanted to warn people before they start. This fic will also have a happy ending. I have a loose outline that will put the complete fic at around 20-ish chapters.

When calculus was first period, the sun aligned with the gap in the window's vertical blinds and light poured through, illuminating Rose Diamond's shiny, curly dark brown hair. Pearl liked to think it was a sign from God it was okay to look at Rose. It was okay to imagine Rose talking to her. It was okay to think about her fingers running through Rose's silky strands. It was okay for her to think about what Rose's lips felt like against her own. And if that was okay, then Pearl didn't have to feel guilty about it anymore, which was a relief. Since she stopped repressing the thoughts, it was like a new world opened up to her. Pearl would even say that looking at Rose in class was akin to a religious experience. 

In almost all of her classes, Pearl sat toward the front, but in calculus she chose a seat near the back, diagonally behind Rose Diamond. It allowed Pearl to watch her. For the first few weeks of school, Pearl had even read ahead in the calculus book so she could spend the forty-five minutes of class staring at Rose.

Although they were in the same calculus class, Pearl was a grade below Rose and had never spoken to her. Part of the staring was Pearl building up the courage to say something. _How was your weekend? What do you do for fun? I like that shirt._ (The neon pink crop top). _Your hair is beautiful._ Or even, simply, _Hi, do you need a pencil?_

Rose Diamond sat in class positioned so her thigh obscured her phone. It was obvious she was using her phone. However, the AP Calculus teacher, Mr. Simmons was not going to call her out for it. Rose was the only student he didn't call out for not paying attentions. Others, like Pearl, did not have that luxury. 

For most of the class, Rose texted or was on Snapchat. What was it like being on the other end of Rose's text messages? 

Pearl would imagine receiving text messages from Rose. The black background and the blue and green bubbles of text documenting that Rose knew she existed was the only thing she wanted in the entire world. 

Once, before class, Rose smiled at Pearl when Pearl walked down the aisle between the desk rows. The second Pearl saw Rose's white teeth and realized Rose's eye contact was directed at her, Pearl's whole body fluttered with ecstasy. 

On Wednesday at lunch, Pearl got to the circular table first. When she sat down, she opened her lunchbox and nibbled on some carrots while she observed other students pour into the cafeteria. Rose's table was full. A bulky guy named Sam Dennison was talking to her. Sam looked like he wandered off the set of _Riverdale_ and into the cafeteria. And how can anyone compete with that? With a flirtatious smolder, he kept taking a pen out of Rose's bag and dangling it in front of Rose as she tried to snatch it out of his hand. Rose giggled as she reached for the pink pen. 

A flash of purple hair blocked Pearl's view. Pearl's best friend, Amethyst, had sat across from her. Amethyst's hair had not been brushed. A backward, flat brim white and blue hat partially hid the messy nest of hair on her head. She had a hoop nose ring and always wore a black army jacket held together with safety pins.

Pearl knew her parents hated Amethyst. However, it would be hypocritical, against their religion, to say it outright. Instead they kept asking Pearl to invite Amethyst over for dinner so they could "save her." They were neighbors and every time Pearl asked if she could go to Amethyst's, Pearl's father would give her a pamphlet to give Amethyst. On her way there, Pearl would toss the pamphlet into a neighbor's recycling bin. 

"Yo," Amethyst said. 

"You weren't on the bus today." 

"I woke up late. Then I had to fucking skate here. Jasper wouldn't drive me." Amethyst lived with her older sister, Jasper. Amethyst did not know where their mother was and their father was in a federal prison in West Virginia. 

"That really sucks." 

"Yeah. She's a bitch. What else is new?" Amethyst sighed and rested her head on the table. 

"Are you eating today?" 

"I have study last so I'm just going to leave early. I'll get a sandwich at Fryman's before my shift instead of eating the crap they serve here. You working there today?" 

"I'm not working until Saturday." Pearl shook her head. "Today, I have dance." 

"Oh, you have dah-nce," Amethyst floated her arms out in a mocking, yet hilarious motion as if she were in a modern dance performance. 

"I'm glad you think artistic expression is a joke." 

"I don't. You've seen my beauty tutorials on Youtube." Despite her current appearance being scruffy, usually Amethyst had intricate make-up that probably took a couple hours to complete. She had a small following of three thousand subscribers. Her video demonstrating winged eyeliner had been viewed almost sixty-thousand times. She smiled at Pearl. "It's just ridiculously easy to make fun of you. It's all with love though. I hope you know that." 

"Gee, thanks," Pearl said with sarcasm. 

Amethyst shuffled through her sweatshirt pocket and took out her phone. The screen was cracked in several places and the battery was always at twenty percent or lower. "Which one should I get?" 

Pearl checked her phone. Amethyst sent several pictures of possible tattoos. One of Jasper's friends was a tattoo artist and she told Amethyst she would give her one once she had a design. Pearl told Amethyst it was unsafe and unsanitary to get a tattoo from one of Jasper's sketchy friends. She could get blood poisoning. But that didn't stop Amethyst from sending Pearl pictures of tattoo drawings throughout the day. 

"Did Vidalia draw these?" Vidalia was Amethyst's new friend from an art class they took together. Although Amethyst didn't actually draw. She found it to be an easy blow-off elective because the art teacher, Ms Hiddleston, admired Amethyst's individuality. 

"She drew the lotus." 

"I like that one." 

"Me too." Amethyst texted on her phone. "You could get one too, you know." 

"I think I'm okay. I like not having having blood poisoning. Besides, my parents would kill me." 

"Doesn't your dad have a sleeve?" 

"Yes," Pearl said. "Doesn't mean he'll let me get one though." 

Her father had the sleeve done before he became a pastor. Back when he surfed all day. Back when Pearl was five. Back when Pearl understood him and she could have conversations with him. Now he only sounded like he was giving a Pentecostal TED talk. 

Pearl's friend Garnet took the seat next to Amethyst. Garnet had an Afro and she always wore a jean jacket with patches of causes and figures that were important to her like Ruth Bader-Ginsburg. Pearl admired Garnet's jacket and how every weekend Garnet added a new patch. Once Pearl entered college and left this world behind, she could get a jacket of her own. 

Garnet did not have a lunch either. Since the beginning of the year she had been boycotting lunch period because the school still used Styrofoam lunch trays and single-use plastic utensils. Her arms folded. "Pearl, since tomorrow's the meeting, you need to get up before every one of your classes and explain why we need to ban single-use plastics. Then tell everyone to come to the meeting after school. I read on the internet that people respond better when you tell them the same day something is occurring." 

A month ago, back in September, Pearl had been voted the secretary of the Environmental Club. Garnet, who was the president of the club, wanted everyone to make a speech before every one of their classes and write on the whiteboard when the next meeting would be. "Enrollment in this club is low," Garnet had said. "The only way we're going to save the Earth is if we show more people what's happening and get them actively involved." 

"I can do that," Pearl said. Behind Amethyst's shoulder, Pearl glimpsed over to Rose's table. Sam had his arm over Rose's shoulder now. She probably smelled nice. Like designer perfume and expensive shampoo. How soft was her skin? Sam knew. His hand cupped Rose's bare shoulder. 

Amethyst peeked behind her shoulder, fully knowing who Pearl was staring at. "Do you need some water?" 

"Huh?" Pearl said. 

"Ame, don’t bother her," Garnet said. 

Garnet understood Pearl. Garnet could look into her eyes and know what she meant was not what she was saying. And Pearl appreciated that.

"I'm not bothering her," Amethyst said. Then she rose her eyebrows at Pearl. "Do you want some water? Because you seem pretty thirsty." 

"I..." Pearl wanted to disappear into her cardigan. Why did Amethyst have to make comments like that? 

"I'm just saying...I heard Rose broke up with that college guy, Mike. And last year she was with that senior girl, Emma. They went to prom together. You know what I mean? And now, well, she's not officially with any one. You know what I mean?" 

God, why did Amethyst have to keep repeating, _you know what I mean_? 

"Pierogi, you're hot. She's kind of basic, but she's also hot. I bet you both think each other is hot. Just ask her out." Amethyst flinched. "Ouch! G, why the fuck did you kick me under the table? Jesus!" 

"You know I can't. Besides, Rose doesn't even know who I am." Pearl let out a sad, soft laugh and stood up. "I need to go to the bathroom."

While Pearl walked away, she heard Garnet say, in a loud yet hushed voice, "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm trying to help her!" Amethyst said. 

"You know what her parents are like. And throwing it in her face isn't helping her at all," Garnet said. 

On her way out of the cafeteria, Anne-Marie Heywood, a girl who went to her father's church stopped her. Anne-Marie usually wore pastel colors and Bermuda shorts. "Hey!" Anne-Marie said. At first Pearl, pretended she didn't hear Anne-Marie call after her. Pearl already knew what this was about. 

"Pearl!" Anne-Marie walked next to Pearl. "How's it going?" 

Pearl told Anne-Marie she was fine. 

"You don't have to sit with Amethyst at lunch everyday. We all miss you, you know?" 

The other Pentecostal kids all sat together at lunch and they always asked Pearl to join them. They showered her with attention because of who her father was and that bothered Pearl. It was not a genuine interest in who she was as a person. 

"Yes, I know." Pearl would always say this to them like a song on repeat. What they didn’t know was that Pearl needed Amethyst's friendship. It was one of her only links to freedom. 

She turned a corner into the bathroom. Anne-Marie, thankfully, did not follow her. 

Most of the parents at her church home-schooled their children. Pearl's mother did this with her younger sisters. Pearl had narrowly escaped this upbringing by being born first and living a semi-normal childhood until she was eight. Her father had considered teaching Pearl home as well, but her mother kept Pearl in school when Pearl's math teacher had told her parents that it would be "devastating to her academic potential,” to educate Pearl at home. 

Pearl's father had said Pearl's academic potential did not matter. Eventually she would find a boy to court and then she would be a wife. And then a mother. And then a grandmother. And then she would die (he didn't say this part, but Pearl found it to be the natural progression of this life he had envisioned for her). So it didn't matter if she knew math. But her mother didn't allow him to remove her from public school. It was the only time she had seen her mother disobey her father. 

And it mattered to Pearl. Getting good grades was one of her only chances for escape. Then she could break her father's imagined cycle of a life of antiquated gender roles.

When school let out, Pearl left the front entrance to walk to the dance studio down the street. Behind her, Rose and Rose's best friend Elle Spindler, a petite girl with blonde hair, were talking to one another as they looked at their phones. Both of them wore black leggings and light pink sweatshirts. They probably coordinated with each other every morning. 

"My dad's going to be in Empire City this weekend and my mother went to Paris," Rose said. 

"So, twelve people?" 

Rose was having a party. What would Pearl give to go? Anything. Absolutely anything. 

"Six. Because we both know it will turn into about twelve people." 

"You have to invite Sam." 

"Of course." 

"I would invite Eddie, but he fucking crashed his dad's Corvette into the stone wall on the edge of the convenience store parking lot last week. He's grounded for like a month." 

Pearl knew about the rich kids in school. They lived in a neighborhood on the other side of town, near the bay, and went to a different elementary school. Kids in from this group lived on coastal properties with bright green lawns that were almost a hundred times as big as Pearl's yard. By the time everyone reached seventh grade, the cliques had already been established. Once, in eighth grade, she had been invited to a sleepover party by one of the rich girls in her dance class and could not believe people actually lived in mansions. That's when she understood the stark class divide that existed in Beach City. Rose belonged to this group since father owned a credit card company, Diamond Financial. Last year it went public, which Pearl knew only made Rose's family wealthier. 

Then Pearl turned down the hill, while they ascended the cement stairs toward the senior parking lot. Their voices faded away as the short intersection of their two worlds passed. 

Dance allowed to Pearl forget her current circumstances. Under the bright lights of the dance studio, surrounded by mirrors, she only had to focus on moving her body to the correct, choreographed moves. When she danced, she only had to think about herself. Ballet made her feel lighter. 

To Pearl, dance, much like staring at Rose, was a true religious experience. Nietzsche had said, "I do not know what the spirit of a philosopher could more wish to be than a good dancer. For the dance is his ideal, also his fine art, finally also the only kind of piety he knows, his 'divine service.'" 

Last year, Pearl had read some of his works in the library during her study period because he was the one who said, "God is dead." She had always been taught God was eternal, but some philosophers did not agree. Since death was the end of life, it meant God existed at some point for Nietzsche, but he had to kill God so he could live a happier life. He replaced God with dancing because Nietzsche could control dancing. Through dance, Nietzsche (and Pearl) could see the world through their own perspective and that perspective was the only one that mattered. Dancing occurred on their own terms, not through some text written thousands of years before they were born.

After ballet class, the instructor, Cate, a skinny blonde woman, asked her to stay after to talk. Pearl had a tight grip on her dance bag. Usually Cate only asked people to stay after if she had good news or bad news. For Pearl either option meant inevitable disappointment. When Pearl was fourteen, Cate had told Pearl she sent a video of one of Pearl's performances to the Empire City Ballet Company. They wanted her to audition for their ballet school, which would give her the chance to possibly make the dance company and become a professional ballerina. But her father wouldn't let her audition.

Sometimes Pearl wished she auditioned, or at least had the choice to audition, even though she was not sure if she wanted to be a professional dancer. 

"So, I have this idea for a contemporary ballet piece. Do you still have that rule?" Cate was referring to the rule where Pearl's father forbade her from performing closely with male dancers. Her father's moral superiority on this matter meant Pearl always lost starring roles.

"Yeah," Pearl said. 

"Bummer," Cate said. "It's just that you and Ethan are the two best dancers here and it's, well, if only you two could actually perform together!" 

"I'm sorry," Pearl said. 

"Oh! Don't be sorry! I did not mean to say it like that. I am sorry!" Her brow furrowed. She reached out to Pearl, hands cupping Pearl's shoulders. "Pearl, adhering to your religious beliefs is important to me. I don't want to offend you."

But these weren't her beliefs! Pearl wanted to scream this to the world. However, she could not. She would have to wait until college. Then she could be herself. She had counted down the days. Seven-hundred and fifty-two? Something like that.

Pearl told Cate not to worry about it. Then Pearl waited outside on the sidewalk of the strip-mall housing the dance studio. She checked her phone; her "real" phone. 

Pearl had two phones. Both were older iPhones. The iPhone 6 was the phone her parents gave her; the "Real Phone." The iPhone 7, which was given to her by Garnet, was her "Safe Phone," that she could use without spyware software tracking every letter she typed and every app she opened. One was pink, the other was blue. Pearl used the money she made working once a week at Fryman's to pay the bill. 

Her mother was five minutes away. Pearl took this rare moment of complete freedom and privacy to check her Safe Phone. Anytime Pearl was alone, she checked Rose's Instagram feed. Rose had posted a story involving pictures of a paper cup of coffee from Fryman’s (which immediately made Pearl regret going to dance instead of picking up an extra shift), a salad (which must have been her dinner), a shell she found on the beach, and the sunset over the boardwalk. The amusement park on the pier stood out like a shadow with the pink and orange background sky. 

Amethyst had also texted asking what she was supposed to do for a current event assignment in their American history class. Pearl searched the internet for an article (different than the one she intended to use) and sent the link. 

Pearl shoved her safe phone into her backpack as she saw her mother's car pull into the parking lot. When Pearl opened the door, her two younger sisters, Judith and Ruth, were fighting over a picture book in the backseat. Both of her sisters were significantly younger than her. Judith was nine and Ruth was six. 

Her mother had dark circles under her eyes. The last time Pearl saw her wear make-up was almost a decade ago. Her father did not approve of make-up, which only made Pearl want to wear it. "Hi honey," she said. Her voice was tired. A wispy strand of faded strawberry blonde hair fell over her face. Pearl greeted her mother and took her place in the front seat. They talked about dance and how Pearl wanted to perform with Ethan. 

"Your father would never go for it," her mother said. 

"But Ethan’s not interested in me like that. You know?" 

"Pearl, this is about you, and your body and soul or something like that." She sighed. "I'm too tired to remember the issue he has with it, so no it does not matter." 

Her mother was not as enthusiastic about their religion as her father was. They had not always been part of the Assemblies of God Church. When her father was in his twenties, and they lived in West Palm Beach, he was addicted to heroin. All Pearl could remember from that time period was that she lived with her grandmother for a couple years back in Panama City. It was where she attended kindergarten and first grade. Vague memories of her beginners' dance class popped up when she tried to recall that period of her life. 

When Pearl had gone back to live with her parents, her mother was pregnant and her father was different. He still surfed. He still had shaggy blonde hair. He still had a tattoo of the latitude and longitude digits of his hometown on his shoulder. And he still had a smooth, yet jumbled southern panhandle accent. But he didn't do heroin anymore. And he had "found God," and therefore the entire family now believed in God. Soon after this announcement he became a pastor. Then he found a job for a church in Delmarva.

"Also, don't tell your father that." 

"What?" Pearl asked. 

"What you told me about Ethan." 

"What can't Pearl tell Dad?" Judith said from the backseat. 

"Nothing," her mother said. 

"But I want to know," Judith said. 

"You don't need to know," her mother said. 

They pulled into Whispering Acres Mobile Home Park. Pearl's father's salary as a pastor was low. The small number of people attending her father's church meant their affordable living options were limited. Their two-bedroom trailer, although small, was nice inside. The kitchen had granite counter tops. The walls had a coat of fresh white paint and the linoleum floors with a wood pattern were new. More members at her father's church meant more donations, which meant a salary increase. Did he want to be like those guys in stadiums on television? The ones who sold merchandise and pay subscriptions to hear their word of God. The ones that had VIP seating for pop stars and actors. Pearl hoped he did not have those aspirations. 

Pearl hated sharing a room with her two sisters, but she didn't mind living diagonally across the street from Amethyst. Pearl could see Amethyst's bedroom from her own window. Sometimes they would poke their heads out of their windows while they were texting. Once in a while Amethyst’s laugh was so loud that Pearl could hear it all the way across the road.

When they drove by Amethyst's home, none of the lights were on, which worried Pearl. Jasper's moods were erratic. Once she got back home, Pearl went to the bathroom and texted Amethyst, who said she was watching a TV show on her phone (a show Pearl was not allowed to watch and therefore didn't know what the show was about). Then she never answered Pearl's follow up question. It was normal for Amethyst to forget to text Pearl back. 

As Pearl helped her mother cook dinner, she watched potatoes boil. What was Rose doing right now? If Pearl lived a normal life, she could check her phone and scroll through Rose's Instagram story. But Pearl wasn't normal. The water in the pot boiled and the potatoes softened, so Pearl took the pot off the burner to drain the water. The screech of the screen door opening almost made Pearl spill hot water on her arm. 

"Evening, Pearl!" her father said as he came into the kitchen. He put his hand on Pearl's shoulder and said she would make a great wife for some lucky guy someday since she could already cook. To Pearl that sounded like hell. Then he asked her how dance was. 

"Okay," Pearl said. 

"Just okay?" 

Pearl wanted to say, _Well, they want me to dance with a boy, which is completely normal for ballet, but you believe my body will be tempted and the Holy Spirit will leave my body. Then you'd have to give me an exorcism and you'll have baptize me again._ Pearl had heard him say this before. _Oh and by the way, I don't even like boys, so joke's on you._

"Yeah. Just okay," Pearl said. 

"Do you want to go surfing after school tomorrow ?" 

"I have Environmental Club," Pearl said. 

"Pearl, the rapture will come. You don't need to worry about that." 

Great, Pearl thought. Now her being in the Environmental Club will be another thing for him to mock. 

"You know, we should go surfing on Saturday," Pearl said. Maybe if she changed the subject he would drop the religion talk?

"Saturday it is!" Then he went into his room to change into comfortable clothes. 

Pearl faked going to the bathroom to check her Safe Phone. She closed the door and leaned against it in case someone tried to get in. Amethyst still had not texted her back. Garnet had sent a message on the group text Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst had and told Pearl to remember that she needs to make the Environmental Club announcement before every one of her classes tomorrow. 

**Pearl:** Have I ever forgotten about something that important before? :P

 **Garnet:** No. I just want to make sure we have enough people this year to actually make a difference and ban single-use plastics. 

**Pearl:** Don't worry. I have a whole thing planned. 

**Garnet** : Good :) 

**Amethyst** : nerds

 **Garnet:** you're welcome to come too 

**Amethyst:** i hav stuff to do

 **Garnet:** Like what? I have a hard time believing you have more important things to do. Besides it will look good on your college applications. 

**Pearl:** There's nothing nerdy about caring about the environment! We all have to live on this Earth, Amethyst, and someday you'll regret not participating more. 

**Amethyst:** College?! HAHAHAHAHAHA good one, g. your hilarious i'm hanging with vidalia tmr anyways 

**Amethyst:** oh and P, I saw Rose at Fryman's today. don't worry she was just with that stuck up girl whose her bff not that fuck boi she sits with at lunch. 

Why did Amethyst need to mention this to Pearl? She decided not to answer Amethyst. 

Amethyst sent a gif of an old cartoon Pearl had been allowed to watch before her family converted to Pentecostalism. Now her father said it promoted the work of the devil. She remembered it being funny. 

"Pearl!" her mother called her to the kitchen to help finish cooking dinner. 

Before dinner, her father prayed for a multitude of things, one of which included finding a boy to court Pearl and become her husband. If she found someone soon, she wouldn't need to go to college. This was news to Pearl. 

"Well, I'm in AP Calculus and I think I want to be an engineer," Pearl said as she stared into the mashed potatoes she made earlier. 

"And we are so proud of you for that," her father said. "But why would you want to be an engineer? You will be a great teacher for your children someday." 

Pearl glared at her mother, who did not look Pearl in the eyes. Pearl was on her own with this. 

When Pearl lay in bed that night, hiding under her covers, scrolling through Rose's Instagram feed, she finally received a response from her earlier message for Amethyst (even though Amethyst had responded to the group text). 

**Amethyst:** its a show about a lady assassin. youd probs like it a lot ill send you my login info

Amethyst's trailer was close enough that if Pearl positioned herself on her bed and faced the wall, she could get Amethyst's WiFi, which did not block out any websites. 

Pearl's sisters were asleep. She grabbed a pair of ear-buds, downloaded the app, and put in the log-in info that Amethyst gave her. As the array of choices into a realm of pop culture she had never been able to experience appeared before her eyes, Pearl wondered why she had never asked Garnet or Amethyst for their log-ins for streaming apps before. Under the covers, she watched the first episode and decided she would continue through the entirety of the show. 

In the morning, Pearl grabbed her skateboard from her closet. She would need it to get from Environmental Club to the church later in the day. She down and examined the wheels to see if they needed to be replaced. After strapping it to her backpack, she left for the bus stop. In the kitchen, her mother was trying to feed Pearl's sisters breakfast. Pearl waved goodbye and mentioned that she would not be home right after school because of the Environmental Club meeting.

"Have fun," her mother said as she poured cereal into a bowl. 

Later, in calculus, Pearl took her seat in the back of the classroom. Mr. Simmons said he would give Pearl five minutes at the end of the period to give "her spiel," about the Environmental Club. In class, Rose had not looked up from her phone for the entirety of the period. Blue bubbles kept appearing on Rose's phone. Some of the messages had hearts. Pearl could not see the words, but the heart emojis made Pearl's stomach drop. Her mind buzzed with scenarios. But in her heart, she knew that it was probably Sam. He had been flirting with Rose for weeks; since the beginning of school. 

"Pearl, what's the limit?" Mr. Simmons was now standing in front of Pearl. His arms crossed as he looked down at her. 

Pearl analyzed the graph on the board. "The limit is two." 

"So you were paying attention." 

Of course she was paying attention. Paying attention was her only way out of a life just like her mother's. Besides, she had read ahead the other night to prepare for the rest of the week. 

"You want to go up and make your speech now?" he asked. 

Pearl nodded. Then Mr. Simmons announced to the class that Pearl would like to tell the class about the Environmental Club. 

She stood in front of the class. The twenty heads of her classmates, staring at her or their phones under the desk, made Pearl look down at jeans and her teal canvas sneakers. Not everyone was actually paying attention to her. No pressure then. She turned around and picked up a black whiteboard marker to draw the shape of Texas on the board. When she turned back around, other students had half-lidded eyes, leaning their elbows on their desks and resting their chin in their palms, staring out past Pearl, into space. Others had their eyes glued to their phones. A few looked up, interested in what Pearl had to say. 

"This is the state of Texas. It's the largest US state area-wise after Alaska, with an area of 268,597 miles. That's like twenty-five Delmarvas." Pearl turned back toward the board, took a red marker, and drew a large circle around her drawing of Texas. When she stared out into the crowd, Rose was on her phone, but Pearl couldn't worry about what Rose was doing right now. "See this circle? This is the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, a massive hunk of 80,000 metric tons of trash that's twisted together and floats like a barge out into he ocean!" 

Pearl could sense her hands moving wildly as she explained this. 

"We have to ask ourselves what's the cost..." She started walking around the front of the room. Aidan Charles, who sat in the front, had a clear, single-use water bottle in front of him. On impulse, Pearl grabbed the water bottle off his desk. Then the entire class looked up. One kid had his phone out under his desk as if he was filming Pearl. "Every time we drink out of a disposable water bottle and add it to the trash, we add one more item to the Garbage Patch. Oh, but what about recycling, you ask?! Only three out of ten plastic water bottles actually get recycled!" Pearl crushed the water bottle between her grip in an impulsive act of dramatic effect. 

Aidan said, "What the hell?" 

"Sorry...I will make that up to you." Pearl said with a mumble. She cleared her throat, set the crushed plastic back onto Aiden's desk, and glanced at the rows of desks.

Rose looked up from her phone, smiling as she watched the demonstration. Then Pearl's blue eyes stared into Rose's almond ones, making a connection that caused Pearl to pause in the middle of her speech and grin back. Rose had acknowledged her existence and gazing into Rose's eyes made Pearl feel like Rose could like her back. Her heart wanted to explode out of her chest. 

Pearl averted her eyes away from Rose's and continued her presentation. "Our cafeteria hands out plastic forks and knives with almost every lunch purchased. They also give you a Styrofoam lunch tray. Almost six hundred lunches are sold each day. That means we - as a school - are polluting the Earth with almost eighteen-hundred pieces of single-use plastic products each day. That's nine thousand pieces a week. And over a million each school year. Oh, but don't we recycle those?! That's what the school board says. But, remember what I said about only three out of ten plastic water bottles being recycled? Well, apply that to the single use plastics in the cafeteria. We are killing this Earth and we're only one school district!" 

Then Pearl wrote the Environmental Club information on the board and encouraged everyone to take a picture of it with their phones if they wanted to come to the meeting after school. When she sat back down in her seat, to her surprise, Rose turned behind her. Her luscious curly brown hair moved like a mermaid's underwater. Her lips curved up, showing a row of perfect, white teeth. Rose seemed to move in slow motion. For a moment, Pearl almost blacked out because she felt like she was in a movie. 

"Do you go to every meeting?" Rose was leaning over toward Pearl. 

"I'm the secretary. I have to record everything we talk about. So of course I do," Pearl said. 

"Cool. I think I'll check it out." 

"Really?!" 

"Yeah," Rose said. "I'll see you there?" 

Pearl rushed to get up from her seat with manic energy and swept her books off her desk. “You will see me there! And I'll see you there! Room 314. Both of us there. At the same time. In the same room. Can’t wait!” 

"Same! Can't wait!" Rose said. 

Pearl walked down the hallway in a daze, hugging her AP Calculus textbook. People like Rose did not like her. And Rose was not just anyone. She was beautiful, popular, nice, and caring. Also, Rose did not only just acknowledge Pearl’s existence, she specifically asked Pearl if she was going to be at the meeting. Pearl’s pocket buzzed and when she checked the notification on her Safe Phone, it was from Instagram and said: pinkdiamond02 requested to follow you. 


	2. Don't Be Afraid of Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to make future chapters shorter.

Pearl was late for lunch because she spent twenty minutes in the bathroom stall staring at Rose's follow request on her Safe Phone with a dumb smile plastered across her face. She took a screenshot of the request to remember it forever. Yes, she knew that sounded ridiculous, but this was Rose. Shortly after Pearl obsessed about the follow, Rose sent her a direct message. 

**pinkdiamond02** : Hey :) What's your number? 

The fact that this was happening made Pearl lean against the door of her bathroom stall as her chest thumped with excitement and anxiety. Part of her could not wait to see if Rose felt the same about her. The other part of her knew this could easily end in disaster. 

It was like dance class with Cate where Pearl seemed to be unable to fly under the radar. Cate always tried to help Pearl succeed, but every chance she had was squashed because of her father's religious beliefs. 

Pearl would have to tell Rose about her father. All that had to happen for Anne-Marie to find out, was to see them exchange an intimate moment in the hallways. And then Pearl's father would find out and she would be on a plane to the Dominican Republic within three days. Just like that boy from church, James. No one had seen him in a year. When people asked his parents how he was doing, they would say, "James is enjoying camp, improving himself, and doing charity work in the Dominican Republic." 

She did not want to be James. 

Pearl gave Rose her phone number and then she received a text message. 

**Rose:** It's Rose <3

God, Rose was not shy at all which only made Pearl panic even more. Pearl didn't speak to people who didn't talk to her first. The speech in front of class was an anomaly. Garnet's insistence and the sake of the planet drove her motivation to go up there. She could not imagine doing something like that often. How should she respond? She didn't know and decided to ask Garnet because Amethyst would probably tell her to send Rose something way too flirty for a first text message exchange. 

After grabbing her backpack from her locker, Pearl rushed to the cafeteria. She had missed more than half of the lunch period. Amethyst and Garnet were already at a table discussing Amethyst's idea to get a tattoo. 

"But is this person a trained tattoo artist?" Garnet said. 

"She's training. Like she needs a portfolio before she can get an apprenticeship," Amethyst said. 

"And you want your body to be part of her amateur portfolio? Please don't tell me you actually think this is a good idea?" Garnet said. 

Pearl sat down at the table. The corners of her mouth twitched as she tried to contain her excitement. Rose Diamond had just asked for her phone number. Rose Diamond had sent her a text message with a heart. Nothing would ever be the same again. 

"What are you so happy about? Did the school add another calculus class?" Amethyst said. 

"We already have two classes," Pearl said. "AB and BC. I'm in B--" 

"I don't actually care.” Amethyst smirked and said, "Dude, you're so high key it's like there's a giant sign on your face that says, 'P is tweakin'!'" 

"Amethyst is not wrong about that," Garnet said. 

"Fine. I, um, well..." Pearl said. Over at Rose's table, Rose sat next to her friend Elle. Sam was across from them. Within seconds, Rose noticed Pearl and waved to her, mouthing, "Hey." Pearl waved back, which made Garnet beam and Amethyst turn around to see what was going on. 

"Oh!" Amethyst said. 

"You actually talked to her?" Garnet said. 

"She talked to me first," Pearl said. "She's going to come to the Environmental Club meeting after school." 

"That is awesome!" Garnet said. "But have you figured out what you're going to do about, well, you know..." 

"Not exactly," Pearl said. 

"Well, good for you, P," Amethyst said. 

"You don't sound surprised," Garnet said. 

"What do you mean?" Amethyst said. 

"You're like faking your surprise," Garnet said. 

"Uh, no I'm not," Amethyst said. 

Pearl's eyes widened when she realized Amethyst saw Rose yesterday while she was working at Fryman's cafe. What did Amethyst say to her? If Amethyst was too obvious, then Pearl would be screwed. 

"What did you say to her yesterday?!" Pearl said.

"I-well..." Amethyst forced a toothy smile and her eyes filled with worry. "Okay, so she came into Fryman's. And I was like, 'Hey, you're in my friend's calculus class.' And she was like, 'Really?' And then I said, 'Yeah, it's Pearl Gill.' She was like, 'Oh she sits behind me.' And I said, 'she's pretty hot, huh?'" 

"Seriously?! Why would you say that?" Pearl said. 

"I was trying to help." Amethyst winced. 

"You see that table over there?" Pearl subtly gestured over to the Pentecostal kids' table. "Do you know what will happen to me if they find out?" 

"I promise I kept that in mind and I was chill about it. Kay? Let me finish," Amethyst said. "After I said you were hot, she like agreed. Then she said, 'Isn't she a Jesus...lover?'" 

"She said 'freak,' didn't she? I know what people call me," Pearl said. 

The adrenaline rush of Rose's mutual attraction to Pearl was undercut by Pearl's reputation of being called a 'Jesus Freak.' The Pentecostal kids at school wore the term like a badge of honor. Some even had t-shirts with the phrase written on it. There was a song about it by a Christian rock band. 

Back in seventh grade, Pearl had a heated argument about evolution with their life science teacher. For most of her life, Pearl had been taught creationism. After class Garnet pulled her aside in the hallway and pointed out the textbook said otherwise. Some scientists, named the Leakeys had found a skeleton of a hominid related to humans. They had evidence of links, each a different type of hominid, showing the slow evolution of humans. The textbook had pictures. Then Pearl went to the library and found more books. They all had similar pictures. They all said the same thing. There was a short documentary about a hominid called, "Lucy," and the anthropologists who found her. Pearl believed the textbook and the documentary because it made sense. From that moment forward, Pearl applied the scientific method to almost everything. And she was eternally grateful for Garnet showing her the truth. 

However, the story of Pearl's argument with the teacher had spread throughout school. And the name had stuck: Pearl the Jesus Freak. 

"Well, she called you that," Amethyst said. "And I said, 'No that's her dad.' And she was like, 'really?' And I was like, 'yeah.' And she was like, 'interesting.'"

"That's it?" Pearl said. 

"Yeah," Amethyst said. 

"Honestly, that doesn't sound that bad," Garnet said. "I actually think Amethyst handled it well."

"Aww, thanks, G!" Amethyst said. 

Pearl opened her text messages and showed them what Rose sent her. 

"What do I say?" Pearl said, looking toward Garnet. 

"Tell her you want to do her," Amethyst said. "That's what I did with Vidalia. And guess what I'm doing with Vidalia after school today." 

"No. Don't do that," Garnet said. "I think you have two options. You respond with something like, 'Can't wait till the meeting after school.' Then end it with a smiley face or a heart emoji. It's your call." 

"I don't know what my call should be though," Pearl said. 

"Well this is the moment you decide that," Garnet said. 

Pearl typed out, _Can't wait to see you at the meeting after school._ Her finger lingered, hovering above the emoji keyboard. Deciding which one to use killed her. What would Rose think? Would Rose tell people what she wrote? This textual evidence could come back to haunt her in ways that other people didn't have to worry about. 

"Oh my God, Pearl, just send it!" Amethyst said. "You've been staring at your phone for like five minutes! Like lunch is almost over." 

"I'm sure whatever you send her will be fine," Garnet said. 

She chose the heart. Because Rose chose the heart. Because Pearl was tired of living like she shouldn't care about Rose. 

Closing her eyes, Pearl set her phone face down on the lunch table. "I did it." 

"What did you put?" Amethyst asked. 

"The heart one." Pearl opened her eyes. Over at Rose's table, Rose was reading her phone, smiling. She typed something, looked up, and made eye contact with Pearl.

 **Rose:** Same <3

Pearl became light-headed. She wanted this so badly. Part of her wished Amethyst had never talked to Rose because then she could just observe Rose from a safe distance like she did before. Accepting her fate would inevitably cause problems. Pearl knew this. However, if she thought of this as fate, then it was meant to happen. Maybe God wanted this to happen?

After school, before the meeting started, Pearl spent thirty minutes mentally preparing herself in the basement's girls' bathroom. No one ever went in there since it had not been updated since the sixties. Her hands gripped the sink and she looked in the mirror, telling herself to, _Be cool. This is your chance to be her friend or more than friends. Preferably more than friends._

Right before the meeting started, Pearl had been staring at her desk and twiddling her thumbs while everyone piled into the classroom. What would she say? She should have practiced "hellos." _Hi, Rose. Did you have a good rest of the day? Mine was okay. Oh and, by the way, I think you're beautiful_. That wouldn't work. That was weird. 

"Hey, Pearl?" Garnet said, but Pearl was only half listening. A dozen scenarios played out in her head. One involved Pearl throwing up on her desk in front of everyone. Because that's how she felt. Like she was going to embarrass herself and defile this desk with her nervous stomach. 

"I know you're nervous, but you have to stop being so extra," Garnet said.

"I'm not being extra!" Pearl sunk down into her seat and her arm accidentally swiped her notebook off her desk, plopping it onto the floor. 

"Oh, you're not?" Garnet said with sarcasm. 

As Pearl picked up her notebook from the floor, Rose entered the classroom. She waved to Pearl and sat at the desk next to Pearl. Rose's powder blue Frjallraven was on the floor. Then she said, "Hey," in the most casual way possible with her body positioned toward Pearl. 

"Hey," Pearl said, focusing on her notebook. She could smell Rose's floral, fruity perfume. What kind was it? Pearl had this weird idea to buy some and spritz it onto her own pillow. (She knew this may take her obsession too far). 

"Thanks for inviting me," Rose said. 

"No problem," Pearl said. 

"How long have you been part of this?" 

"Like since freshman year." 

"So, you really like the environment, huh?" 

"Well, we only have one." 

"I think that's really chill." 

"Oh, thanks." Pearl could feel herself blushing and she wanted it to stop. 

Then the meeting started. Garnet had an idea to make a petition to ban single-use plastics and have people from the student body sign it. Then her, Pearl, and Harry, the Vice President of the club, could try to convince the principal to present in front of the school board. Garnet showed everyone how to use their phones and tablets to have people sign the petition. Pearl recorded the meeting in her notebook.

After the meeting, Pearl took her time putting her stuff in her backpack. As she slowly put one pen in the pocket at a time, Rose meandered over to her desk. "Again, thanks for the invite." 

"Oh no problem," Pearl said. "I mean, I think everyone needs to be more environmentally conscious and I'm really happy that you came to hear about how we can improve and save the Earth." Why hadn't Rose left the room yet? Why was she talking to Pearl? 

"I agree. I think I'll keep coming to meetings." 

"Really?!" She wanted to come to meetings? Did she care about the environment or did she care about Pearl? Pearl would prefer for it to be both.

"Yeah." Rose set her hands on Pearl's desk and leaned forward. Pearl's cheeks heated up. "What are you doing now?"

Pearl had plans to go to the library and do her homework. Then she was going to skate to the church and go to youth group, like she did every Thursday. Why did Rose need to know what she was doing now? Maybe she wanted to hang out. 

"Nothing," Pearl said. Because if someone is asking if you have plans and you want to be with them, you always say, "No." Amethyst had taught her this. 

"Awesome. You want get pizza?" 

Pearl didn't eat pizza, but she would choke it down if it meant spending more time with Rose. "I would love to get pizza." 

"I'll drive us there." 

As they walked down the hallway, they talked about calculus. Rose had a spot on and amusing impression of Mr. Simmons, right down the the grandiose hand gestures and droning voice, which made Pearl giggle. Out in the parking lot, Rose smiled and gestured to the skateboard attached to Pearl's backpack. "You skate?" 

"Um, yeah." 

"Are you good?" 

Pearl could do several tricks. Kickflips. Ollies. Pushing. Pop shove-it. Front side 180. Heel flip. Casper flip. And more. Amethyst was better than her, but Pearl had only been skating for two years. It was similar to ballet. Skater guys would never admit this though. Foot positions had to be precise and turns had to be graceful. When completing a trick in skating, the skater had to commit in order to complete the trick. Bailing in the middle was not an option because it would ruin the trick and the skater would fall. Like in ballet, the skater, like a dancer, could not be afraid of falling. Nietzche had said the now cliche line, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Taking risks made life more interesting. Right? 

"I'm all right, I guess," Pearl said. 

"Can you show me a trick?" 

Show Rose a trick? Well, they were in the school parking lot, which was mostly empty right now. But there were signs everywhere saying NO SKATEBOARDING, NO ROLLERBLADING, NO RIPSTICKING, NO HOVERBOARDING, NO SCOOTER RIDING and WALKING ONLY and NO LOITERING and ALL OFFENDERS WILL BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW, which was a fine of three hundred dollars and the confiscation of the recreational object, which in Pearl's case, was her skateboard. Coughing up three hundred for the fine and then another two hundred for a new skateboard would take Pearl months and several extra shifts at Fryman's. Plus she would probably be grounded, which meant she could not work or go anywhere for at least a month, which, in Pearl's opinion, was worse than going to jail. 

"What about the signs?" Pearl said. 

"What about them?" Rose said. 

"Well, it says don't skateboard here or I'll be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law." 

Rose turned her head, looking around. Then she took a step closer to Pearl, standing inches away. Rose was slightly taller than her so Pearl had to crane her neck up. She could feel Rose's warm breath against her cheek. It was minty and biting like wintergreen Trident. Goosebumps prickled up and down her arms. 

"But no one's around," Rose said. "Do you always follow the rules? Even when no one is looking?" 

No one looking? What did she mean by this? Was this code for something? Pearl was awful at this type of talking. Were they flirting? Pearl could not tell. 

"If no one's looking, then it means I wont get caught, right?" Pearl said.

"Yeah, exactly," Rose said. 

"If I wont get caught then, I suppose I can do whatever I want." Pearl unhooked her skateboard from her backpack. "I mean, for example, I dance." 

"I bet you're graceful. Just judging by the way you walk," Rose said. 

"Um, thanks. I guess so." Pearl had never been good at accepting compliments. "It's just that I'm not allowed to dance with boys. My father wont let me because he thinks it's against our-his religion. He considers it premarital relations. So I can't. If I went behind his back, he would know because he goes to all of my performances. But if he didn't go, then I would do it anyway. Because it's ballet and almost all of the lead roles involve dancing with a male dancer. And it's dumb and ironic because I don't even like..." Peal paused. "You know what I mean?" 

Rose stared at her feet. Then she reached out for Pearl's hand. When Rose's fingers curled around Pearl's palm, Pearl could feel her heart beat faster and her mouth turn dry. 

"I understand," Rose said. "And I'm sorry that you can't." Then she released Pearl's hand from her gentle grip. 

"Thanks." Pearl set her skateboard on the ground. "Could you hold my bag for me while I--" 

"Of course!" Rose accepted Pearl's bag, a navy blue low-end Herschel backpack her mother found at an off-price retailer. 

Pearl stepped on her skateboard and breathed in. She took a moment to check and see if any teachers or the school's resource officer were around. But they weren't. It was quiet. All she could hear was the sound of birds chirping and the tree branches brushing against each other in the wind. Pearl skated, doing a kickflip, committing to positioning her feet and using her foot to flip the board, landing perfectly. She stopped and popped the tail of her skateboard, using the scouse kick to catch it in her hands.

Behind her Rose ran up to Pearl said, "Oh, my God, that was lit! You're so good!" 

"I mean, it's just a kickflip. You should see Amethyst," Pearl said. Amethyst could do a Beta flip and a 360 heelflip. Seeing Ame perform those tricks was actually lit. 

Rose set her hands on Pearl's shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "Don't doubt yourself like that."

The stare was intense. Rose's brown eyes were full of worry and admiration, a combination Pearl had never experienced before. Rose's investment in Pearl's confidence made her feel flushed and emotional, like she could break into tears. Instead, she wrapped her arms around Rose into an impulsive embrace. Rose reciprocated. Her gentle, tight hug made Pearl feel warm and safe. Rose smelled like her floral, fruity perfume. Pearl inhaled and buried her face into the crook of Rose's neck. In the quiet of the empty parking lot, Pearl could feel and hear Rose's heartbeat. In that moment, Pearl felt like she became part of Rose. They stayed like that for a while, until Pearl pulled away, her face hot and her hands shaking. 

It was the best hug Pearl had ever been given. 

"You still hungry?" Rose asked. 

"I am," Pearl said. 

Rose led Pearl to a brand new Mercedes sports car coupe. 

"It's cool your parents let you borrow their car to drive to school." 

"Oh, uh, this is my car." Rose blushed from embarrassment. 

Before Pearl could say anything, a petite girl with dirty blonde hair appeared from behind the car. It was Elle. "Where were you?! We were supposed to go to your house and do homework and listen to that Chloe x Halle album. It's been like over an hour!"

"Sorry, Elle. I really am." Rose walked over to Elle and gave her a hug, while Elle's arms stayed by her side. "I just, I'm not feeling so great and I told Pearl I would drive her home because she missed her bus." Rose turned back to Pearl as Rose's arm rested around Elle's shoulders. "Right, Pearl?"

"Yeah. That's right. _Missed_ my bus." Pearl was bad at lying. She was much better at omitting the details all together. 

"Anyway, Pearl, this is my best friend in the entire world, Elle." 

Maybe Pearl should have seen this as a red flag; that Rose was lying to her "best friend in the entire world," but she wanted to become friends with Rose so she could embrace Rose again like they just had in the parking lot. Hormones eradicated any common sense Pearl may have had. 

Pearl said, "Hi," and Elle did the same. 

"Pearl is in my calculus class. She's, like, really smart," Rose said as they got into the car. Pearl sat in the backseat since Elle went for the front passenger side like it was a deep seated habit she would never be able to break. 

As they drove, Elle went on about how she was planning her eighteenth birthday party and how her parents were going to rent a yacht.

"Is your birthday coming up?" Pearl asked. 

"It's in late May," Elle said. It was currently late October. Why would someone need seven months to plan a birthday party? 

They pulled onto a street thick with trees. Pearl knew the landscape was like this on purpose: to hide the mansions from people's views. Long driveways snaked through the wooded areas, leading to houses Pearl could only dream of living in. She suddenly felt dumb for thinking Rose was borrowing her parents' car. 

"Wait," Elle said. "You're dropping me off first? That makes, like, no sense." 

"Pearl lives farther away." 

Elle looked back at Pearl in the back seat and said with slight disgust, "I know she does. So why wouldn't you drop her off first? Rosie, we live on the same street."

The glare made Pearl cower in her seat. Elle had a wild look in her eyes like she saw Pearl as prey. 

Rose laughed, probably out of nervousness. "Elle, be chill. Okay? Pearl needs to get her calculus notes at my house. She let me borrow them for the test because--" Rose switched her voice to a sing-song tone, "she's like a math genius." Pearl realized Rose could lie like it was no big deal. Her lies were like poetry; beautiful, lyrical, and hidden with meaning. 

After Rose dropped Elle off, she gestured for Pearl to sit in the front seat. They watched Elle enter the large stone mansion with a bright green backyard and gardens that seemed to go on forever, at least until the grass met with the sea. 

"Sorry about her," Rose said. 

"It's okay." 

"She's, like, been my best friend since kindergarten. And our parents are friends. I love her and everything, but sometimes she can be a bit extra, you know?" 

"I can see that." 

"Pizza?" 

Pearl nodded. She had never wanted pizza so badly. 

At Fish Stew Pizza, Rose had ordered a large half meat lovers, half cheese pizza. Pearl explained that she was trying to be a vegetarian. She nibbled on the slice of cheese, forcing herself to consume at least one slice. 

"Vegetarian?" Rose asked. 

"It's better for the environment," Pearl said. 

"Really?" 

"The environmental impact for meat production is astronomical. Also what they do to the animals at the factory farms is abuse. It's just been hard because I really like chicken and my mother has been getting irritated with me for eating mostly side dishes for dinner." 

"Wow." Rose looked down at her pizza slice. "I never thought about what happens to the animals or the environment when I eat." 

"There's a documentary I can show you." 

"I'd like that." Rose smiled at Pearl for a quick second. Then her eyes darted away in the other direction. "So what else do you like to do besides save the Earth?" 

"Well, you know I do ballet and that I skateboard. I like to read. And surfing..." 

"Surfing! Seriously?" 

"Um, yeah." 

"That is so chill!" 

"Thanks." 

"Can you teach me?" 

"Are you serious?" Pearl asked

"Of course I am."

"I can do that." 

"I would really like that." Rose squeezed Pearl's hand. The warmth of her hand lingered. Pearl felt like she could die at this moment and everything would be okay. 

"How-how about you?" Pearl asked. 

"I..." Rose paused. "I like parties? Snapchat? Hanging out? Driving around?" She laughed. "I don't actually have any interesting hobbies. Dumb, huh?" 

"Sometimes it takes a while to find something you're passionate about," Pearl said. 

"Yeah?" 

Pearl nodded. "Yeah. And I don't think any of those things are dumb."

Rose bit her bottom lip, probably trying to suppress a smile. "You're sweet. 

In the car, Rose sat at the driver's seat and turned the car on. But she didn't put the car in drive. Instead, she turned the radio on low. A distant look made her stare out through the windshield. Then she turned to Pearl, resting her face against the back of the leather seat. The sun was setting, and, much like in first period of calculus, the light poured through the sunroof and onto her face, revealing the smattering of freckles across her nose. Was this a sign from God?

"If you want to, you can kiss me," Rose said. 

"I can?! Okay," Pearl said. What was this blunt declaration? Was Pearl dreaming? Did she fall asleep in the car? Did she fall into another dimension? And most important, was she going to kiss Rose? 

Both of them sat in silence. Neither looked at one other. Pearl couldn't move. She was too afraid. It felt like a pill was stuck in the back of her throat. 

"I'm really sorry. I could have phrased that better," Rose said, breaking the tension. "It's just, uh, God how do I say this? You're my favorite part of calculus class. If you don't feel the same, I understand. I just, well, I got this vibe from you. And like every time you walk into calculus, I try to, like, smile at you, but usually you're there before me and you're looking down, staring at your notebook. But the times where I did smile at you, you smiled back." 

Favorite part of calculus class? Always tried to smile at Pearl? How was Rose able to be so confident about everything? Shallow breaths made Pearl feel like the roof of car was closing in on her. The words spilled out of her mouth. She wanted Rose to know because she was also Pearl's favorite part of calculus class. "You're my favorite part of calculus class, too," Pearl said. 

A sudden, joyous pain of excitement cramped Pearl's abdomen. Pearl's gaze slowly moved from looking forward to staring back at Rose. 

"I think you're gorgeous," Rose said. 

"You're all I think about!" Pearl's manic, urgent tone made her feel like a crumpled up piece of paper. She had to calm down, but it was difficult as she could not believe this was actually happening. 

Rose shifted, leaning in until their faces were so close that, with one, slight head turn, Pearl's nose could touch Rose's.

"So, like I said, you can kiss me if you want to," Rose said. 

When their lips met, Rose slipped her tongue into Pearl's mouth. Pearl had never kissed anyone before and had no idea what to do, so she stayed frozen in place as Rose kissed her. When Rose pulled away, Pearl said, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I'm sorry I'm not good at that. I've never really done it before." 

"You were fine." Rose had a gentle smile on her face. "Can we do that again?" 

Pearl grinned back. "Yes." 

Rose suggested they move to the backseat, which made Pearl nervous since she had no idea what she was doing. Pearl got out of the car and opened the backdoor, sliding onto the smooth seat of the black leather interior. To make herself more comfortable, Pearl took Rose's hand in her own and faced Rose. She took a strand of Rose's hair, twirling the soft, curly locks between her fingers. Pearl had imagined doing this before and the actual act was better than anything she had envisioned in her imagination. After a few minutes of kissing, Pearl understood the rhythm she needed to match. 

Before Pearl knew it, she heard a buzzing coming from her backpack. She was on top of Rose, who was lying on her back across the backseat. Pearl rushed to reach over to her backpack in the front seat and lunged across the center console like her life depended on accepting a call from that phone. And it probably did. She unzipped the pocket her phones were in. Her Real Phone was ringing and the caller ID said, "Dad." 

The clock on the car radio said, 6:20 PM and Pearl was twenty minutes late for youth group. She must have lost time. "Shit," Pearl said. 


	3. An Invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: religious stuff. Verbal and physical abuse.

Pearl's finger lingered over the green "accept call," button as her brain formulated a lie. Where was she? The Library. What was she doing? An English class group project on poetry. Pearl's group picked Yeats. Who was she with? Garnet, Harry, and Rose. Who's Rose? A new friend. What's her last name? ...Pearl didn't want to say Rose's last name because her father would want Pearl to convince Rose and her family to join their church. More donations meant a higher salary for her father. 

Maybe they wouldn't get that far in their conversation? That would be preferable. That way she would not have to use the fiction she created that constituted her afternoon. 

"It's my dad. Please be quiet," Pearl said and received a nod in agreement from Rose. 

Her father wanted to know why Pearl was fifteen minutes late for youth group and Pearl made up the excuse she lost time while studying at the library.

"Darlin' spreading the word of God is more important than your grades," her father said.

Oh, really? That was easy for him to say. He didn't have the same plans as her. Even though studying at the library was a lie, irritation set in. Pearl gritted her teeth. "Sorry. I got a ride. I'll be there in five minutes." 

Pearl ended the call. She stared out the dashboard window absently. The ocean waves of the beach crashed in the distance. The swirl of pinks, purples, and oranges from the sunset mirrored in the ocean, which made the sky look like it had split in two. 

"Can you drive me to my dad's church?" Pearl asked. 

"Of course," Rose said, wrapping her arms around Pearl from behind. 

They moved back to the front seat. Pearl watched Rose fix her hair in the mirror, smoothing it down. A dimple dented her left cheek, which Pearl found adorable. Seeing Rose up close, touching her, was a different experience than simply staring at her in calculus class. Pearl tried to come up with something to say, to compliment her. In her imagination, Pearl had come up with several compliments. _I love the way your hair moves. Your curls are soft and weightless, like they’re floating. When you smile, you have a cute dimple on your left cheek. When we hug, it feels like our bodies fit together, like a puzzle, like we were meant to be._

Pearl liked to believe in fate, that God wanted her to pursue this. She wanted to believe that. And despite these beliefs, she couldn't believe what had just happened. Today had started just like any day and in a matter of hours everything changed. Who would she be with Rose? 

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Rose asked, breaking the silence. 

"Well, I have dance until eight. Then I was going to meet Amethyst at the skate park since it's Friday." 

"I'm having a party. Do you want to come? You can bring your squad." 

"My squad?" 

"Those girls you sit with at lunch. I think Amethyst is one of them. The other one is the president of the Environmental club, Garnet, right?" 

"Oh." Pearl nodded. "Yeah, that's them. That sounds lit." Pearl internally cringed at her use of "lit." Slang hardly ever sounded natural coming out of her mouth. Just as Rose put the car in drive, Pearl said, "Wait, can I give you a goodbye kiss now? I wont be able to there. Someone might...you know..." 

Rose said she found the idea of a "goodbye kiss" to be adorable. And as their lips parted Pearl decided she wanted to be with Rose all the time. 

When Rose pulled up to the church, Pearl hopped out of the car. Rose rolled down the passenger window, leaning with one arm draped over the open window, and said, "I'll text you later!"

Walking backward, Pearl smiled and waved. "Looking forward to it!" 

Usually Pearl hated the awkwardness that came with being late. She disliked being a spectacle by interrupting whatever was going on. However, tonight, she strolled into the church basement with her skateboard under her arm, more confident than she had ever been. What the others thought of her did not matter in this moment because she had kissed Rose. 

Everyone was broken up into small discussion groups of fold-up chairs arranged in small circles. Jacob, the youth pastor in-training with icy blue eyes and perfectly quaffed hair, motioned for Pearl to join his group. Jacob was nineteen years old. Jacob was in the seminary and he assisted Pearl's father with running the church. The best way Pearl could describe it to an outsider would be that Jacob was like an intern. 

Anne-Marie sat next to Jacob. From what Pearl had observed, Anne-Marie had a massive crush on him. Pearl didn't really understand why. He wore deep v-neck shirts and beanies that were color coordinated with his outfits. At youth group meetings, he usually walked around with a guitar around his neck. Once in a while, he would ask Pearl if she wanted to meet him and his brother at the skate park, but, to her father's and Jacob's disappointment, Pearl always declined. 

Pearl pulled up a chair to Jacob's discussion circle. 

"Pearl, so happy you're here to join us," Jacob said. "It's always a delight to have you in my group." 

"Thanks, um sorry, I'm late," Pearl said, gripping the sides of the seat on her chair. Out of the corner of her eye, Pearl could see Anne-Marie grimace at her. 

"We're talking about temptation today," Jacob said. 

"Oh, we are!" Pearl said as she tried to stifle the smirk on her face. 

Nietzsche said, _"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently._ " 

So Pearl found this entire night to be ridiculous, dangerous, and entirely unhelpful to everyone involved. Because they were no better than anyone. Virginity pledges and praying for people to conform to their ideals didn't actually help anyone. Helping someone would mean taking the chance to actually understand them, which they did not want to do. If they wanted to understand people, then Pearl wouldn't have to pretend to be an entirely different person around her father. 

"Have you been experiencing any temptation lately?" Jacob asked. 

"Can't seem to think of anything." _Except for the fact that, just ten minutes ago, I was on top of a girl in the backseat of her car._

"That's good to hear. And do you have any strategies on how you avoid temptation that you'd like to share with us? We're all human and..." Jacob grinned at Pearl. "It happens to the best of us." 

"Well..." Pearl searched her brain for the answer Jacob wanted. She knew what to say. She always did. And although she did not believe the answer they wanted, she said it anyway, "I think about how wonderful and special it will be to have my first everything with my future husband. And how we will share it together in marriage under God." 

"Pearl, that is the best answer!" Jacob was getting excited. He leaned forward and said, "We need to pray to God when we feel tempted and we need to remind ourselves why..." 

Pearl tuned Jacob out, like she always did. Instead, she thought about the silkiness of Rose's hair and her soft, smooth lips. She tried to remember the scent of the fruity, floral perfume, the freckles across Rose' nose. The way Rose laughed made Pearl's heart fill with joy. She wanted to record it and listen to it whenever she wanted. And then Pearl realized that Jacob was looking her in the eyes asking her a question. "Could you repeat that?" she asked. 

And he did and Pearl still seemed to not be able to understand him. When she looked around the discussion circle, all of the chairs were empty. Everyone else had gotten up and were now on the other side of the room eating pizza and drinking cups of blue Gatorade.

Jacob asked his question again, for a third time. "Pearl, I asked your father if I could court you and he agreed." 

"What?" Pearl still could not believe the words coming out of his mouth. 

"He gave me permission to ask you to dinner. My brother would be coming along, as a chaperone. And I'd like for you to get to know him too because if it works out, he'll be family. You know?" 

What? Pearl didn't say it aloud this time, but she kept repeating it in her brain. 

"So, Pearl will you go to dinner with me?" he asked. 

What? Pearl asked herself again. 

"I...um..." Pearl froze. This couldn't be happening. "I need to go to the bathroom." 

Jacob said he was eagerly awaiting her response. Pearl nodded and went into the bathroom. She put the toilet seat down and sat in the dark of the single-occupancy restroom. Jacob was douchey. Jacob was religious. Jacob believed in antiquated gender roles. Jacob was a man. 

Jacob was the reason her father had randomly started praying for Pearl to find a boy to court her. This was planned without her knowledge. The lack of regard for her feelings and opinions made Pearl feel like punching a wall and crying all at the same time. 

Then her bag pocket buzzed. It was her Safe Phone and it was from Rose. 

**Rose:** I want to kiss you all the time. 

For a moment, she felt fine. She would just have to tell her father she wasn't interested in Jacob. He had to understand. For a moment, she stared at the off-white bathroom wall. She knew she should go back, but going back would require play-acting. It would require her to lie to herself. And she felt too exhausted to put the effort in. In the stoic Christian denominations, praying consisted of kneeling, closing their eyes, and whispering at God, hoping He can hear them, like how NASA sent out radio waves into space back in the 1970's and still haven't heard back. But in Pearl's denomination, praying was like a contest in who was more in-touch with God or the Holy Spirit or whatever (as her mother would say with an absent, tired stare, even though she never expressed these sentiments to Pearl's father). People would close their eyes. Raise their arms up into the air. Speak in tongues. Cry. All the dramatics to show how in touch they were with God. If the Catholics whispered at God, the Assembly of God shouted and cried. 

And Pearl didn't feel like shouting at God right now. She wanted to stay in the bathroom and answer her texts messages or stare at the wall and think about Rose. 

She had several other texts and she took this rare moment of privacy to check them. 

**Garnet:** I saw you leave with Rose! How did it go? 

**Amethyst:** wat was the history hmework? 

**Amethyst:** was it to read that chapter 

**Amethyst:** why arent you anserwing 

**Amethyst:** stop readint he bible and help me. jk of course(but not rlly? hahaa) 

Pearl answered Rose first. 

**Pearl:** I'd like that <3 

**Rose:** If you want to sleepover tomorrow, you can. Your friends can too. There will be lots of places to sleep. 

Then she answered Amethyst because she knew Amethyst would give up on the homework if Pearl did not answer her soon. 

**Pearl:** Chapter 7. It's the one about school integration and the Little Rock Nine. 

Pearl was not entirely sure how she should answer Garnet. She took a moment to think about it. Will she tell them or wait until her and Rose decide on what to call their relationship? 

**Pearl:** We had pizza and then hung out...and we kissed. 

**Garnet:** That's so exciting! So happy for you :) 

**Pearl:** Thank you! :)

Pearl then sent a text to her group message with Garnet and Amethyst. 

**Pearl:** We are invited to Rose Diamond's party tomorrow. We can stay over and everything. 

**Amethyst:** OMFG DID YOU BANG HER ?!?!?!?!?!!?! i heard she has an indoor pool and i am fucking excited for this shit. I heard her parties are fucking lit. 

**Pearl:** Amethyst! WTF, really? 

**Pearl:** Of course I didn't do that. I barely know her. 

**Pearl** : We did kiss though. 

**Amethyst:** finally you kissed someone. also way to bury the lead. 

**Amethyst:** Also good job

 **Garnet:** Sorry if I'm being overly cautious here, but Pearl do you have permission to go to this? From what I understand you are not allowed to go to sleepovers. Add a party into the mix and, well...you know what I mean. 

This was true. The last sleepover Pearl had been to was back in eighth grade. Her father happened to pick her up that morning and asked her (former) dance friend's mother what they did. Her friend's mother casually said, "Ate ice cream and watched _Mean Girls,"_ as if it were the most innocent thing in the world (because it was). And after her father researched the movie, he asked Pearl if she watched a movie where people had sex and made fun of each other for being virgins. Pearl said, "I don't know what you're talking about. " But that didn't work and she had been banned from going to sleepovers ever since. 

**Pearl:** I am going to ask. 

**Amethyst:** cool so we're not going to the awesome indoor pool party then

 **Pearl:** I never said that. 

**Amethyst:** p, the chances of your parents letting you go to this are like nil. its more likely that ill get a phd in being an astronaut. 

**Garnet:** Well, let us know what happens after you ask! I hope they sat it's okay. 

Garnet was always so positive via text even though Pearl suspected Garnet also doubted Pearl's parents would say yes. Pearl had a plan though. The key to getting permission to go to this party was to bring a lot of Assembly of God church pamphlets and tell her parents she wanted to go and recruit new members to their church. And even with this plan, chances were slim. 

As Pearl reread her text exchange with Rose and thought of how to respond to Rose's sleepover offer, someone knocked on the bathroom door. Pearl almost forgot she was supposed to be at a youth group meeting. 

"Pearl, are you okay?" her father said, his voice muffled through the door. "Jacob said you went to the bathroom more than twenty minutes ago and never came back." 

"Ugh, I don't feel well," Pearl said. 

"What's wrong?" 

Pearl knew what to say to get him to leave her alone. 

"I'm having a really bad period." 

"Oh...Okay. The meeting is, uh, over. I'll be waiting for you at the doors to the parking lot. Take your time," her father said. 

When Pearl left the bathroom to go and meet her father, he stood in front of the two metal doors, talking and laughing with Jacob like they were the two best fucking friends in the entire world. Jacob held a plastic water bottle in his hand, waving it around like a prop as he spoke. 

"Sorry to hear you're not feeling well," Jacob said. 

"Yeah. Not feeling great today," Pearl said. 

"You looked pale, so I got you a bottle of water." Jacob handed Pearl a single-use plastic bottle of water. 

Pearl took the bottle in her hands, looked at the green labeling saying, 'Beach City Community Church,' and then at Jacob's face. He had a stupid grin extending ear to ear displaying a perfect row of white teeth. Ann-Marie would probably die if he smiled at her like this. 

"The church should stop buying these. It's not good for the environment," Pearl said. 

"Pearl, I think the answer you were actually looking for was, 'thank you Jacob for the kind gesture,'" her father said.

"No. It's that we should stop buying these," Pearl said. 

"Oh, Pearl, you know there's no point doing that because of Rapture." Her father set his hands on her shoulders from behind and started directing Pearl out of the church and into the parking lot. On the way out the door, he said, "Jacob, Pearl's not feeling so well. We'll see you on Sunday?" 

"Can't wait! I hope you feel better, Pearl," Jacob said.

In the car, Pearl's father said, "I don't care what time of the month it is, you can't treat Jacob like that." 

She wasn't actually even on her period, so this misogynistic comment about her mood from her father made Pearl want to be even more combative even though she was the one who planted this lie. "Why not?" 

"Because it's the unkind thing to do. And he likes you." 

"Oh, I know he likes me." Pearl let out a light chuckle of discontent.

"You know that any other girl at this church would jump at the chance to court and marry Jacob?" 

"Then he should ask them instead." 

"Well, he doesn't want to ask them instead. He wants to ask you." 

"Cool. I say no." Pearl turned her head to stare out the window. "I don't want to get married to anyone."

Except maybe Rose, someday though. Not in the immediate future. Like after college when they have careers and their own apartment. Maybe they would have a kid? That would be nice. 

She heard her father laugh. "Now that's a little dramatic." 

But she wasn't being dramatic. He was being nonchalant about one of the biggest decisions a person can make in their life. 

"Remember Ecclesiastes 4:9," her father said. "It says, 'two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?' How, Pearl? How can one keep warm alone?" 

Pearl wanted to say _Modern electricity and heat?_ Instead she stayed silent. 

They didn't speak until her father pulled into their parking space outside their mobile home. Across the street, Pearl could see a light on in Amethyst's bedroom. 

"I invited Jacob over for dinner on Sunday," he said. 

"Why the hel-eck would you do that?" Pearl said. 

"You can't write him off like that," her father said. 

"Why not?" 

"Because you need to give people chances," her father said. 

"I don't think I do." 

"Yes, you do."

"No. I don't." Pearl crossed her arms. Her eyes burned. Crying at this point was inevitable. 

"Yes, you do! Ephesians 4:32: 'Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God throu-'" 

"I'm going inside," Pearl said, setting her hand on the car door handle. 

"Oh, no you're not. We're not done with this conversation," her father said. 

"What do you want me to say?" Pearl said. "I mean, I'm not even allowed to go to a sleepover and you want me to pick a husband? Do you understand how insane that is?" Then she felt tears glisten her cheek. 

"I don't see how you comparing a sleepover to marriage out of the blue like that applies to this conversation," her father said. 

"I was invited to go to a sleepover tomorrow. And I would like to go." 

Her father paused, tilting his head at her. Pearl tried to read his face, but she couldn't. Whatever was about to come out of his mouth could be anything. 

"We'll talk about this inside with your mother." 

"Great. Can't wait,” Pearl said with a hint of sarcasm. She grabbed her skateboard and backpack before she got out of the car.

"Don't be sarcastic with me!" her father said, slamming the car door. 

Outside, as she marched toward the small deck that led to the front door, she felt her father grab her by the arm, pulling her back toward him. He set both hands firmly on her shoulders and stared into her eyes. They had the same deep blue eyes and when Pearl looked into his, sometimes she felt a disturbing chill because it was like staring into a rage-filled version of her own eyes. When she tried to move away, his grip kept her in place. His fingers dug into her shoulders and the pain set in. 

"Apologize," he said, tightening his grip. 

The mist of tear remnants on her skin made Pearl's cheeks freeze in the chilling mid-October air. His thumb dug into her collar bone and felt like a dull stick piercing her skin. Her gaze focused on Amethyst's bedroom light, a purple and blue lamp, which she could see through Amethyst's window right behind her father's head. Looking at his face would mean witnessing his gritted teeth and his irate eyes. 

She started to open her mouth, to apologize, but he must have thought she took too long because he said, again with more intensity, shaking her "I am your father. You listen to me! And you will not disrespect me! Apologize!" 

"I'm sorry," Pearl said, trembling. 

"What are you sorry for?" 

"I'm sorry for disobeying you." 

"And?" 

"And disrespecting you." 

"Go inside," he said, releasing the grip on her shoulders and shoving her toward the door.

The ghost of his grip on her shoulders ached. She would probably have some finger-tip shaped bruises on her shoulder blades. 

If anyone saw, they didn't care. And it wasn't the first time this had happened. Pearl also knew worse things had happened in the mobile home park. And the sentiment of other residents was to mind their own business. 

Once Jasper and Amethyst got into a fist fight in their driveway. No one in the park cared about that either, except Pearl's mother, who called the police and child services. The police made a report. Child services never followed up. In retaliation, Jasper egged Pearl’s mother’s car. They knew it was Jasper because she flipped the entire family off from her small deck the next morning when Pearl’s family discovered the vandalism. 

Interactions with her father like this one were why Pearl usually played along with whatever he said. It was easier that way. 


	4. Pamphlets, Texts, and Conversations

Inside, Pearl's mother sat at the table in the long skinny room containing the living room and kitchen. Overhead cabinets above a kitchen counter created the illusion that they were two separate rooms. On the table, a chocolate cake sat inside a glass covering. Pearl's father took a seat across from her mother and waited for Pearl's mother to serve him a slice of cake. 

But Pearl's mother did not serve him the cake immediately. Instead, as she saw Pearl, still in tears, stand in front of them and look down at the ground. Pearl's mother's lips pursed and her eyes became large and cautious as she placed two slices of cake on plates. 

"Sit down," her father said with a stoic mechanical gesture for Pearl to take a seat next to him at the table. "Jules, there have been some interesting developments in Pearl's life."

"Okay," her mother said and turned toward Pearl. "What are they, sweetie?" 

Pearl took the seat next to her father, leaning on the tables, propping herself up with her elbows. She wanted to go to sleep. She wanted to wake up tomorrow and pretend the last few hours were not real. As she was about to answer, her father cut her off. 

"Jacob wants to court her," her father said. 

Her mother nodded and looked down at the place mats with a floral border. "Do you want to court Jacob?" her mother asked. 

Pearl shook her head. "No." 

"Okay," her mother said. She turned to Pearl's father. "Tom, she doesn't feel the same way about him." 

"But this isn't just anyone!" her father said. "This is Jacob Walker and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have marry my daughter. I prayed about it. God wants them to be together. She should at least give him a chance." 

"Pearl, are you even ready to court anyone?" her mother asked. 

"Not really," Pearl said. 

"Then you don't have to," her mother said. 

"Really?" Pearl said. 

"We're not just going to write Jacob off, here are we?" her father asked. 

"What do you suggest, Tom?" her mother said with an exasperated sigh. 

"I say we have him over for dinner and get to know him a little better." 

"She sees him three times a week. How much better does she need to get to know him?" her mother said. 

"Can I be completely honest here?" her father said. "I think Pearl is headed on the wrong path. She was late for youth group today and then she spent most of the time she was there hiding in the bathroom. She's keeping things from us. Jacob will set her on the right path again." Through this entire spiel, he ate his piece of cake. The flippancy of the gesture aggravated Pearl. 

"What?" Pearl said. 

"Jules, a Mercedes sports car dropped her off at the church today. And, as I said before, she was late," her father said. 

"Pearl, did you make a new friend?" her mother asked. 

Pearl nodded. "Yeah." 

"What's your friend's name?" her mother asked. 

"Rose." 

"Rose what?" her father asked. 

"Just Rose." 

"Like Cher?" her father said. "Darlin', we need to know your friends' names. I imagine this one is a nice girl, but we can't have you gallivanting about town with kids we don't know."

"Rose Diamond," Pearl said. What was the point of hiding who it was? Eventually they would find out anyway. 

"Are you serious?" her father nearly dropped his fork. 

"Yes. Can I go to sleep now?" Pearl said. She stood up and walked through the kitchen and the living room area into a very short hallway containing two doors in succession. Pearl started to open the first door to her shared room. 

"Hold it there. Sit down at the table. We' haven't even begun to talk about what happened today," her father said.

Pearl turned around and returned to her seat at the kitchen table, arms folded. 

"Did I hear that right?" her father asked. 

"You did." 

He left his chair, scooping Pearl up into an enthusiastic hug. It was like anything that had happened in the car or out on the lawn earlier didn't matter. Pearl squirmed. She knew what he was going to say next. 

"You need to invite her to church." 

Pearl shook her head. "I don't think she wants to come. She already has a religion." Lying did not come naturally to Pearl so she did not sound genuine. 

"What's her current belief system?" 

Her eyes closed. From what Pearl could tell, Rose had no "current belief system," and Pearl was one hundred percent sure Rose wanted to keep it that way. Pearl wished she could choose to simply believe in nothing, but that was not a reality for her right now. 

"I don't know." 

"Do you know what we could do with donations from the Diamond family?" 

Pearl nodded. 

"You know what Matthew said?" His hand rested on her shoulder.

"Yes." Pearl had a hint of hope that if she said she knew he wouldn't recite the verse, but he did. 

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them..." 

Pearl zoned out because she did not care what Matthew said. Instead she thought about Rose's almond colored eyes. And how Rose's skin tasted like artificial strawberries and and salt. And how her laugh was Pearl's favorite sound. 

"I'm counting on, you, Pearl." 

"The sleepover is at her house," Pearl said. 

"It is?" he asked. 

"Yes," Pearl said. 

Her father exchanged a look with her mother like he was trying to decide if compromising his morals was worth recruiting a new, wealthy member to the church. "You can go to the sleepover," he said. 

"Are you serious?!" Pearl said. 

"I am serious. You're right. You are old enough to go to a sleepover. I trust you to abide by our beliefs and I know you will avoid sin and temptation at this sleepover. Unlike last time." 

"All right then. Thank you." Pearl stood up from the chair. 

"And Jacob is coming over for dinner on Sunday. And you will be nice to to him and give him a chance. Because it is the kind thing to do. I trust you will do that as well." 

"All right then," Pearl said, but this time she clenched her teeth. Any excitement she may have had from being granted permission to go to the sleepover was overshadowed by the pressure from her father to court Jacob Walker. 

Pearl entered her room. Her two younger sisters, Judith and Ruth, were doing their homework. Ruth, who was six, jumped off the top of the bunk bed and ran up to Pearl, hugging Pearl as she asked her for help with her doll's hair. Pearl put her backpack down and took her place on the floor next to Ruth. 

Judith sat on the bottom bunk. Her back rested against the wall. "I heard Daddy say your new friend was a Diamond."

"Yeah," Pearl said as she brushed a snarl out of the doll's hair. 

"Have you been to her house?" Judith asked with wide eyes. "I heard they have an indoor pool and a giant fountain in their front yard." 

"I haven't been there." Pearl took a seat on her own single bed on the other side of the small room.

"Will you tell us about it when you see it?" Ruth asked. "I've never seen a pool inside."

"I'll take a picture of it." 

"Awesome!" Judith said with a fist pump. 

"Will you play Barbies with me?" Ruth asked. 

"Yeah," Pearl said. 

After playing with her sister for a bit, Pearl took a moment to go to the bathroom to check her Safe phone. When she entered the skinny hallway of their mobile home, she could hear her parents having a hushed argument. 

"You can't force her to marry Jacob!" her mother said. 

"I'm not forcing her to do anything! I'm merely asking her to give him a chance. Jacob is a good kid. I trust him. Do you know how many other boys his age I trust? Zero!" her father said. 

"She's barely a junior in high school! She doesn't need to be courting anyone!" her mother said. 

"You were sixteen when you met me," he said. 

"That was different!" her mother said. 

"Why? Because we were sinners then?" he said. 

Pearl slowly opened the bathroom door and sneaked in silently, closing it behind her with the same precision to avoid being detected. After leaning against the door, she checked her Safe phone. 

**Amethyst:** are you okay? I saw what happened out on the lawn please text me when you can. Im worried 

**Pearl:** I'm okay. Shoulders just hurt. 

**Amethyst:** seriously fuck him. You should just fucking leave forever

 **Pearl:** We both should just leave forever. 

**Pearl:** Joking of course. Kind of, at least. 

**Amethyst:** wat happened

 **Pearl:** Long story. 

**Amethyst:** you know you can tell me anything, besides i like long stpries. 

**Pearl:** He wants me to date this guy from church. Except it's not normal dating. It's like dating to get married. 

**Amethyst:** well thats like fucked up. 

**Pearl:** I know. I told him that (without the profanity) and then he yelled at me for being sarcastic. 

**Amethyst:** thats a bunch of bull shit 

Pearl had trouble writing the next text message and almost didn't send it. 

**Pearl:** I don't know how much longer I can take this. I just want high school to be over so I can leave. I used to want to be so good, but know when I try, I feel like I'm betraying myself or something. Ame, if he tries to make me...

Writing to Amethyst that her father would make her marry Jacob, made Pearl pause. If she wrote it down, that would make it real. And, more than anything, she didn't want it to be real. 

**Pearl:** If he tries to make me marry, Jacob, I'm going to have to do something drastic. 

**Amethyst:** if he tries to make you marry that dude, Ill run away with you. not like i have much going on here anyway. 

**Pearl:** thank you :) 

**Amethyst:** no probs. love you

 **Pearl:** love you too. 

**Pearl:** Please don't tell Garnet. She will just worry. 

**Amethyst:** okie, i wont. 

**Amethyst:** watch some of that lady assassin show and get some sleep. u will feel better. i wish i could do something. like what can I do

 **Pearl:** There's not much really. Thank you for being there. Also, they actually gave me permission to go to the sleepover. 

**Amethyst:** he found out who Rose is and that shes rich as fuck, didn't he

 **Pearl:** basically that's what happened 

**Amethyst:** well we're going to have a fuck ton of fun tomorrow. its goin to be lit. so we have that to look forward to :)

 **Pearl:** Yes :) see you tomorrow. 

Pearl finally had time to respond to Rose. Would Rose feel bad that Pearl took so long to reply? She hoped not. This entire relationship was a literal dream come true. 

**Rose:** Everything okay? 

**Rose:** I'm sorry if I said anything wrong.

 **Rose:** Pearl? 

**Pearl:** Sorry. I was ~~at church~~

Pearl paused because she had no idea what to say? How can she tell Rose that she has two phones? That she wasn't allowed to watch secular television or read secular books? That her father wants her to marry a douche-bag named Jacob? That she had to lie about the party, instead telling her parents it was only a sleepover. She deleted what she wrote. 

**Pearl:** My phone died at church. Sorry! I would love to sleepover.

 **Rose:** No worries. Can't wait to snuggle you tomorrow;) 

Pearl smiled at the text. Regardless of what was going on right now, she was going to a party and sleepover at Rose's house. The thought of snuggling Rose made Pearl want to die right in that moment. Wrapping her arms around Rose's body, feeling Rose pressed up against her own body, running her fingers through Rose's hair, all of those possibilities made Pearl smile because her fantasy was about to become real. 

**Pearl:** Can't wait to hold you <3

 **Rose:** Do you want to sit together at lunch tomorrow? 

**Pearl:** I would love that! 

**Pearl:** But Garnet wants me to go around and collect signatures for the petition for most of the lunch period though. Do you want to help me?

 **Rose:** Yes :) Babe I'll do anything with you. As long as I get to be next to you. 

Her back slid down the bathroom door, so she could sit on the floor. Rose just called her "babe." No one had ever ever called her that before. Did she really like Pearl? For some reason the image of Rose flirting with Sam popped up in Pearl's head. What if she was still talking to him? What if she called him "babe"?Then what did "babe" mean? 

**Rose:** Do you have any siblings?

 **Pearl:** Two little sisters. Judith is 9 and Ruth is 6. 

**Rose:** Wow they're so much younger than you. I'm like in the opposite situation. My sisters are like soooooo much older than me. 

**Pearl:** How old are they? 

**Rose:** Amber is 30. She's like some executive in my dads company. We don't have much in common. Iris is 28. Much cooler than Amber. She's an actress in Empire City. But they both haven't lived at home in forever especially since Iris went to this performing arts boarding school for high school. I'm basically an only child. 

When Pearl went to sleep that night, she thought about how much she loved these simple conversations with Rose and how she wanted to know everything about her. 

In the morning, Pearl grabbed her dance bag, overnight bag, and skateboard from her closet. As Pearl shuffled all the bags onto her shoulder, her younger sister, Judith, watched her. 

"Do you like going to school?" Judith asked. 

"Yeah. For the most part." Pearl actually loved going to school. It was the only break she had where she could partly be her self. But she did not tell Judith that. Judith did not have the guarantee to go to school. 

"Do you think I'd like it?" 

"I don't know," Pearl said. 

"I want to try it." 

"Then you should tell Mom." 

"I did." 

"Oh...what did she say?" 

"That I was fine here." Judith sat on the top of the bunk beds. "Can you ask Dad?"

"I...You should ask Dad." 

"But he'll say no. Can't you ask him? Maybe when you go surfing? He's nicer after that."

"I don't know." 

"He likes you best." 

"He doesn't like me best. He loves all of us." 

"Yeah he does like you best. He never takes me surfing." 

Pearl never considered this before. Did he like her best? If so, why? Pearl certainly loved her mother more than she loved him. And sometimes she felt odd about that. Did most people love one parent more than the other? And if they did, how significantly more? Up in the bunk bed, Judith stared down at Pearl with large, sad blue eyes and Pearl suddenly hated him for picking which child he loved the most. 

"I'll talk to him about it." Pearl attached her skateboard to her backpack with lanyards. She knew her father would not go for this, but she had to try for Judith. 

Judith practically jumped onto Pearl from the bunk bed and gave her a hug. 

When Pearl entered the kitchen, carrying all of her bags, he father was waiting at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in his hands. A pile of religious brochures was next to him. This set-up was unusual. On a regular day, he would be sleeping still and her mother would be in the kitchen pouring cereal into bowls.

"Good morning, darlin'," he said.

Pearl greeted her father as she eyed the pile of pamphlets next to him. 

"So I got you these pamphlets to take to your sleepover tonight," he said. 

Pearl often wondered if these pamphlets worked. How many people actually read them and thought, _hmmm I should shake things up, drop my current belief system —the one I’ve probably had my whole life—and become Pentecostal._ The number had to be low. Her father shoved the pamphlets into her arms and blabbered on about the best lines to use when giving them out.

He set his hands on her shoulders. And Pearl flinched as it happened. But this time it wasn't forceful. That didn't matter though because Pearl still closed her eyes tight and waited for his grip to tighten. But his grip was light and encouraging. "I am so proud of you," he said. 

And Pearl decided she hated him in that moment. With an armful of pamphlets and an unsettling feeling, Pearl left the mobile home. 

Last week, Amethyst had missed the bus three times, so Pearl decided to go across the street and wake Amethyst up. Too many tardies would result in an in-school suspension. Pearl walked across the gravel road of the mobile home park to Amethyst's. She hesitated as she waited on the deck. Sometimes, Jasper would be in a terrible mood and Pearl wanted to avoid having an unpleasant interaction with Jasper as much as possible. With hesitation, Pearl knocked on the door to the mobile home. Pearl heard a person with loud, angry steps moving around. A muffled voice said, "Who the fuck is here at this hour?" 

The door opened revealing Jasper, a tall blonde woman. The whites of her eyes were red. She wore jogging pants and a muscle tank top that swamped her emaciated frame. In high school Jasper was a track and field state champion, breaking the shot-put record. The high school has a plaque with her name on it. She won a scholarship to the flagship campus of the state university and tore her ACL three weeks into the season her freshman year. And then she did it again her sophomore year. When she quit track, she quit school too. Pearl knew Jasper had been prescribed opiate pain killers and now that she no longer had access to a doctor's prescription pad started doing heroin as a replacement. 

"Hey, priss. You can take your Jehovah Witness brochures back to your place. We don't want that shit here." 

"We’re Pentecostal," Pearl said. "And I'm not a priss."

"Your blue cardigan sweater and pink frilly dress say otherwise," Jasper said. 

Pearl looked down at her pink, floral patterned skater dress that fell right above her knees. She never considered this prissy and reminded herself not to care too much about what Jasper thinks of her. "I'm here to ask Amethyst if she wants to walk to the bus with me and I'm not going to make either of you take a pamphlet." 

"She's getting ready." Jasper said. She added with a yell toward Amethyst's room, "Takes her like three fucking hours!" Jasper opened the door and stood aside, gesturing for Pearl to come in. 

Pearl paused. Despite being friends with Amethyst for years, she had never been in Amethyst's home. They usually congregated at Garnet's house because Garnet's moms were nice and made them cheese trays and asked them about their day. And didn't ask them to convert to their religion (if they had one). Like a normal household. Through the doorway, she saw a blue-haired woman lounging on the couch and staring up at the ceiling. Pearl looked around, making sure her parents were not outside to see her entering Amethyst's house. 

The mobile home had a vague vinegar smell. Beer bottles and cans covered the kitchen counter and half of the living room table. Pearl stood in the middle of the living room, her hands awkwardly held her backpack straps tight. The blue-haired woman turned on the couch, looking over at Pearl. "Oh, my God. You're so adorable," she said. 

"Um, thanks?" Pearl's grip on her backpack straps tightened. She hated being called adorable at sixteen. After dance she would have to stop and get new clothes for tonight. Something less “adorable.”

"So did you finally decided to run away?" Jasper said as she moved the other woman's legs up to take a spot on the couch. When Jasper sat down, the blue-haired woman settled her legs back down onto Jasper's lap. She must be Jasper's girlfriend. 

"What do you mean?" Pearl asked. 

"Heard you get fucking yelled at last night. Everyone did. Now you're here with a bunch of bags," Jasper said. "What happened? Did he think you got possessed by the devil from watching _Harry Potter_?" Jasper laughed at this as if it were the most hilarious joke in the entire world. 

"I,I,I..." Pearl stammered as she tried to defend herself. 

"Don't be a dick, Jasper. I mean, look at her. She's so harmless. How can you be so mean to her?" the blue-haired woman said. She sat up and looked at Pearl again, this time tilting her head and squinting her eyes. "Oh, my God. I know you." 

"What?" Pearl said. 

"You're Pearl Gill. That pastor's daughter. We went to the same dance school. Remember? I was a few years ahead of you." 

Pearl realized the woman on Jasper's couch was Lapis Lazuli. She had been a few years ahead of Pearl in dance. Pearl remembered how she moved gracefully, like flowing water. Back then, she was a brunette. Seeing her on Jasper's couch with blue hair, red eyes, and a sluggish demeanor made her look like a different person, like a shadow of her old self. Pearl had the sudden, disturbed realization that a similar scenario could happen to Amethyst in the future. 

"Yeah. You're Lapis," Pearl said. To avoid looking Lapis in the eye, Pearl checked her "Safe" phone. Rose had texted her. 

**Rose:** Good morning babe <3

Pearl paused because she didn't know how to respond. She never knew how to respond. When she received a text message, she felt lost, like the time she wandered away from her mother at the grocery store when she was three. She would have to ask Amethyst what to do. Should Pearl call Rose "babe" too? Should she come up with something else? Why did things need to get so complicated this fast? 

"Dude you were so good. Didn't you audition for the Empire City Ballet School?" Lapis asked. 

"They asked me to audition. My father wouldn't let me." Pearl remembered that day. It was a Tuesday morning and her mother called her out of school to go to the audition. Her mother tried to keep it a secret. Her father was supposed to be at the church all day, but he forgot his notebook, the one he wrote sermons in, at home. When he pulled into the driveway, Pearl's mother was trying to fasten Ruth into her car seat. Then he discovered where they were going. Pearl spent the afternoon in her ballet leotard in a church pew as her father worked. 

"That sucks. Really," Lapis said. "Girl, you are so fucking graceful. You need to follow your dreams, you know? Ever think about getting a tattoo. I think you'd look cute with one. We could do like a Edgar Degas ballet dancer on your back shoulder." 

That's when Pearl realized Lapis was high and was also apparently the person who did tattoos that Amethyst had been talking about. Pearl felt foolish for not seeing it earlier. And although Amethyst worried about Pearl, Pearl knew Amethyst's situation was way worse. Maybe they could figure out a way to leave together. 

The door to Amethyst's room swung open with a loud bang as it hit the wall. Amethyst came out of her room with a duffel bag. 

"Finally!" Jasper said. "You're moving out! I'm going to crack open some champagne! Lapis, get out the glasses!" 

Lapis didn't move and fully knew Jasper was joking. 

"We're going to a sleepover after school, dumbass," Amethyst said, linking arms with Pearl and guiding her out of the mobile home like it was dangerous for Pearl to be inside the trailer. 

"Love you too, sis!" Jasper said with sarcasm as Amethyst and Pearl left. 

On the way to the bus stop, they both walked down the gravel road to the edge of the mobile home park. Amethyst was quiet. 

"What's wrong?" Pearl asked. 

"Why did you come inside? You never come inside," Amethyst said. 

"I wanted to make sure you made the bus," Pearl said. 

Amethyst nodded. Her stare was distant and her eyes had large, perturbed pupils. "Well, don't do it again." 

A wave of emotion hit Pearl, making her want to cry. Why did Amethyst just push her away, especially after their texts last night? "Oh, okay. I'm sorry." 

"I just--Ah, P, don't cry." Amethyst gently took Pearl's hand, stopping her. She looked up at Pearl and they faced each other. "Come here." As they embraced, Amethyst rubbed Pearl's back. "Dude, Jasper is like not cool. Okay? Just like knock on my window next time and I'll meet you at the door." 

"Okay." 

The pamphlets fell to the ground as Pearl relaxed into the hug. A gust of wind blew some of the white, thin black and white paper away. 

When they parted, Amethyst smiled at Pearl and said, "Well, we better get going. Can't be late, right? Can't mess up your perfect punctuality." Then she bent down and grabbed the remaining pamphlets off the ground. 

Pearl let out a small laugh. "Yeah."

Amethyst crumpled the pamphlets into one large paper ball and tossed it into their neighbor’s recycling can. Pearl appreciated the gesture as she knew Amethyst normally did not pay attention to the labeling on the bins. 

Down on the ground, Pearl kicked a large rock ahead of them. "Am I a priss?" 

Amethyst erupted into giggles as she held Pearl's forearm with her hands and leaned her head against Pearl's shoulder. "Aww, did Jasper call you a priss?" 

"Yes," Pearl said. 

"You're not a priss." 

"Promise." 

"Of course. Would I lie to you about something that _serious_?" Amethyst said the last part sarcastically. When Amethyst referred to something as _serious,_ it meant that Pearl was making a big deal out of nothing. It helped Pearl realize she did not need to worry about it. 

“I have another question. It’s about how I should respond to a text from Rose,” Pearl said. 

”Give me the tea,” Amethyst said. 

Pearl showed Amethyst the text. If Pearl didn’t respond soon, Rose would send her a question mark and Pearl wanted to avoid that.

”Scroll up?” Amethyst rose her eyebrows at Pearl like she was asking permission to know more. So Pearl scrolled up, revealing her conversation with Rose from last night. ”Damn.” A smile formed across Amethyst’s face. “She, like, really likes you.” 

”You think so?”

”Yeah. Here say this,” Amethyst gestured for Pearl to give her the phone. With reluctance, Pearl handed over the iPhone.

 **Pearl:** morning sexi <3 your fine and I can’t wait to 

In explicit detail, Amethyst wrote about something sexual, to which Pearl responded, “Amethyst!? Really?” Pearl reached over for her phone, pawing at it. 

”I’m kidding!” Amethyst said. “Kay? Plus I would never send it without your permission. I promise I have something better.”

Pearl rolled her eyes and sighed. Couldn’t Amethyst could just help her once without making it a joke? 

**Pearl:** Good morning beautiful <3

Amethyst did not hit send. When Pearl had the phone back in her own hands, she stared at the glowing white and blue screen, reading the message over and over again, and decided she liked this response. A few seconds after sending the message, Rose texted back. 

**Rose:** Can’t wait for tonight! It’s going to be so much fun, especially when we get to be alone ;) 

“What’d she say?” Amethyst asked. 

Pearl showed Amethyst the message and asked, “You think she wants to like make-out there or something?” 

”Um, yeah. I mean,” Amethyst let out a light laugh. “Oh P, the Jesus people have sheltered you a bit too much. You do realize she wants to like smash tonight?” 

”What?” That never crossed Pearl’s mind. Yes Rose had been flirty, but she had never outright texted, _I want to sleep with you_. Was that what people even said? Maybe Amethyst was right? Pearl’s stomach dropped. She had no idea what she was doing.   
  



	5. Just Think of the Penguins

"But I just had my first kiss yesterday," Pearl said. "Do you really think she's already planning to do it. Like this soon?" Pearl did not prepare for this. Whenever she did not know something, she would look it up, study it, and become an expert on the subject. Without a reference point, a lost feeling made her stomach turn. What if Pearl did something stupid and Rose, a person more experienced in this area, decided to find someone else?

That could not happen. 

"Dude. This is Rose Diamond. Not some other nerd like you. She's been with like a bunch of people. No reason for her to wait, you know?" Amethyst said. "You want my advice?" 

Not really, Pearl thought. But she knew Amethyst would give it to her anyway. "All right," she said with a sigh. 

"Chances you find another opportunity to date someone until you go to college is slim. Kay? Like take this chance and run with it. Because you probably wont have another time to bang someone for a while. So I would just think about all that and just getting _it_ over with." 

Pearl thought about _it._ And yes, of course it had crossed her mind before. A lot of times. But now she was faced with reality instead of just a fantasy. In Pearl's experience reality never lived up to her expectations. Also, she had no idea what she was doing. 

"Just getting it over with? That doesn't sound romantic at all," Pearl said. 

"It's not romantic. At all. It's fucking. It's awkward. It's fun. It's messy. That purity culture BS you've been brought up with has made you think this is supposed to be a monumental fairy tale thing. But it's not. My advice? Do it. Enjoy yourself. Then keep doing it. Empower yourself." 

Pearl recalled this really messed up book her father made her read as a child (and still occasionally read it to her sisters). It was about a princess who saved her first kiss (and everything else) for her wedding day. And because she saved herself, she's seen as being worthier for her husband, a prince. Now, when Pearl first heard this story, she was fine with this idea. Kissing a boy did not appeal to her and the longer she could delay the inevitable, the better. Her father emphasized how romantic this idea was, waiting to kiss someone and remaining "pure." Why? It's not worth it to go though all the heartbreak by kissing others before. Giving one's heart to someone is special and one should want to give their whole heart to one person forever. God wanted them to wait to give that part of themselves to another person until the holy union of marriage. 

But when she had the chance to kiss Rose, she paused for a second, mostly because she never thought she would be in that position. When the light shined onto Rose's hair, Pearl knew she had to kiss Rose. God wanted her to and what gave her father the authority over telling people what God wanted? A handful of classes at a seminary? That meant nothing compared to how kissing Rose made Pearl feel. Amethyst was right. Saving a first kiss or first anything before marriage was bullshit. 

"Ame, I have no idea what to do," Pearl said with wide eyes. "I mean, I know the basic mechanics, but like, I don't know how to do it well. Is there something I can read online?"

Amethyst stared at her with pursed lips that wanted to contort into an amused smile; like it was taking every fiber of Amethyst's being to prevent herself from laughing at Pearl. "Dude. Haven't you know, watched...you know?" She wiggled her eyebrows for comedic effect, but Pearl didn't find anything about this hilarious. 

"Why the hell would I do that?" Pearl said. 

"Jesus," Amethyst buried her face into her hands. Yes, she was laughing now. Pearl could tell. When Amethyst calmed down, she continued walking toward the bus stop. Several yards away, a crowd of people waited, congregating in little cliques that usually depended on gender and grade level. Most kids who lived in the mobile home park tended to hang out together.

Pearl stopped dead. "Wait! Stop laughing!" 

Amethyst spun around, pivoting on one foot to face Pearl. "I'm not laughing." Her lips pursed together like she was trying to hold her breath. 

"Not anymore." Pearl folded her arms. Why did Amethyst need to drag this out and make a big, annoying deal out of it?

Amethyst must have seen Pearl's lost, concerned expression because she said, "She knows you're, well, _you_ , right?" 

"Yeah." 

"Kay. It's easy. Just like ask for directions."

"You can do that?" 

"I recommend doing that for you," Amethyst said. "People do it all the time. No shame in asking what the other person likes. You know? It's--"

The screech of the school bus brakes interrupted their conversation. As the bus door whooshed open and the other students piled in, Pearl closed her eyes and breathed in deep. On her Safe Phone, she searched for tips and saved the web pages to read later when she was alone in the bathroom; _How to kiss better?_ _How to give oral sex?_ _How to give a woman an orgasm?_  
  
On the bus, Pearl took the window seat next to Amethyst. A boy named Derrick Gilbert sat in the seat across from them. He had floppy brown hair and he always wore a plain t-shirt and grey sweatpants. For the past two years, Amethyst had a flirtation going on with Derek and Pearl did not understand what Amethyst saw in him. 

"So what are we doing tonight, Amy?” Derrick leaned against the back of the faux leather seat in front of him with his elbow, probably to show off his arms or something. This whole interaction made Amethyst smile for whatever reason. 

”Well, we—“ Amethyst wrapped her arm around Pearl’s shoulders, pulling her in close. “Are hanging out with Rose Diamond tonight. Not sure about what you’re doing. You might want to figure that out.”

”No cap. No fucking way,” he said. 

“Uh, yeah, fucking way,” Amethyst said. “Right, P?” 

Pearl didn’t feel like talking to Derrick. Instead she was coming up with scenarios for what might happen tonight. Rose’s skin was so soft and warm. Pearl wanted to feel Rose’s body on top of her own. She wanted to kiss every spot that she once thought was forbidden. Not anymore. No, Pearl was going to—

“There’s no way Rose Diamond invited Jesus Freak here to go to a party at her house,” Derrick said. 

_Dear God, can you stop making people call me Jesus Freak?_ Pearl thought to herself, sending the "prayer," into space and never expecting to receive an answer. In college, she could start over. But now? Everyone assumed she still believed in the way her father did. It's not like everyone has the same beliefs as their parents. Do people realize that? No, seriously, do people realize that?! Do they realize what would happen if she refused to go to church? Or revealed her true self to the world instead of just to Garnet, Amethyst, and Rose? 

”Are you fucking kidding me, dude?” Amethyst said. “Seriously, Derrick, what makes you think I’ll hook up with you again if you’re calling my girl here ‘Jesus Freak’?” 

”Sorry it just came out.” Derrick did appear sorry. He looked down at the ground, his forehead crinkled, and he said, “I’m sorry, Pearl. I wouldn't want people to call me that either.”

On any other day, Pearl would have muttered an _It’s okay_. Or a _No worries_. Or a _Well my family is quite religious._ Then a nervous, stale laugh would follow. But not today. Today she was sick of that name. So instead she just nodded. 

When Pearl and Amethyst walked into school, Pearl said, "You hooked up with Derrick? I thought you liked Vidalia." 

"You can be with more than one person at a time," Amethyst said. "I don't want anything serious. Like do I really want a relationship and have to explain the whole Jasper situation to them? Also he has great hair and arms and he does that cute half smile thing when he talks to me. And we occasionally play _Call of Duty_ together online. He's not that bad." 

At their lockers, Pearl organized her textbooks alphabetically inside her locker while Amethyst sat on the ground, knees up and back against the lockers. ”Where can I get better clothes for tonight? And what should I wear?” Pearl asked. 

”Get a crop top. And joggers. You have long legs so it'll look hot. You want a place that's like within walking distance of here?” 

”I don’t think I have time to skate to the mall,” Pearl said as she tucked her skateboard into the corner of her locker. 

”There’s that consignment store on the boardwalk. They have some good shit. But then there’s always the risk that...” 

“Risk what?” Pearl said, glancing down at Amethyst on the teal and white tiled floor. 

”Nothing really that bad. Just, one time, I like splurged and got this designer shirt there once and it had been one of the girl’s from Rose's group. She had gotten it for Christmas and didn’t want it.” Amethyst sighed. “So forget what I said about going there. There’s some good places on the boardwalk. I really like the—“ 

“Castillo!” an older male voice yelled, emphasizing hard “L’s” and an “O” in Amethyst’s last name. 

Pearl saw that across hall Mr. Halpern, the strict and easily irritated math teacher, marching over to them. He taught the lower math levels. Which meant, thankfully for Pearl, that she never had him as a teacher. 

“It’s KAS - TEE - YO. The 'L's' are silent! ” Amethyst said this as if she were talking to a child, slowly pronouncing every syllable and pausing. With reluctance, she stood up. "You've had me in class twice!" She had been warned by a teacher for sitting in the hallways before. In fact, it happened on almost a daily basis. 

”No sitting in the hallways!” he said, ignoring the fact that he pronounced her name incorrectly. He walked over and pointed to Pearl. “Why don’t you take a cue from your friend, Miss Gill, and actually follow the rules for once? Next time means detention.” 

When he left, Amethyst muttered, “Well why don’t you pronounce my last name right for once? Fucking dick.”

As Mr. Halpern disappeared down the crowded hallway, Garnet appeared and stopped in front of Amethyst and Pearl, waving. “Was Amethyst sitting on the floor again?” 

“I’m tired and I want to sit! It’s a dumb rule!” Amethyst said. 

”It’s to prevent sit-ins,” Garnet said.

”Whats a sit-in?” Amethyst asked. 

”We’re literally learning about this in history. Remind me how you got into honors again?” Pearl said with annoyance.

"I take honors because it's the only class I'm kind of sort of good at and the only chance I'll get placed in a class with you," Amethyst said. 

"Really?" Pearl lowered her books. 

"Yeah dude," Amethyst said. 

Pearl gave Amethyst a quick hug. She never intended to insult Amethyst like that. "I love being in class with you. Sorry." 

"Chill, dude. I know," Amethyst said. 

"A sit-in is a peaceful protest where you sit and refuse to leave until they meet your demands or until you’re forcibly removed by the police," Pearl said. 

”Can I sit and demand he pronounce my name correctly for once?” Amethyst said.

”Yeah, but you’ll probably get expelled. The school administration is racist and fascist,” Garnet said with a sigh. She changed the subject. “So tonight is going to be a lot of fun.” She lightly elbowed Pearl.

Pearl smirked and hugged her history textbook. “I suppose it will.” 

”You both want to come over before?” Garnet asked. 

”Will your mom be making that cheese tray?” Amethyst asked. 

”Does that affect you coming over?” Garnet asked. 

”No. I just think she does a great job with cheese trays,” Amethyst said. 

”I can ask her to make it,” Garnet said. 

Then Rose entered the school through the doors leading to the student parking lot. Elle walked next to her. For Pearl, seeing Rose stride through the side doors of the school, was like being in a movie. When Rose was far away, in the distance, she seemed to walk in slow motion. Her hair bounced and her hips swung from side to side. Her eyes half closed while she giggled at something Elle said. How did Elle make her laugh so easily? She probably knew Rose better. That's how. Pearl wanted to know Rose like that.

What were they laughing about? Rose wore black leggings and a grey sweatshirt. Rose never dressed up on Fridays. It was only on Tuesdays or Thursdays. And if she “dressed down,” her outfit usually consisted of expensive leggings and a Patagonia pull-over, much like how she looked today. 

Before yesterday, Rose would have walked on by as if Pearl never existed, passing by as Pearl spied from the corner of her eyes. But today she didn’t do that. Instead, she parted ways with Elle, who took a turn toward the hallway leading to the cafeteria, where their group usually hung out before first class. Rose kept walking toward them, making eye contact with Pearl.

Rose leaned against the locker next to Pearl’s, biting her lip as she looked into Pearl's blue eyes. “Hey.” 

”Hey,” Pearl said, mesmerized by Rose's luscious brown hair and the array of freckles across Rose's cheeks. Pearl felt compelled to lean forward, stand on her tip toes, and kiss Rose's soft pink lips while running her fingers through Rose's hair. But she knew she couldn't now. Rose smiled, showing a row of straight, perfect, white teeth. Was there anyone more beautiful than Rose? No. Pearl was sure of that. 

Amethyst linked arms with Garnet and said, “Walk me to history, G!” 

When they both left, Rose turned to Pearl. “Did you have a good morning?” 

Pearl could tell her the truth, which was: _Well,_ _my dad gave me a bunch of pamphlets to convert everyone at your party to become Pentecostal. My little sister wants to go to public school, but my father won’t let her, so she thinks the Earth is six thousand years old and that people kept dinosaurs as pets like in that old cartoon I can’t remember the name of because I’m not allowed to watch secular television. Oh, and my best friend’s sister is addicted to heroin and probably sells it too. I figured that out today when I tried to remind my best friend to leave to get on the bus. Also, my best friend will probably get blood poisoning when her sister’s strung out girlfriend tries to give her an amateur tattoo in their home. And everyone calls me Jesus Freak, not only behind my back, but also to my face. So my morning was just so absolutely wonderful. Oh, I almost forgot! I also have no idea what to do when we try to have sex tonight._

”Um, it was all right,” Pearl said. “How was, uh, yours?”

“All right. The line at Starbucks was kind of long,” Rose said. 

”I hate when that happens." Why did she say that? Pearl didn't go to Starbucks. She didn't even drive and her mother avoided the drive-thru at all cost. But then Pearl's blue eyes met with Rose's brown ones for a flash of several seconds, before they averted their eyes to the ground. And agreeing with Rose, felt great, even if it was a fib like talking about hating the line at Starbucks. 

”You look beautiful in that dress,” Rose said, positioning herself to stand in front of Pearl, but not too close. Her arms were by her sides and she allowed her pointer finger to subtly rub against the fabric of Pearl’s dress. 

Pearl’s heartbeat accelerated when she felt the light touch and warmth of Rose’s finger against her thigh. “Thanks,” Pearl said. “I like your hair —the way it falls down past your shoulders in spirals. It’s like a, a mermaid’s.” 

This thought had been contained in Pearl’s brain ever since the beginning of the school year, before Rose had talked to her, when Pearl could only stare. Now the thought was unleashed and Pearl hoped it came across as complimentary instead of creepy or stupid or cheesy. (Please don't think it's cheesy). 

”Well, you’ll be able to run your fingers through it tonight,” Rose said with a low voice. 

Pearl gazed up at Rose with wide eyes. If they were somewhere else, alone, she would kiss Rose. (She so badly wanted to feel Rose's warm, velvety lips against her own and encompass her arms around Rose's body, sensing Rose's heartbeat). But they were at school. And Anne-Marie could be around any corner. Before Pearl could answer, the warning bell rang. Music played over the speakers. 

"I have to go to history," Pearl said. 

Rose happened to be going the same way. As they walked, Rose said, "So I checked out your Instagram." 

"I did see you DM'd me. To get my phone number," Pearl said. "Yesterday I mean." 

"Oh, yeah, but I mean last night I, like, went onto the page to, you know, see your pictures." 

Why was Rose looking at her pictures? All of Pearl's pictures were of nature and landscapes. The skate park at sunset. The boardwalk on a sunny day. Storm clouds gathering over the ocean. A field of sunflowers near the farm outside of town. 

"There's no pictures of you on there," Rose said. 

Pearl paused, stopping in the hallway right before her history classroom door. "I am not allowed to be on the internet." 

For a second, Rose laughed. Probably because she thought Pearl was joking. But once she realized Pearl was serious, she stopped giggling. This was not how Pearl envisioned herself making Rose laugh. 

"Oh," Rose nodded. "Really? How do you do homework?" 

"That is the exception. And I-I am supervised when I do go on." Pearl's cheeks felt warm. "That doesn't mean I always follow the rules. I just can't be found out. Like I can't have evidence of me existing on the internet." 

"Okay," Rose said. Her voice sounded sad, but understanding. 

"I better get to class," Pearl said. 

"I'll see you in calc?" 

"Definitely!" Pearl said. 

In class, Pearl took her seat in the front, next to Amethyst. Normally Amethyst preferred the back of the classroom, but at the beginning of the year, Pearl had convinced her to sit in the front on the first day, claiming it was the only class they have together. Amethyst sat crossed legged on her chair, to which their history teacher, Ms. Jennings said, "Feet on the floor, Castillo." 

"I'm gonna listen, but only because you're my favorite teacher," Amethyst said. 

Ms. Jennings ignored Amethyst's comment and closed the classroom door. Pearl took her seat next to Amethyst. 

"What did she say?" Amethyst said. 

"I think she wanted you to put your feet on the floor," Pearl said. 

"Not Jennings! Dude. Sometimes..." Amethyst smiled and shook her head. "How did it go with Rose? Out in the hallway." 

"Oh," Pearl said with a shrug. "Good, I guess." 

"Did she mention, well, you know?" 

"Kind of," Pearl whispered. "She said I could run my hands through her hair tonight." 

Amethyst rose her eyebrows. "You have a thing for her hair, don't you?" 

"What do you mean?" Pearl said with false bewilderment. Her face was heating up, blushing. Amethyst knew it. Pearl's intense attraction to Rose was written all over her face. 

"Did you compliment her hair?" Amethyst asked. "You made some nerdy, romantic comment about her hair, didn't you?"

"Amy," Ms. Jennings said, moving to be in front of the table shared by Amethyst and Pearl. "You're going to miss something important if you keep talking." 

"Sorry, Ms," Amethyst said. 

Pearl was relieved, but then her phone buzzed in her cardigan pocket. Amethyst gestured her head toward Pearl's pocket with a wild, jerky nod. Pearl shook her head. No way she was reading a text in the middle of class while sitting in the front row. 

After class, Pearl said, "What did you text me?" 

"Check yo phone," Amethyst said. 

In Pearl's messages, Amethyst had texted: 

**Amethyst:** See yer gonna get it ;) 

"I'm dead. Absolutely hilarious," Pearl said with sarcasm. 

"Thanks. I'm thinking of becoming a comedian," Amethyst said. "Oh and yer gonna get it!" Her arms gave Pearl a quick squeeze of an embrace. "Congrats, dude." 

Pearl had calculus for her lunch block class, which meant they had a half-hour of class, then a half-hour of lunch, and then another half-hour of calculus after lunch. This circumstance required Pearl to bring her lunchbox to class and then she would be able to enter the cafeteria with Rose. Nausea plagued her stomach. This wasn't just any normal calculus class. Today she would be sitting with Rose at lunch. 

When Pearl entered the classroom, Rose was already seated. She waved to Pearl and rested her chin on her hands folded on the desk. That's when Pearl realized Rose was not sitting her normal seat. Instead, she sat at the desk in the row behind her usual seat. Now her desk was next to Pearl's, which made Pearl allow herself a dumb, giddy grin as she took her seat. 

"Don't ask me what I had to do to get this seat," Rose said. 

"What did you have to do to get this seat?" Pearl said. 

"Oh I just had to ask, Trevor, the guy who sits behind me and next to you." A hint of a smile curled on her lips. Rose's elbow rested on her desk. Her hand fluffed her soft, mahogany hair. Pearl imagined touching it. Tonight she would get the chance and she couldn't wait to wrap her arms around Rose's waist to pull her close and kiss her. "He didn't require any persuasion." 

Mr. Simmons strolled down the rows, handing back tests from last week. When he slammed Pearl's test onto her desk, the red ink said ninety-five percent. 

"Did you legit get a ninety-five?" Rose said. 

Pearl shrugged. "Yeah, why?" 

Rose held up her test, displaying her score, which was seventy-two percent. "Uh, this is why." 

"I don't--" 

"Look at what Trevor got," Rose said, gesturing a nod toward the guy decked out in an _Overwatch_ sweatshirt sitting in front of her. On his desk, his test said, sixty-eight percent. "This was a fucking hard test." 

In front of class, Mr. Simmons stood with his arms crossed. "With the exception of a few of you, this was an utter disappointment. We are going to have to review these concepts and retest." 

"You're some kind of genius, aren't you?" Rose whispered.

A wide grin rose on Pearl's lips, showing teeth. "I don't know about that." In fact, Pearl also had trouble with the material. But she spent all night studying. From the moment she got home from dance, she helped her mother cook dinner while reading her calculus notes. After dinner, she sat at the kitchen table and practiced problems for hours while ignoring the occasional sexist comment from her father saying that she should spend her time more wisely since she's not going to college. No, she was going to be a wife. Hopefully, in her father's dreams, Jacob Walker's wife. Maybe she should spend more time on needle point? (A hobby Pearl actually found enjoyable, but calculus took precedent). Or sewing! Jacob was going to need a lot of his suits hemmed when he had his own congregation someday. These comments made Pearl want to vomit. 

The rest of the period leading up to lunch was brutal. Pearl had already learned everything that was on the test and now the entire class was relearning it. The only saving grace that got Pearl through the class was how when Mr. Simmons turned his back to write something on the Smartboard, her and Rose would lock eyes for a brief moment and beam at each other before looking away at the board or their notebooks. Instead of Pearl staring from afar, Rose was now a participant in Pearl's calculus class distraction. 

When the lunch bell rang, Pearl walked to the cafeteria with Rose. They had not yet discussed whose friends they would be sitting with. With caution, Pearl set her lunchbox at her, Garnet, and Amethyst's usual table. Rose didn't seem to mind as she took the seat next to Pearl's. 

"When's your birthday?" Rose asked. 

"Um, June 18th," Pearl said. "When's yours?" 

"April 6th," Rose said as she typed into her phone. "Just wanted to put it in my calendar." Then she set her phone down. "I can't wait for Halloween next week. You should come to Eddie's party with me. He's Elle's boyfriend. Blond guy. Wears a lot of Vineyard Vines. It's going to be lit and I love costumes, so I'm like super excited. What are you going to be?" 

Pearl froze. She didn't celebrate Halloween. Well, she did when she lived with her grandmother that one year and went trick-or-treating dressed as a fox. But that was almost a decade ago. Instead, her father held a church service so people could pray for the heathens celebrating the occult. Otherwise, one could get possessed by demons (Pearl could not wait until the day she could visibly roll her eyes at the idea of demons existing and possessing people). 

"I, um, I don't celebrate Halloween," Pearl said. Suddenly anxiety burrowed into Pearl's chest. A squeezing pressure, like someone was crunching her organs cramped her chest. She felt like an epic failure. What the hell were they going to talk about if Pearl's knowledge of, well, everything had to be filtered through her father's strict, deranged fundamentalist Christian lens? 

"You don't celebrate Halloween?" Rose said in disbelief. "I mean, you must have when you were a kid. What's the difference now?" 

Before Pearl could elaborate, Elle Spindler sat in the empty seat next to Rose. "Hey girl," Elle said. Her eyes narrowed at Pearl like Pearl had no right to be sitting with them at this table. "You two have been hanging out a lot lately." 

"Well Pearl's pretty great," Rose said, putting her arm around Pearl to give her a quick, side-hug squeeze. "So, yeah we're probably going to be hanging out a lot from now on." 

Elle rose her eyebrows at this idea. "Oh really? I didn't think Jesus Freak here would be up to hanging out with people like us." 

"Elle, don't call her that. Like, really?" Rose shook her head and mouthed, "I'm sorry," to Pearl. 

"I'm sorry," Elle said with a hint of sarcasm. "I just thought you folks liked being called that. I mean, check out Anne-Marie."

Across the cafeteria over at the Pentecostal kid's table, Anne-Marie stood up, revealing her shirt which had, "Jesus Freak" written on it in blue cursive letters over the print of a large cross. Of course she had to wear this shirt today. God obviously did not hear Pearl earlier today on the bus. 

"I'm not like Anne-Marie," Pearl said. Being perceived to be the same as Anne-Marie, a person who bragged about her purity ring and mission work in Brazil, was a nightmare. For Pearl, mission work in Brazil was practically a crime. In Brazil, Pentecostalism was growing even faster than it was in the United States. The pastors in Brazil routinely encourage their congregation to vote for the conservative party, which was actively destroying and burning the Amazon Rain Forest. Every convert in Brazil could potentially mean a new voter for the conservative party, which could destroy thousands of acres of forest. Because why care about the Rain Forest when Rapture will come? 

Pearl wanted to believe it was okay for people to believe in whatever they wanted to, but how could she be accepting if they just wanted to shove their ideas down other people's throats? How can she be okay with it if the Rain Forest is on fire?

To Pearl's relief, Garnet and Amethyst both came over to their table and took their usual seats, introducing themselves to Rose and Elle. The disruption of two new people at their lunch table, impeded the usual trio's rhythm of conversation between themselves and caused an awkward silence between the five girls

"So, Garnet, Pearl said you wanted us to get some signatures for the petition today?" Rose said. 

"What petition?" Elle asked. 

"It's their nerd petition to save the world," Amethyst said. 

"We're trying to ban single-use plastics in the cafeteria," Garnet said. 

"Why?" Elle said. 

"The school throws away eighteen-hundred pieces of single-use plastic products each day," Pearl said. "And the majority of that trash gets thrown into the ocean. Since it's not biodegradable and most stuff in recycling doesn't actually 'get recycled,' most of this trash ends up in the Pacific Garbage patch, which is a floating hunk of garbage the size of the state of Texas! It's just there in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! Do you want to contribute to that?" 

"I don't think so?" Elle let out a nervous laugh as if she was amused by a joke. She glanced over at Rose, eyes wide like she was saying, _Her? Are serious? You like HER?_ "How many signatures do you need?"

"We're aiming for five-hundred," Garnet said. "That's more than half of the student body." 

"I'll take it over to Vidalia and her friends," Amethyst said. 

"I thought this was a nerd petition, Ame?" Pearl said with a smirk. Amethyst did care after all. 

"Well, today I'm a nerd," Amethyst said. "Send me the link or whatever." Then she left the table to roam around the cafeteria to find the art clique.

It was decided that Elle would ask her usual group to sign it, while Garnet, Rose, and Pearl would roam around the cafeteria and ask random tables. Pearl was surprised that Elle wanted to help, especially after the look she gave Rose after Pearl described the Pacific Garbage Patch. Perhaps Elle's loyalty to Rose superseded her dislike of Pearl? 

They all dispersed around the cafeteria. Rose was unsurprisingly charismatic. At every table she went up to, she gave them a winning, shiny smile, and a giggling, "Hello, would you like to sign our petition to ban single use plastics in the cafeteria?" Then, would shake her head and and say "Oh, honey" as she prepared to deliver a way less intense speech than Pearl's spiel about the Pacific Garbage Patch. With a soft, bubbly tone, she would explain how adorable birds and seals were choking on the plastic and dying. "We need to save the penguins. Think of the adorable baby penguins," Rose said as she played with the ends of her hair. Usually the entire table would sign the petition. 

For the majority of the lunch period, Pearl had been avoiding the Pentecostal group's table. However, with only ten minutes left in the lunch period, Anne-Marie waved for Pearl and Rose to come over. Pearl sighed and said, "I should probably go over there alone." 

"Why?" Rose asked. 

"Oh, well, um...It's complicated," Pearl said. 

"Complicated how?" Rose asked. 

Why did she have to ask all of these follow-up questions? Pearl pinched the bridge of her nose. "I used to hang out with them, like, a lot, but now I only see them when I have to. They think I'm trying to..." Pearl drifted off. How should she frame this? Will this revelation send Rose running? If Pearl lived a true secular life, she probably wouldn't put up with this bull shit. 

"To what?" 

"To convert Amethyst and Garnet and save their souls." Pearl wanted to bury herself in the ground. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to fake sick and go home and never come back to school. 

A long silent pause followed and it made Pearl feel as if her skin was on fire and someone was stabbing her ribs with a spear. 

"Are you doing that?" 

Of course not! They had actually saved her soul as far as Pearl was concerned. How dare Rose ask her that? "No. I just need an acceptable reason to hang out with them."

"You know what I think we should do?" Rose said. 

"What?" Pearl asked. 

Rose stepped closer and whispered into Pearl's ear. "We should just pretend you didn't see her and cut lunch early, go to my car, skip the first ten of calculus, and make-out." 

Pearl's cheeks heated up and she focused on the ground on one of the teal floor tiles. She had never ditched class before. It would be fairly obvious they were both gone. "I think Mr. Simmons would not be happy if we came back late." She grabbed the side of her left arm and scrunched her shoulders from the anxiety. What would colleges think if they saw this on her record? Would they write her off? Would she lose the chance at a scholarship? What if the school contacts her parents? What if they get caught in the parking lot? 

"Don't worry about Mr. Simmons," Rose said. 

"Why not?" 

"Just don't," Rose said. 

"I don't think that's enough for me to--" 

"Do you trust me?" 

Pearl shrugged. 

"Because I think you should." Rose's gentle smile made Pearl nod and return the grin. 

Out in the parking lot, Pearl hugged herself, tightly gripping the straps on her backpack, as she followed Rose to her car. When they reached Rose's Mercedes, Rose opened the back door and gestured for Pearl to go in. As Pearl slid across the back seat, the smell of leather and floral perfume, the same scent Pearl liked to inhale when she burrowed her face into Rose's neck, filled Pearl's nostrils. Rose got in after her and shut the door.

"Babe, don't be so freaked out," Rose said, rubbing Pearl's arm. Rose's voice was warm, reassuring, like a song Pearl knew all of the words to. She leaned and Pearl could feel Rose's hot breath on her face. "I really like you." 

"I really like you too," Pearl said. 

"I promise we wont get in trouble," Rose said. "Relax." 

Pearl nodded and gripped the leather seat. "Okay. It's fine. Just because you break the rules, doesn't mean you automatically get caught, right?" Of all people, Pearl should be the most familiar with this concept. When it came to home rules, she had no trouble breaking them, but school rules? Those were different. More than anything, she treasured the fact that she was allowed to go to school. And nothing was going to take that away from her. 

"Exactly," Rose said, pushing a lock of Pearl's hair behind her ear.

After a peck on lips, Rose shifted so she was straddling Pearl's lap. The weight of Rose on top of her, made Pearl feel warm and safe. Pearl allowed herself to grip Rose's thighs. Then Rose's arms wrapped around Pearl's neck, which made Pearl wince. Pearl had almost forgotten about the death grip her father gave her the night before and the bruises that followed. 

"Are you okay?" Rose said. "Do you want me to stop?" 

"I just had a...a dance accident thing where someone was about to like fall and like landed on my shoulder?" 

"Okay, so stay away from your neck?" Rose asked. 

"I guess so," Pearl said. 

Rose moved her arms and instead cupped Pearl's cheek with her hands. Pearl closed her eyes as she took in Rose's soft palms against her skin. "I've been waiting to do this all day," Rose said.

Then their lips met. It was smoother than last time. Pearl had gained some confidence since then so she lightly bit and sucked on Rose's lower lip. Pearl had read about it on the internet earlier today in the bathroom between classes. Amethyst was partly wrong, as Pearl believed the directions she had read online were working because Rose would hum into their kiss as Pearl did this. One of Pearl's hands played with the end of a strand of Rose's silky hair.

"What do you want me to do?" Pearl asked. 

Rose's hand was on Pearl's bare thigh now and the sensation of Rose's cold hand made Pearl feel like her skin was sweltering. "You can feel me up if you want," she said.

Without responding, Pearl's hand snaked up Rose's shirt. The worry that once permeated every one of Pearl's thoughts momentarily disappeared. Touching Rose in this intimate way made Pearl feel as if they belonged together; that they were truly one and nothing could ever make them part. Pearl now understood this was what falling in love was like. 

Time passed quickly and what felt like several seconds was actually ten minutes. Pearl realized this when the timer on Rose's phone went off. "Let's just blow off the rest of calc," Rose said. "Or fuck it. -- the rest of the day." 

"I can't do that." Pearl said, like she just came out of a trance. Did that just happen? In Rose's car? During the day? While Pearl should be in calculus?

“Fine." Rose shifted off Pearl's lap and picked up her bra from the floor of the car. 

Pearl's chest twisted since Rose sounded annoyed and she didn't want to disappoint Rose. "Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah. Why?" Rose contorted her arms into her shirt as she put her bra back on covertly. 

"You sound a little frustrated," Pearl said. 

"I mean, I was having fun. Weren't you?" 

"Yeah." 

"And now we have to go back. So that's why." Rose pecked Pearl on the lips and then said, "Let's just go." 

As they entered through the classroom doors, Rose said, "Mr. Simmons. I am so sorry. Pearl and I are in the environmental club and we were trying to gain interest in our mission to ban single-use plastics by having people in the cafe sign our petition. We're saving baby penguins. I am so sorry we lost time." 

"Thank you for your activism, Rose," Mr. Simmons said. "Take your seats." 

Then he continued teaching like nothing happened. Pearl glanced over at Rose, who shrugged with a smile and mouthed, "Told you."

If Pearl had done this alone, she would probably have detention. But regular world rules did not apply to Rose. This became clear to Pearl that afternoon. 


	6. The Swan Queen

After school, Pearl avoided Rose in the hallways and decided to leave out the side doors near the gym. It was not like she didn't want to see Rose. Because she did. So badly. Rose's behavior earlier, proposing to skip the rest of the school day to hang out, tempted Pearl to break the rules. Now she had to go to dance and ballet was the only time she didn't have to think about anything else like grades, or girls, or her parents, or God. And she could be one with the movements of her body. 

Well, she also felt like that when she was with Rose, but that was different. 

Pearl had priorities and she couldn't let her hormones get in the way of going to dance. She would skip dance in a heartbeat to be with Rose. She'd probably do anything for Rose; to gaze into Rose's warm, soothing brown eyes or run her fingers through Rose's hair. God, she loved Rose's hair. When Pearl buried her face into Rose's cascading curly hair and pressed her lips against Rose's neck, she inhaled the fruity floral aroma of Rose's skin. What kind of body wash did Rose use? Pearl wanted to get it and bathe in it. 

Yes, Pearl was screwed. 

While she walked down the street toward the boardwalk, her cardigan pocket buzzed. Rose texted her. 

**Rose:** Hey babe <3 Do you need a ride home?

 **Pearl:** I'm okay! Going to dance. Thank you though. 

**Rose:** Do you need a ride to dance? 

**Pearl:** It's not that far away. I'm good. 

The ellipses flashed on Pearl's Safe Phone. Why was Rose typing a long response? Or was she typing and deleting as she tried to find the right words? Rose's persistence made Pearl wince. Why did she like Pearl this much? It did not make any sense. Even Jacob Walker did not like Pearl this much and he apparently wanted to marry her. 

**Rose:** Are you mad at me? For making you skip part of calc? 

Of course Pearl was mad. If Mr. Simmons disliked Rose, there's no way they would have gotten away with it. How would she explain a detention for being late to class because she was making out with Rose in Rose's car to her parents? And she would have to miss dance or environmental club if she ever got a detention for something like that. Who would record the minutes at environmental club if Pearl wasn't there? Surely the substitute would not be thorough enough. 

**Pearl:** No. Why do you think I'm mad at you? 

**Rose:** Because you don't want a ride. 

As Pearl was about to answer and explain how she needed to be in a specific headspace before dance, Amethyst ran up behind Pearl and wrapped her arms around Pearl's waist in one jarring movement. "Yo Pierogi! Dude, you left like there was a fucking fire!" Amethyst said. Pearl flinched.

Amethyst had a particular talent for accosting people in the most jovial way possible. She released the tight squeeze and walked besides Pearl. Garnet trailed behind Amethyst and caught up to walk next to them. 

"I need to be at dance early today," Pearl said, sliding her phone into the pocket of her cardigan sweater. They did not need to know every detail of her love life. 

"Oh you need to be a dah-nce early today." Amethyst moved her arms around, imitating a dancer, and spun around so she could walk backwards in front of Pearl. "So, I've been thinking. You want me to find you something to wear to the party tonight?" 

"You'd do that?" Pearl asked. Thank God. Pearl had no idea what to buy for her body type. Most of her wardrobe had to be modest and pre-approved. She considered the fact that she was allowed to wear pants anywhere except church a God damn miracle. 

"I got to go to the mall anyway and get some new bronzer," Amethyst said. 

"Thank you! That would help a lot!" Pearl gave Amethyst some cash from the wallet in her backpack. 

"Where'd you end up going when you cut out of lunch early?" Garnet asked like she was waiting to hear that Pearl ignored getting enough signatures. 

"Well, um, we got like fifty signatures and--" Pearl said. 

"You got fifty signatures?!" Garnet said. "I only got twenty. How'd you do that?" 

"Rose has this whole spiel about penguins choking on plastic forks. It seemed to work really well," Pearl said. 

It worked better than well. Rose's pouty face reciting heartbreaking story about penguins choking on plastics outraged people. How could someone be against penguins dying? Only a monster would be pro-dead penguins. 

"So you both cut-out of lunch?" Amethyst said. "Gee, what'd you end up doing?"

The facetious tone in Amethyst's voice made Pearl internally cringe. Pearl knew where Amethyst was going with this. "It's not really a big deal," Pearl said. "We just wanted to be alone for a bit, you know?" 

"So you hooked up?" Amethyst said. 

"Amethyst! Why can't you just let me imply things," Pearl said.

"Because it's funny to see you turn all red and embarrassed," Amethyst said. Upon hearing Amethyst's comment Garnet laughed. 

"I don't find it funny at all," Pearl said. 

"Aw, Pearl. We're just happy for you is all," Garnet said. 

When Pearl made it to the dance studio, Garnet and Amethyst continued down to the Beach City boardwalk. Outside of Cate's dance school, Pearl stood on the strip mall sidewalk and checked her phone again. Rose had not texted her again. 

**Pearl:** It's not that I don't want to see you. I really, really want to see you, but I need to be in a specific headspace before dance. I can't wait to see you tonight <3

At dance, Pearl sat on the wooden dance floor and tied the ribbons of her pointe shoes. Currently Pearl had three pairs of pointe shoes. Each week she would rotate through two different pairs. If she didn't have to waste her time at church three times a week, she would probably dance more. 

The amalgamation of cardboard and fabric that made up the box of Pearl's pointe shoe was soggy like if someone replaced the study material with old, damp newspaper. On the platform, the once pristine pink satin was ragged, dirty and peeling off. A couple days ago, Pearl had tried to stitch it back together. As a result, this pair of pointe shoes had a long, jagged stitch that reminded Pearl of the Frankenstein monster. The last time she bought a new pair was weeks ago and the need for another new pair (okay she needed to replace all three of the pairs) was approaching. At home, she spent a couple of hours a week sewing ribbons and elastics back onto the delicate-looking shoes. 

However, that's the thing about pointe shoes, they appeared to be delicate, fragile even, but inside an intricate system of cardboard, padding, and glue held the weight of the dancer all while withstanding the powerful impact of pirouettes, fouettes, pointe position, or tour on lair.

Any time Pearl felt like something was impossible, she thought about the resilience of the seemingly gossamer pointe shoes. 

After she tied the pointe shoes onto her feet, Pearl knew these shoes were "dead." But her grandma, who usually bought the shoes, could not afford new ones at the present moment. A few days ago, when Pearl called her grandma to update her on dance, Grandma confessed that the suspension on her car collapsed when she went over a speed bump too fast in a Publix parking lot. Pearl would have to wait another week or find an alternative way to buy another pair. 

Pearl's parents never bought her anything dance related. Only her grandma did that. Once or twice a week, either Pearl would call her grandma, or her grandma would call Pearl and Pearl would update her on dance and school. Her grandma was a slim woman of medium height with shoulder length hair streaked strawberry blonde and white. Since Pearl's mother had her when she was sixteen, Pearl's grandmother was in her mid-sixties. She worked as an administrative assistant at a construction company where her boyfriend, Stan, was a foreman. Being a pure Florida woman, her favorite shirt was a tank top that said, "Drinkerbell," and had a silhouette of the fairy drinking a glass of wine.

Her grandmother also did not practice any sort of religion and on every holiday visit, she would take Pearl's mother, Jules, aside and tell her to take Pearl and her sisters back to Florida with her and Stan. 

Pearl knew her mother would never do that. 

Pearl's grandma signed her up for Cate's ballet school shortly after her father moved the family to Beach City. "No matter what he says, don't give this up if you love it," her grandma had said. 

Next to her in the dance studio was a large mirror on the wall behind the barre reflecting, Ethan, a short, muscular boy with curly brown hair. He talked to the other girls, asking them for advice about where to take someone for a date. Ethan was not the only boy at Cate's ballet school, but he was the only one in their age group. Dance academies in Empire City, San Francisco, Boston, and elsewhere recruited most of the guys from the school, resulting in them leaving when they reached sixteen. However Ethan was only fifteen, which meant Cate was actively trying to get him into feeder schools for ballet companies. Sometimes Pearl did get jealous since her only chance to go to the Empire City Ballet School was squashed by her father. Then there was the issue of time in the studio. Pearl went to dance everyday except Thursdays and Sundays. But she knew it was still wasn't enough hours to keep up with the others who went to to professional schools. 

Like, Ethan practiced every fucking day. He always bragged about the ballet studio his dad made for him in their basement. 

So Pearl had to be fine with that. Instead, she would just be good at calculus and use college as a way to get out of Beach City. 

Across the room, Cate was explaining the choreography for Ethan's dance with a girl named Hannah. Hannah's grand jete was stiff. The next issue was the lifts. There were several in the choreography that Hannah could not do. One included an overhead lift, where Hannah jumped into Ethan's arms like he was a groom taking his bride over the threshold. Then he tossed her up into the air and she would half-spin into a horizontal position so Ethan could catch her ribcage. They then did a subtle shuffle so Ethan held Hannah by her hips and pelvic bones (the main reason Pearl's father forbid her from dancing with male dancers) and lift her over his head. Then Hannah was _supposed_ to stick her leg straight up into the air and hold onto to Ethan's shoulders as he steadied her with one arm. Once the position was secured Ethan would walk around stage while slowly spinning her around. While in the air, she would have her legs extended into a split. 

Hannah's half-spin into Ethan's arms was too fast, which resulted in Hannah almost falling onto the floor before he could even toss her up to catch her in an overhead lift. 

Cate muttered something about nixing the move, but Ethan objected. "We need to get this right for the Universal Ballet Competition!" he said. "I need this lift in my choreography if I'm going to place in the competition and get into the Empire City Ballet Academy." 

"We'll figure something out," Cate said. 

At the end of class, Pearl winced as she took off her shoes. All of her toes on her left foot were bruised. Should she have been more responsible and bought her own new pointe shoes? Yes, probably. But she had other priorities this week. Like seeing and texting Rose. 

Cate walked by and said, "Sweetie those shoes are dead." 

"I know," Pearl said. 

"You're going to break an ankle. Get new ones or you can't go to your next class."

Which was tomorrow morning. There was no way she could make it to the dance store before eight AM tomorrow morning. Pearl had another pair of pointe shoes in her rotation and they weren't as bad as her current pair. With luck, she could get through tomorrow's class. 

"Okay."

There goes another three hundred dollars out of Pearl's self-created and self-funded college fund. 

When her pointe shoes were off, Pearl glanced down at her bumpy, boney, bruised feet and shoved her socks back on to avoid seeing the damage. As Pearl gently tied her Vans back on, she saw Ethan, now wearing a backwards hat and yellow Nike Air sneakers, walk up to her and Cate. 

"This is not going to work with Hannah. She can't hold position in the lift. And her balance in adagio is trash." Ethan crossed his arms. He was right. His strength was not the problem with the lift; it was Hannah and her technique. "I'm holding her up the entire time. She nearly fell on her face in the fish dive. And frankly, I'm worried for her teeth if she continues practicing this routine with me." 

"Hannah is the one who was cast in this part so--" Cate began to say. 

"I want to dance with Pearl," Ethan said. "You know it will be better if I dance with Pearl. We've both seen her form when she pirouettes. It's flawless. She'll be able to hold her position for the lift. " He looked down at Pearl, who still sat on the floor. "Quite, frankly, I'm surprised you're still here and not an apprentice somewhere."

Did he really just say that? A statement like that coming from the meticulous Ethan was like Pearl being declared the heir to the throne of England. 

"Ethan, Hannah was the one who was cast and--" Cate said. 

"But why? It makes no sense." He let out a laugh in disbelief. "Pearl, you know, I'm right."

What was he looking for Pearl to say? _Yes, I should be dancing with you?_ Pearl would never say that aloud. Ethan could never know the real reason Pearl was forbidden from dancing with him. It was too embarrassing. 

"Hannah was the one who was cast," Pearl said. With urgency, she scooped up her bags and left the dance studio. 

Outside, she tried to skate to Garnet's, but every time her Vans met the pavement, her toes felt like they were being crushed by a meat tenderizer. Instead, she carried her skateboard and walked. While passing through the Beach City boardwalk, she checked her phone. 

**Rose:** I can't wait to see you too. Sorry I'm weird. I'll stop being weird. Have fun at dance <3\. 

**Pearl:** ~~I love you.~~

Better not send that message to Rose. It's way too early to be confessing eternal love. Right? 

Garnet lived in a typical middle class neighborhood with sidewalks and colonial style houses a couple miles away from the Beach City boardwalk. Pearl stopped in front of the red colonial house to admire it. A maple tree stood in the front yard. Its leaves, changed by the late October weather, made the branches look like they were on fire. The door was a light blue, which Pearl liked because it gave a welcoming presence to the house. Like it was saying, _Come on in. Nice people live here._

It was the kind of house Pearl wanted to live in someday. 

When Pearl knocked on the door, one of Garnet's moms, Ruby, answered. Ruby was a petite, yet brawny woman always dressed in athletic gear. As a CrossFit trainer, Ruby's wardrobe mostly consisted of gym shorts and spandex t-shirts. After Ruby greeted Pearl, she said, "We're about to eat. Come on in." 

Garnet's other mom, Sapphire, was a defense lawyer. On occasion, Pearl would see her, but on days after school like this, Ruby was the only parent present. But when Pearl did see them together, it made her feel less alone, yet more isolated at the same time. Would she be able to be normal like this someday? Hopefully. 

In the kitchen, Garnet and Amethyst sat at the kitchen island, eating pizza. 

"Don't worry, we got you a salad!" Ruby said. This surprised Pearl. Even her own parents neglected the fact that she was a vegetarian and also disliked pizza. 

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," Pearl said. 

"She wanted to," Garnet said. 

"Nonsense!" Ruby shoved a salad in a compostable cardboard box into Pearl's arms. Her eyes narrowed into a serious expression like she was confessing a sin to Pearl. "I watched that documentary you told me about last time you were here." 

"You did?" Pearl said. No one ever watched the documentaries she suggested. 

"Oh yeah. I was horrified. I'm not going full veg, but I am definitely only going to be buying free range chicken from now on," Ruby said. 

"That's great to hear," Pear said. But what about the cows and pigs? And the lambs? Better not push it. People hated when she did that. Was she exhausting to be around? Probably sometimes. 

When Pearl sat down at the kitchen island, Amethyst said, "I got you some good shit at the mall. You're going to look bangin' tonight." 

"Banging?" Pearl said. 

"Don't worry," Amethyst said. "Trust me. She's going to freak out -- in a good way -- when she sees you."

Freak out? In a good way? That sounds perfect. Pearl so badly wanted Rose to love her back. 

"Now that everyone's here, I'd like to go over some ground rules for tonight. Especially if all of you are intent on looking 'banging,'" Ruby said, disturbed by the ridiculousness of Amethyst's slang. "Garnet, what are the rules for the car?" 

"I am the only one allowed to drive the car. No eating inside the car. If I get too incapacitated to drive the car -- which I wont be because I don't drink."

"If I don't say it and it happens, I'll...well, Garnet, I'm not even going to entertain that thought, but you get it," Ruby said. 

"Sorry, Mom. If that happens -- It wont, but if it does-- I'll call you, not Uber, because--"

"They do not do sexual offender background checks on their drivers!" As Ruby said this, her finger pointed to both Pearl and Amethyst. "You both need to know this too. Do not use their service." 

"Anyway, call you or Mum to pick us up if we need to go home," Garnet said. 

"Thank you. Okay, now I feel a bit better." Ruby paused. Her hands rested on her waist. "This is so exciting! Your first party!" Her arms squeezed around Garnet like she was trying to suffocate the tall teenager. 

"Thanks." Garnet squirmed in the loving death grip of a hug. 

"Oh, I just love you so much!" Ruby said. 

"I love you too, Mom," Garnet said. 

Ruby released Garnet from the embrace and turned to the girls. "I'll be in the basement. Netflix just added _The Quick and the Dead_ and since Sapphy's still working on a case going to trial on Monday, that's what I'll be watching. So please let me know when you're leaving." 

"Yup, will do, Mom," Garnet said. 

When Ruby disappeared into the basement, Amethyst hopped off her stool. "All right, P. We got some work to do. Up to G's room. Chop. Chop. It's already like 8:30." She gestured for Pearl to stand up. 

"But I'm not done my salad," Pearl said. 

"Take it with you! We only have like an hour to get you ready!" Amethyst said. 

That seemed like a long time. It only took Pearl twenty minutes to get ready for school in the morning. "Why is it going to take--" Pearl asked. 

"NO TIME FOR QUESTIONS DUDE! Just get upstairs." Amethyst linked Pearl's arms in her own and guided her upstairs. 

Pearl found herself sitting on Garnet's bed, hands folded neatly in her lap. Garnet's room was painted pale blue. Posters of professional athletes lined her walls. Pearl knew Garnet practiced MMA fighting after school and competed on the weekends. Garnet lounged at her desk, feet up on the surface. In front of Pearl, Amethyst stood in the middle of the room with a plastic bag from H&M in her hand. 

"Everything you need is in this bag. Go into the bathroom. Take a shower. Then change into the clothes I picked out for you," Amethyst said. 

In the bathroom, Pearl stared down into the black hole of a bag. Even though sometimes Amethyst irritated the hell out of her, Pearl was grateful that Amethyst went to all of this trouble. After taking a shower, Pearl dried off and put on the clothes Amethyst had bought; a bright blue crop top and a pair of black jogger pants. However when Pearl looked in the mirror, she felt self-conscious about showing this much skin. Why did she feel exposed? It's just skin. All she had to do was keep telling herself that. Her arms wrapped around the pale, white gap of skin between her shirt hem and her pants.

When she went back into Garnet's room, Pearl said, "I don't know about this shirt." 

"What?" Amethyst stood up, acting like she was offended. "How dare you?" 

"Yeah, how dare you?" Garnet said. 

"How dare I what?" Pearl said, confused. 

"How dare you keep from us that you're an absolute snacc!?" Amethyst said with a straight face before erupting into laughter. "Dude. You mad hot. She's going to freak the fuck out when she sees you." 

Pearl allowed herself a smile and for her arms to hang loose by her sides. To erase any self-consciousness about this whole ordeal, Pearl thought about how this was sort-of like _Swan Lake._ In the ballet, Princess Odette, cursed by a sorcerer, can only appear in her human form at night. During the day, she transforms into a swan. The duality of her being earns her the name The Swan Queen. 

Tonight, Pearl didn't have to be like a meek swan. She could be human. 

"She's right," Garnet said. "I mean, look, Pearl! You have abs." 

"I do?" Pearl looked down at her flat stomach. 

"You do," Amethyst said, taking Pearl by the small of her back and guiding her over to Garnet's desk.

"Must be from all that ballet," Garnet said, standing up from her chair. 

"Now sit down." Amethyst pulled a black make-up bag out of her backpack like she was a magician waiting for their audience to react to their trick. "This is yours." 

To most people a make-up bag wouldn't seem like a big deal. A lot of people have them. However, Pearl was only allowed to wear make-up for dance competitions and the strict nature of her father's 'no make-up' rule involved him taking crazy lengths to stop her from wearing it outside of these dance competitions. To prevent access, he kept Pearl's dance make-up bag in the safe; next to the passports and his gun. It was pure insanity, in Pearl's opinion. 

"Really? I didn't give you enough money for--" Pearl said. 

"Don't worry about it." Amethyst waved her away and dumped the bag onto Garnet's desk.

"Are you sure?" Pearl asked. Despite never buying make-up, Pearl knew this kind was expensive. 

"I made like five hundred bucks last month from the ad revenue from my videos. So many people want to know how to cut their own bangs for some reason. That with my Fryman money, I'm doing fine."

"Oh my God, thank you!" Pearl hugged Amethyst. 

"Okay, dude. Let go before you suffocate me," Amethyst said. 

"But you don't need to give me a makeover," Pearl said. "I do, do my own make-up for dance competitions. I appreciate the thought though." 

"I don't give makeovers," Amethyst said. "I enhance who you truly are. Besides, you have no idea how to put this stuff on without looking like you're going to star in _Swan Lake_. Sit." Once again, she directed Pearl to replace Garnet in the seat at the desk.

"You know about _Swan Lake_?!" Pearl asked. She was literally just thinking about _Swan Lake_ a few minutes ago. 

"There's this movie where it's relevant to the plot. Kind of a mind fuck. I don't think you'd like it though." Amethyst sighed. "Look, we don't have much time. Sit." She gestured to the chair. Pearl finally sat down. 

"Do you always need to wear make-up for every occasion? Or to look sexy? No. But you deserve to actually have the chance to wear it for fun for once," Amethyst said. 

Pearl's religion did not outright forbade make-up on women. This was her father's rule. Pants were a maybe. It depended on which sect of Pentecostalism they were practicing. The more conservative sects only allowed women to wear skirts or dresses that went past the knees. (Who would have thought knees were scandalous?). Pearl's father followed suit with the "hip" sect of Pentecostalism where he did not ban make-up or pants on his women parishioners. His more "modernist" approach attracted new members through Christian rock numbers. Pearl found the concept of catchy music being used to attract converts similar to the sirens in _The Odyssey._

The only time Pearl ever saw Amethyst be serious was when she was applying make-up. She bit her bottom lip as she contoured, tinted brows, and drew on eyeliner.

"This is art, Pearl," Amethyst said. "Just think of yourself as a canvas and sit fucking still so I don't mess it up. I'm giving you watercolor lids. So you need to keep your eyes closed cause I'm using like four different colors and it takes a while." 

Wet locks of hair stuck to the back of Pearl's neck. But her eyes? The lashes were fluttery. A rainbow swirl of blues, pinks, and yellows splotches covered her eyelids like the canvas of an impressionism painting. 

"You're like the Monet of eyeshadow," Pearl said, looking into the mirror. 

"I don't know who that is, but I'm guessing you're calling me a genius?" Amethyst said, cackling.

"Well, Ame, you are very good at this," Garnet said without looking up from her phone. 

Amethyst took Pearl's damp shoulder length hair into her hands, running her finger through the strawberry blonde strands. "You know what you should let me do?" 

"What?" Pearl sighed. 

"Cut your hair. Like to your chin. Maybe something A-symmetrical? It'll be fire." 

"I'm not allowed to have it shorter than this," Pearl said, motioning to her shoulders. 

"What? Why?" Amethyst said. 

"My father doesn't consider it feminine." 

"Oh and how terrible that would be? To not be your dad's definition of feminine," Amethyst said with sarcasm. 

"I know. Without long hair, the church people wouldn't know to automatically treat me as a second class citizen," Pearl said, equally sarcastic. 

"The horror," Garnet said with a laugh. "Oh, Pearl, I'm so sorry." 

"We'll just have to work with what I have," Pearl said. 

"Half-up it is." Amethyst blew a raspberry. 

Pearl counted down the days until her eighteenth birthday. Seven-hundred and forty-nine? Something like that.

As Garnet drove Ruby's car, a noticeable difference in the neighborhood became apparent. Cute, two-bedroom beach cottages were replaced by larger, taller houses with long driveways and hedges blocking the street view. Then the houses stopped. Only trees hugged the road. Then the road just...ended. Large brick walls covered in vines indicated the end of the street. 

"I didn't realize this was a dead end," Garnet said. 

As they drove closer, the headlights illuminated a domineering iron gate, also covered in vines; the entrance to Rose's house. 

Why couldn't they see the house? No one on this part of the barrier island had a yard this big. It was unheard of. Usually houses, even the ones worth millions, were packed together tight, consuming the scarce beachfront space. 

"You know what? Let's just go back to Garnet's," Pearl said. 

"What?" Amethyst said. "We haven't even got to the driveway yet." 

"Exactly." Pearl sunk down into the car seat. "We can't even see the house from here." 

"She's rich as fuck, P. Rich people don't like their houses being seen by the public," Amethyst said. 

"Can we just pull over for a second?" Pearl asked. 

Garnet pulled the car over ten feet before the gate and brick walls. "She's expecting you," Garnet said. 

"I'll just say I got sick," Pearl said. Currently that was not too far from the truth. Her stomach turned. 

Then Pearl received a text. 

**Rose:** Hey! How far away are you? 

Amethyst unbuckled her seat belt and glanced over Pearl's shoulder from the back seat. "Dude. It's gonna be fine once you get in there." 

"I don't...I just..." Pearl could not get the words out. Tears filled her eyes. 

"I know, dude," Amethyst said, patting Pearl's shoulder. "This is pretty stressful. But please keep in mind I spent like an hour on that eyeshadow and if you cry it will be ruined." 

"Look at the house! Could you even call that a house?" Pearl said.

"Well, we can't even see the house," Garnet said.

"Exactly!" Pearl said. "We can't even see the fucking house! That's how insane this property is. I don't get it. Why does she like me?" 

"Cause you're awesome," Garnet said.

"What G, said," Amethyst said. 

This made Pearl smile and it eased the tightening in her chest. 

"Now that we've settled that, can we go?" Garnet said. 

Pearl breathed in deep. "I guess so." And texted Rose back. 

**Pearl:** Here now! At the gate.

 **Rose:** Perfect <3

At the gate, Garnet rolled down her window to speak into a voice box, like one in a drive-thru. "Name?" A pompous male voice said. 

"Garnet?" Garnet said. 

"You're not on the list. Vacate the premise," he said. 

"Uh, we're here with Pearl." Even though Garnet was wearing sunglasses, Pearl could see her friend's brown furrow in irritation. 

Then the gate opened. To Pearl's surprise, the driveway was short and the home was hidden by trees. Waves from the ocean echoed through the car. The beach was right here. From the outside, Pearl surmised the cedar shingled beach mansion had a five car garage and stood on a couple acres of land. A fountain stood on the lawn in front of the main door. 

"Fuck, dude. It has its own beach." Amethyst pressed her nose against the car window. "And it's almost as big as our school." 

They went up to the door. Pearl stood on the porch near the front door, shaking and covering the naked piece of skin between her shirt and pants with her arms to keep warm from the cold sea breeze. 

A man with graying hair and neat, well tended mustache, and a full three-piece suit greeted them at the door.

"Yo dude," Amethyst said. "We're here for the party."

"Yes, I presume you're here to see Miss Rose Diamond?" he said. 

"That's right," Garnet said. 

"But if we're not supposed to be at this door, we can always--" Pearl began to say. 

"Follow me," he said. 

Through a large foyer with a crystal chandelier, and dark wood walls, the butler led them to a great room. A dozen or so people from school lounged on the couches or they were huddled around the enormous kitchen island. R&B music played. An array of large windows revealed views of the ocean and the indoor pool, which consisted of a room covered in white marble tile. 

When Pearl scanned the room and found Rose in the kitchen, laughing at something Elle said. She wore a long sleeve pink baby-doll dress. Her glossy, curly brown hair loosely fell down her back, moving like a flowing river. When Pearl made eye contact with Rose, Rose ditched Elle and another girl, Ali Michaels, to run over to Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst. For a brief moment, it looked as if Rose wanted to scoop Pearl up into a hug, but she stopped short and pretended to fix her hair. 

It only took Pearl a hot second to see that most of the people already there were staring at the whole interaction, whispering among themselves. 

"Wow, Pearl..." Rose stumbled over herself as her mouth warped between biting her lip and a wide smile. Her hand gestured toward Pearl as if she wanted to touch Pearl's hip, but then Rose restrained herself. Her fingers curled into a fist and, with a dramatic motion, she stretched her arm into the air. "You look...wow. You're so fucking gorgeous." 

"Thanks, uh, but it's nothing compared to how you took," Pearl said. _Which is like if spring came early; bright, beautiful, warm like a field of flowers at dusk._

"Jesus, get a roo--" Amethyst said before Garnet elbowed her in the arm. "Ouch, dude!" 

"Hi, Garnet, Amethyst. So glad you both could come!" Rose said. Then she took Pearl's hand while saying, "Let's go do shots!" and pulled her toward the kitchen. 

In the kitchen, Ali poured a large handle of blue vodka into shot glasses.

"Ali, add three more," Rose said. 

"Oh, Garnet doesn't drink," Pearl said. 

"She doesn't?" Rose asked. "Why?" 

Pearl shrugged. Garnet had a multitude of reasons why she didn't drink and Pearl didn't feel like listing them off like she was reading a recipe. 

Elle texted on her phone and said, "Damnit. Eddie's going to be late. He had to get a job to pay for the repairs to his dad's Corvette." 

"How much does he owe?" Ali asked. 

"His parents wont tell him. Something about how it's going to cost a lot to fix the car and he could never pay for it with a minimum wage job. So they're teaching him a lesson and he has to give them like half his paycheck every week," Elle said. 

"Can't be as much as when Rose totaled her dad's Bugatti." Ali laughed like this was an inside joke among their circle of friends. 

Pearl had never heard of that kind of car before. She only had a learner's permit and couldn't get her license until next month. Her father did not let her drive his truck, so she could only practice driving her mother's Honda Civic once in a while due to her dance schedule. Other than that, the only kind of wheels she had were the four polyurethane ones on her skateboard. 

"Oh thanks, Al, for reminding me," Rose said with sarcasm. "At least he still had the warranty when it happened. So now he has a new one in addition to the other four he already had." 

"Pearl, a Bugatti is a _very_ expensive car," Elle said with a cadence as if Pearl were a child. 

_Like, fuck her, right?_ A nice person would have assumed Pearl would secretly search "Bugatti" on her phone in the bathroom later. 

"Like a Porsche?" For some reason Pearl felt pressured to contribute to the conversation. But once Pearl saw Elle's eyebrow raise her her lips curl into a patronizing grin, she started picking at her cuticles. She should have stayed quiet. This was above her pay grade. 

Elle and Ali laughed. "More like three Porsches," Elle said. 

Rose leaned against the kitchen island. A taut scowl scolded her friends for their response. "Stop being bitches." Then she forced a smile to say, "Or you can go home." 

"Sorry," Elle muttered.

"We didn't mean it," Ali said. "Pearl, your eyeshadow is lit. So gorgeous." 

Rose rolled her eyes and passed two filled shot glasses over to Pearl. "Pearl, you want to take these over to your friends?" 

"Um, yeah," Pearl said. 

Back over with Garnet and Amethyst, Amethyst had settled into the living room and was now rolling a joint on the coffee table. 

"See, you need roll it like this. Otherwise, it wont be tight enough," Amethyst said to several guys surrounding her. 

"My brother told me to roll it like this," a guy wearing a Supreme sweatshirt said.

Amethyst allowed him to show his the alternative way before stopping him and saying, "Is your brother a college freshman?"

"Yeah, he goes to Dartmouth," Supreme Sweatshirt said. 

"Well, excuse me for criticizing a college freshman's method. I'm sure he's a freaking expert." Amethyst sighed, realizing this guy did not understand sarcasm. "Look, dude, it will fall apart if you do it that way." 

When Amethyst saw Pearl with shots, she jumped up and went over to the wispy strawberry blonde. "Those guys are a bunch of clowns," Amethyst said. "So keep in mind I'm here for you." 

"How touching. And to think I thought you were here to see the indoor pool," Pearl said. 

"Well, that too," Amethyst said. 

"You literally said, you didn't want Pearl's father to prevent you from going to a 'lit indoor pool party,'" Garnet said. "I have textual evidence."

"That was before I realized all of the guys here are... well, look at them!" Amethyst said. 

Rose appeared from behind Pearl, setting her arm around Pearl's shoulders, which made Pearl's limbs tighten into a stiff, tense position. What would people think?

Rose said, "What are we toasting to?" 

"To Pearl finally leaving the fucking house," Amethyst said. 

"That," Garnet said. 

Rose tried to restrain a laugh, but she was not successful. "To Pearl finally leaving the fucking house." 

Only Rose did not fully understand what Amethyst meant. The laugh was all Pearl needed to hear to know that. She would have to explain to Rose later. 

As they downed the shots of vodka, Pearl winced. The alcohol stung her tongue and throat and made her gag. 

"I'll get you a chaser," Rose said. She came back with a glass of lemonade and handed it to Pearl, who chugged the glass of sweet liquid. "Oh, my god you're so cute." Her hand rested on Pearl's shoulder, cupping it as Pearl drank from the glass. 

"Thanks?" Pearl set the empty glass down on a side table on top of a coaster. "Do you have any more lemonade?" The taste of the vodka and blue raspberry syrup stayed in her mouth even after the lemonade. This type of vodka was like liquid cough syrup. 

"Yeah, let me get you some." Rose went back to the fridge.

Pearl steadied herself with the back of the grey sectional couch. Then Pearl looked around the room. Only a small amount of people were there. All of them lounged in Rose's living room as if they lived there; without worry or anxiety. Like they had been there hundreds of times before. She caught wind of a conversation happening next to them, between the guys Amethyst was talking to, where they were discussing which Caribbean island their families planned to go to for Christmas this year. Pearl thought about what Amethyst said about the other people at the party and realized they didn't really belong here. Once again, the nagging doubt of why Rose liked her made Pearl feel as if she were a tea kettle without a way for the steam to escape. An insurmountable dull pressure pained her chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30k-ish words in and I'm finally 95% done with all the set-up for this story! So hopefully not too many chapters like this (where Pearl is just going around about her day and changing clothes) for a while. I really wanted to get through the entire party in this chapter, but it didn't work out with all the set-up I had to do. 
> 
> Everything I set up will pay off, so I promise this will fit in later.
> 
> Also I wanted to add that Pearl presently low-key hates Elle (Spinel) and vice versa, but there's more to her character that I haven't really gotten to yet. It mostly has to do with Spinel being jealous of the new attention Rose is giving Pearl.
> 
> And thanks for the comments/kudos/bookmarks!


	7. Rose's Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't hold any of the religious or spiritual beliefs in this chapter. What Pearl describes as her belief system is based on an existential concept called the Eternal Return theorized by Nietzsche (who I consider to be a gateway philosopher that a lot of high school students like and find after they start questioning their current monotheist belief system).

As the night progressed, Pearl played flip cup, did more shots, and then sat with Rose on one of the great room’s couches. Rose had made Pearl a mixed drink out of lemonade so Pearl didn't have to taste the stinging vodka. Rose rested her head against the couch cushion and held a glass of a pink, bubbly wine cooler. Her hair cascaded down her shoulder, all on one side. Pearl mirrored her and also rested her head on the back couch cushion, facing Rose and looking into her sweet almond eyes. Any semblance of anxiety panging Pearl's chest had subsided and she no longer cared what people thought when she sat with Rose like this. If anyone said anything, it was clear, Rose would take care of it and put them in their place. It also seemed like this group of people didn’t care what their friends did (unlike the kids who went to her church). Pearl found that reassuring. People can wonder, but it can never be confirmed. For now at least. 

"So I had a lot of fun with you in my car today. I hope you had a great afternoon even though we had to go back to class." Rose bit her bottom lip. "Did you learn some stuff?" 

There was a smirk on Rose's face that wanted to erupt into a full-fledged smile. The dimple of her left cheek quivered. Pearl did not know if she appreciated this joke or not. Going to class and following the school rules was no joke for her. It mattered. 

"Fine. I guess I learned some stuff." Pearl sipped the vodka lemonade in attempt to hide her scandalized reaction. What was Rose implying? That they should have had sex instead of going back to calculus? If Pearl had told this incident to Amethyst, she would have surely said that's what Rose wanted to do. 

"In the car or after?" Rose’s eyebrows rose up, like she knew Pearl was flustered. Because, yes, Pearl was flustered. How red was she? Her skin burned. Why did Rose do this to her? It was like all self control went out the window, never to be seen again, as long as Rose was in the same room as Pearl. 

"Both," Pearl said. Why not flirt about it? At this point it was no secret that they liked each other. 

"Good to know," Rose said. "And how was dance today?" 

"It was all right. I need new pointe shoes and my grandmother can't get them until next week. So my feet are kind of killing me." 

Rose gazed down at Pearl's feet, which were covered by her socks. "Where do you get those? The internet?" 

"Well you have to get fitted for them or go to a place that's fitted you before. And my grandma will usually transfer me some money so I can go to the store and buy new ones. But she had to like get a new suspension for her car. Um, so I just have been waiting a bit longer than I normally do."

"Oh. Interesting," Rose said. 

Someone passed Rose a joint. Pearl did not notice who; she was too busy focusing on Rose's deep, friendly brown eyes. She took it to her pink lips and inhaled. Then she passed it to Pearl. It burned Pearl's lungs like they had just filled with hot ash. She coughed until Rose urged her to use the vodka lemonade to coat her throat. 

"Oh, and there's this whole thing where the best guy dancer in our class, Ethan, wants to do a pas de deux with me, which is..." Pearl cleared her throat. Still ashy. 

"Step of two. A partner dance?" Rose said. 

"Yeah! Do you--" 

"The term is fairly close to English. Romance languages are like that. I also speak French." Rose's looked embarrassed, flushed. "Not a big deal, especially when, like me, you end up going to a French immersion boarding school for like all of middle school. Anyway, go on..."

"So he wants me to dance with him for this big competition coming up in March. He's trying to get into a company ballet school, which is like basically the first step to becoming a professional ballet dancer. And he wants to dance with me. But..." 

Usually this explanation embarrassed Pearl. It exposed the strictness of her father's rules. It made people crank their heads to the side. They would question the logic of it. And Pearl would have to say, _That's the thing, there is no logic to it_. Maybe that's why she liked math. Everything in math required logic. Like 1+1=2. Every time. No matter what. Process mattered. The order of operations mattered. The answer was always the same. No matter what part of the world the equation was solved in. Math was a universal religion in that sense; everyone needed it and it always had the same answer. 

Pearl laughed. Why was this funny right now? Oh, the marijuana. She had never done it before, but according to Amethyst, everything either became an anxiety inducing nightmare or was absolutely hilarious. 

"You're not allowed to dance with boys," Rose said, returning the giggle. 

"Yeah," Pearl said. "Oh, yeah! I've told you that before." 

"A little ironic then, huh?" Rose's hand cupped Pearl's shoulder.

"I'd say it's more than a little ironic," Pearl said, still snickering. She would love to stop giggling, but it was uncontrollable. Although, Pearl had to admit, it was nice to actually laugh about something this ridiculous for once. When Pearl calmed down, she said, "I just wanted you to know I'm sorry I was distant about the dance stuff earlier today. It just means a lot to me and I need to go when I'm supposed to," Pearl said. 

"So your parents make you go." Rose said this like a statement instead of a question. 

"It's nothing like that. I make me go. Like, I choose to go that much. I would even say they'd probably be happier if I quit." Pearl's father would have a field day and probably throw a celebratory church function if Pearl quit the last secular secular extra curricular activity she participated in outside of school. 

"I think my parents would be happy if I chose even just one school activity. For college applications and stuff like that. Now I have environmental club though." Rose shifted close to Pearl. "I’d like to see you dance.”

”You would?” Pearl said.

“I bet you look beautiful, graceful, spinning around like that.” 

Pearl’s throat dried. She liked being complimented like this. No one complimented her like this. Sure Amethyst would tell her she’s ‘a snacc,’ but it didn’t make Pearl feel like she mattered. Rose referencing how Pearl would look during an activity Pearl loved made the difference and filled Pearl with confidence. They smiled at each other like they both agreed to the unspoken desire to be alone together.

"Do you want a tour of the house?" Rose asked. 

"A tour of the house?" Pearl asked. 

"Yeah," Rose said. 

Pearl looked around the room. Amethyst and Garnet were talking to a group of people, who were all laughing at something Garnet said. Despite her stoic nature, Garnet was hilarious. 

"I'd love a tour of the house," Pearl said. _To your room? I'd like a tour that ends in your room._ Pearl felt ready, yet anxious like before a drop on a rollercoaster. But mostly ready. She wanted this so badly. If there was anyone she wanted to sleep with, to be that intimate with, it was Rose Diamond. _God, please let this happen._

As they walked through the hallway corridors, Rose unlocked the doors as they navigated through the hallways. "Got to keep the party focused in one part of the house," Rose said when they entered a formal dining room that looked like something out of that movie _Beauty and the Beast_. The next room was the commercial kitchen. "For events and stuff like that," Rose said. 

Between the stainless steel counters, a faint overhead stove light provided a glow. The room was silent. Even the loud hip-hop music from the party in the great room couldn't penetrate the walls of this kitchen. Now they were alone. Truly alone. No one was in this part of the house and Pearl could finally let her guard down. She decided to be brave and moved toward Rose, taking Rose's cheek into the palm of her hand. Since Rose was at least six inches taller, Pearl stood up on her tip-toes until their lips met.

Finally. 

Putting her weight on her feet like this after ballet practice on dead pointe shoes was like standing on spikes. Pearl's feet ached and stung. It was worth it though. Rose's lips were soft. She tasted like wine. Her skin smelled like flowers. All night, in the presence of others, had built this moment up. And now they were free to show affection for one another. Rose leaned against the stainless steal kitchen bench and pulled Pearl by her behind against Rose's leg. 

"Fuck you're so hot," Rose said, looking Pearl up and down. Pearl could feel the shallow breaths of Rose's chest rising and falling as they embraced. 

"I am?" Pearl said. 

"Yeah. And you're eyes are so beautiful. Like the clear cerulean ocean at the beaches in St. Kitts," Rose said before resuming the rough, sloppy kiss. 

When Pearl pulled away to get a gasp of air, their foreheads rested against each other and Pearl whispered a barely audible _I love you._

But Rose did not signal if the three words registered and continued kissing Pearl. Moments later, she stopped and pecked Pearl on the forehead. "We should continue the tour. There's something I want to show you." 

She unlocked a door and led Pearl into the formal living room. Compared to the great room where the party was taking place, this room looked as if no one had sat on the ornate couches adorned with hand sewn floral designs in years. Above the fireplace mantle, a painting of the Diamond Family hung like a dark, domineering presence. Like it was saying, _I'm watching you._ A younger Rose stood next to a blonde, serious woman sitting in a chair. Another blonde girl, who was a teenager forcing a smile in this painting, stood behind their mother. A brunette teenager lounged on the floor. A seemingly genuine grin on her was the only semblance of happiness in the entire painting. In another chair, an older man with white hair and a formidable stare looked as if he was glowering at whoever made eye contact with him. 

Was this what Rose wanted to show her?

"Don't worry, this isn't what I wanted to show you. It's more like a detour. A weird and creepy detour. That's my family. Years ago, my mom wanted a real portrait of us. It took like five appointments and all of them lasted hours. I think I was like five when we got it done." Rose said. "Don't we look miserable?" A mocking laugh escaped Rose's mouth. "Well, except River. That's why she's the actress. And Amber's the protégé. She'll probably be like a CEO. And me? I'm the fuck-up." Rose sighed and tilted her head.

What was she thinking about? Her brown eyes looked like she was about to cry at any moment. 

"I don't think you're a fuck-up," Pearl said. "I mean, you are in AP calculus. That's like really hard to do." 

"You're so sweet and supportive. I love that about you." Rose paused. "But I've been kicked out of three boarding schools, two private days schools, and I've totaled two very, very expensive cars. Neither of my sisters did anything remotely similar to any of those things. Not even once. My parents definitely think I'm a fuck up. I'm trying not to be though. That's why I took AP calculus. And why I only invited fifteen people to this party instead of sixty like last time." Rose's gaze fixated on the portrait. Her arms fell loose by her sides until Pearl felt the prodding of Rose's soft fingers against her own. Their fingers entwined and the innocence of the act compared to Rose's idea of a rendezvous in the middle of lunch made Pearl see a more morose side of Rose. "Your parents... Do you like them?" Rose asked. "Not love them. That's entirely different. But like do you like them as people?" 

Just the other day, Pearl decided she did not like her father. And it hurt to decide this. Love between a parent and a child was supposed to be unconditional, right? So what did it mean if she does not like him? If she frequently wished or prayed for him to be out of her life? 

"Not really," Pearl said. "My dad is kind of a misogynistic asshole and my mother does whatever he says. They have specific expectations of me and I know I can't live up to them. I feel like I'm just biding my time until I can move out and inevitably disappoint them. And I hate that. But the alternative is, well... " _Living a huge lie. Not just for now, but forever_. "Do you like your parents?"

"I like my dad. I think he gets me...He's hard to read sometimes. My mother, well, she's an entirely different story. Like I've said, I've already disappointed both of them. Several times. Do you think your parents like you?" 

"I think my dad does, at least that's what my sister's said. That he likes me best. Mom doesn't seem to care about anything I do," Pearl said. 

"My mom doesn't care what I do either. I like to think that my dad 'likes me best' as you put it. He wants me to go to Princeton. That's where he and Amber went. And my grandfather, too. And great-father. And so on. You get it. Because he wants me to be like him, makes me think he cares, you know?" 

"I'd love to go to Princeton," Pearl said. 

"Babe, you're so smart. Like you're the only junior in AP calc. I bet you'd get in in a heartbeat. Maybe we could even go together? At the same time with me a year ahead of you? That's be nice." 

"My academic performance is not the issue," Pearl said. "It's a lot of other stuff. My dad doesn't think I need to go to college because I'm just going to be someone's wife. And I need him to fill out financial aid forms." 

"Did your dad come into this century from 1955 in a Delorean?" Rose turned to Pearl. 

"What?" Pearl asked. What gibberish was this?

" _Back to the Future_?High School kid goes back in time to save his old dude scientist friend, and to get his parents back together so he wont stop existing?" Rose said. 

"I don't...I don't know." Pearl sighed, frustrated. Why didn't she know anything? Why couldn't they just talk about the one show Pearl watched (and only did because Amethyst had shared her Hulu account with Pearl a mere three days ago).

Rose took both both of Pearl's hands and placed them onto her own waist. Rose was aware of Pearl's bruised neck from earlier in the Mercedes and wrapped her arms around Pearl's waist, bringing her into an embrace. Their faces were inches away from another. Pearl stared into Rose's half-lidded eyes. When they kissed, Pearl tried to appreciate Rose's soft lips and she tried to move her hand so she could run her fingers through Rose's hair, but out of the corner of her view, she caught sight of the portrait where it seemed like Mr. Diamond's sullen scowl was focusing on her. Like he was saying, _Get out of my house and away from my daughter!_

Pearl pulled away. Her entire body sweltered and she stared at the ground. "Um, it's kind of hot in here." 

"Oh, sorry," Rose snorted a laugh. "It's a bit creepy in here, isn't it?" 

"Kind of," Pearl said. 

"Pearl, it belongs in a del Toro movie," Rose said. "Not exactly comfortable. I'm sorry. Probably should have just stayed in the commercial kitchen." 

Another reference, another exchange Pearl did not understand. 

Now was probably the best time to tell Rose. "Look, I can't do a lot of things. Like I had to get special permission to come here tonight by telling my dad this was a sleepover because I'm not even allowed to go to sleepovers. This is technically the first one I've been to in years. I'm not allowed to go on the internet. Or watch television. Or read books that aren't on a list my dad keeps in a binder at his office at the church. Or date anyone unless my dad approves. And if he does it has to be a boy and we can't kiss until our wedding day. Which is insane. But what's more insane is that I can't even dance with a boy for a ballet recital. I'm technically not allowed to even be friends with Garnet and Amethyst because unless I'm trying to convert them to Pentecostalism. So, I can't do, well, practically anything and I don't get away like this a lot. I just thought you should know. Because this, us, cannot be a typical thing. Not until I go to college or move out." 

"I am so sorry," Rose said. 

"It's not your fault," Pearl said. And it was not. Rose didn't send Pearl's father to a rehab that happened to be run by the Pentecostal church. A judge in Florida did that. 

"Do you believe in God? Like how your dad does?" Rose asked. 

"Not like how my dad does," Pearl said. "I want to-try to believe in something." 

"What do you believe then?"

"I don't believe in the bible. But I believe in the idea of fate. I spent a lot of time in the library this summer, to get out of the house and be alone and watch documentaries on Kanopy or read some philosophy books where there's this concept called 'Eternal Return.' Which means we're destined to just keep repeating our life, like it's on a loop. Like a song on repeat. Over and over again. That's why everything we do matters and we can't do what other people want us to. Because we're the ones that have to repeat our own lives. Not them." 

"So in this theory, we've already been together?" 

"I guess you could say that we're destined to be together for eternity if life is a circle," Pearl said. 

"Yeah? I like that." Rose kissed Pearl's jawline. "I want you to know that I'd never let anything bad ever happen to you." 

"It's not a simple as that," Pearl said. 

"Pearl, my grandfather started one of the largest financial firms in the United States," Rose said. "And my father is on the Board of Directors. He made twenty-seven million dollars last year." 

"I thought your dad owned Diamond Financial," Pearl said. 

Rose let out a small snort. "No one owns financial companies anymore. There's a corporate structure. He owns shares. Before that, it was privately owned by a holding company. He's on the Board of Directors though, so he does make some decisions. " 

"Oh," Pearl said. 

"But my point is, I wouldn't let anyone take you away from me." Rose's supple cheek snuggled against Pearl's skin. "Come on. I still have something I want to show you," Rose said. Her voice was low and the vibrations made Pearl's chest pound like her heart was going to beat too fast and explode. 

Rose gestured her head toward another door, into a garage. Floor lights illuminated each car in its spot. An array of blue, red, white, lime green, and black sports cars lined the room. "These are Bugattis," Rose said. "My dad loves them. Probably more than any living person in the whole world." 

She stopped in the middle of the room and gestured to an electric blue and black car with sleek curves, making it look more like a racecar than something to drive around Beach City. 

"This one, this is one I totaled. Well, it's the replacement" Rose sighed and shrugged. "Whoops." An exaggerated, cringey smile lit up her face. 

"Wow," Pearl squeaked. 

"Seven hundred grand down the toilet. Let's just say it's a miracle they let me drive now," Rose said. "The insurance premium must be cheaper than hiring a driver and paying for their health insurance." 

Rose laughed at this, like it was a joke. But Pearl didn't really get it. 

"This car is worth seven hundred thousand dollars?!" Pearl stepped away, backward from the car. 

"Oh, God no. Not anymore. This one is six-hundred and fifty. Depreciation." Rose smiled, amused from shocking Pearl. "It's not even the most expensive car in here. That white one over there is." Rose opened the front door to the driver's seat. "You want to sit in it?" 

"Seriously? More than six hundred grand?" Pearl said. "I don't think I should...is this what you wanted to show me?" Pearl imagined scratching or damaging a car worth a half a million dollars or more. Jesus. 

"Another detour. Sorry." Rose blushed. "Maybe you'd like to try and drive it another time when we haven't been drinking?" 

"Um, maybe?" Pearl said. There was no way Pearl was going to drive something that was worth more than her parents' home. 

Rose took Pearl by the hand outside through the garage door, locking it before they went out to the vast, green lawn. They were outside now. It smelled like fall; burned leaves and crisp air. Rose guided Pearl by her hand through the long, pristine green lawn. Echoes of waves crashing into the rocks on the beach filled the air along with the buzzing of cicadas. 

Pearl's phone buzzed. It was Amethyst. 

**Amethyst:** I'd ask you where you are, but I think we both know that ye're probs gettin it. 

**Amethyst** : but in all seriousness. r u okay? 

**Pearl:** I'm great! 

**Amethyst:** u sure

 **Pearl:** Yes

 **Amethyst:** Good. cuz g is stone cold sober and we're ready to come and find you and bring u home if you need us to

 **Pearl:** I'm good son't worry thank you for checking are you okay? 

**Amethyst:** Never been better. hav fun. 

**Amethyst:** Love you. 

**Pearl:** Love you to 

Upon reading the message, Pearl realized she made an unusual amount of spelling and grammar errors. She would normally use asterisks in a follow-up message and correct what she did wrong, but Rose stopped pulling her so she shoved her phone in her pocket. They were on a hill that overlooked the bay and they stood in front of a glass greenhouse glowing a faint white and gold in the darkness of the boundless yard of the Diamond Estate. 

_"This_ is what I wanted to show you," Rose said with a wide smile. 

"It's huge," Pearl said. Usually only commercial greenhouses were this monolithic. 

"It's my favorite place. I think I spend most of my time here. Even if it's just sitting and being on my phone or doing my homework." 

Rose led her inside. Warm air and a floral scent hit Pearl. In that moment, Pearl realized Rose didn't smell like body wash or a certain perfume she did not know the name of. The scent was from the myriad of flowers in the greenhouse; pink and purple orchids, pink and white lilies, blue hydrangeas, yellow daffodils, violets, dahlias, and, of course, pink, red, and white roses. 

Then Rose let out a sigh of relief as she said, "I love flowers."

It was like Pearl had been transplanted into another world of swirls of colors. And the most enticing fragrance that had every reached her nostrils. And Rose did this? Rose really did love the environment. 

Yes, Pearl loved her. Possibly more than anyone she had ever met in her entire life. 

"You planted these?" Pearl asked. 

"Only some of them. We also have a gardener," Rose said. 

"Wow," Pearl said. "It's amazing! Like, Rose, this is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen." 

"Thanks. I thought you'd like it," Rose said.

"Why didn't you tell me about this when I asked you about your hobbies?" Pearl said. 

"I don't know. It's not something I really talk about a lot. With anyone."

"Really? Why? This place is...just amazing. Just like you," Pearl said. 

"Oh-um...Thank you. I don't think they'd get it, I guess." Rose picked up a pair of scissors off a wooden bench and snipped off a pink and white lily. She pivoted and tucked the flower behind Pearl's ear. "But I wanted to share it with you because I knew you'd get it." 

Pearl could probably die in this moment and be completely satisfied with her life. Rose glanced down at her and smiled. Her arms engulfed Pearl. Pearl leaned into Rose's warm, safe body, feeling Rose's heart thump as Pearl rested her head against Rose's chest. In Pearl's ear, Rose whispered, "Dance with me like a pas de deux." 

Pearl thought about her feet and how much they hurt. But Rose's warm body was pressed against Pearl's back and Rose's arms were wrapped around Pearl's body, settling right on her bare stomach. And the vodka made everything less painful. Maybe her toes could stand it for a few minutes. 

"Oh, but your feet. Sorry. You don't have to. I forgot," Rose said. 

"I'll be fine." Pearl didn't have to be en pointe (it wasn't like she could anyway since she was not wearing pointe shoes). Makeshift moves would work; steps similar, but adapted to this situation. "I'm resilient." _Like pointe shoes_. "Ready?" 

"Yeah." Rose said. 

Pearl turned back around. "Hold my waist," she said and positioned her arm up in the air, curling her wrist. One leg rose up to the side.

"Not a problem," Rose said. Her hands cupped Pearl's sharp hips. 

Pearl was on one foot, her good foot, in attitude balance. "Bend me forward. But keep your posture upright. Just use your arms." And when Rose obeyed and Pearl found herself dipping forward, she looked down at the shiny white floor of the greenhouse soiled in splotches of dirt. "Okay," Pearl breathed in deep, fully trusting Rose not to drop her. Rose's silky hair tickled the back of Pearl's forearms.

Even without music Pearl found it the most moving dance she had ever done. Without music, she listened for the crashing of waves and the buzzing of the bugs outside of the greenhouse. When Rose brought Pearl back, tight against her body, Pearl spun around toward Rose, but did so in a way where her right leg shot straight up and rested against Rose's shoulder. 

"Are you kidding me?" Rose giggled. "You can do that?" 

"It's not the only thing I can do." Pearl's long nose brushed against Rose's face. "Dip me?" 

Then Rose steadied her hand on the small of Pearl's back and dipped her. A cascade of Rose's dark hair surrounded Pearl like a cocoon. And then their lips met, slowly. Pearl liked being held and kissed in this manner where her leg was still positioned over Rose's shoulder. It made her feel as if she were floating. But the rougher the kiss became, the less control Rose had holding Pearl up. Although this rarely happened, Pearl lost her balance and they crashed to the ground with Rose on top of her. 

"Oh, my God are you okay?" Rose said. 

"I'm fine," Pearl said. She had fallen worse before when skateboarding. This was nothing. Besides, she liked the pressure of Rose's weight on her body. "Can we stay like this for a moment?" 

Rose adjusted herself so she straddled Pearl's hips and Pearl was no longer looking up at the stars through the greenhouse glass ceiling. Instead, her eyes locked with Rose's, who smiled down at Pearl. "Are you sure you're okay, my Pearl? 

_My Pearl._ The phrase aroused mixed emotions from Pearl. She's never been someone else's before like this yet the phrase 'my' sounded like a strange term of endearment. But as she kissed Rose back, the idea that Rose considered Pearl to belong to her made Pearl giddy with excitement. 

"Your Pearl? Does that mean you're my Rose?" Pearl asked. 

"Yeah," Rose said, settling her elbows on either side of Pearl's head. From this view, Pearl could see and count every one of Rose's freckles across her nose. Rose leaned in so their noses were touching. Normally, Pearl was self-conscious about her long nose, but Rose had a way of putting her at ease. "I love you too" Rose said. 

_Too?_ So she heard Pearl earlier? And she felt the same way? _Dear God, thank you._

"You do?" Pearl asked. 

"Yeah." Rose rubbed her nose against Pearl's and said, "You're mine. And I'm yours," which sent Pearl into a fit of giggles. "God, you're cute," Rose said. Her eyes became serious and her mouth parted, like how Amethyst demonstrated earlier for Pearl to put on lipstick. "Babe, how drunk are you?" 

"Not that bad," Pearl said, even though she had only been drunk once before and she was way worse now than the previous time. Over the summer, Amethyst urged Pearl to sneak out of her room in the middle of the night and meet her at the mobile home park playground. They sat on the roundabout and drank out of a water bottle Amethyst had filled with vodka. Pearl downed almost half the bottle and could barely walk straight. She had to lean on Amethyst to walk home and when she sneaked through the window, she crashed and fell on the floor, waking up both of her sisters. Luckily she was still wearing her pajamas and made up a lie to them about falling out of bed and muttered that they should go back to sleep. 

"Hmm..." Rose's lips pursed and she nodded. "I think we should go to sleep." 

Pearl found herself nodding and following Rose back to the house. They slipped through a side door that Rose apparently had the keys to. Rose laced her fingers with Pearl's and gently pulled her up a staircase, which led to a long hallway. Rose opened a wooden door with her name written in gold cursive across the frame. Inside, Pearl stood in the large room with a wall of windows facing the bay. If it had been daytime, Pearl probably could have seen all the way to the next state over. Rose turned around and leaned against the door. "We should just go to sleep. You know? I think you--I mean, I think we're both wasted."

"Oh, yeah. You're probably right," Pearl said. In truth she was having trouble standing still. 

The bedroom was painted white. Rose had a king size bed with a sparkling pink bedspread. Windows lined the wall that faced the bay. Pearl could see the lighthouse beacon shine in the distance. Two doors on each side of the room revealed a bathroom and a walk-in closet. Through the door to the closet, Pearl saw clothes scattered on the entrance's floor. 

Rose took Pearl by the shoulders and guided her to a walk-in closet. Inside, Rose shoved the stray clothing aside with her floor to make a path. Her eyes scanned the draws before she picked out a pink and blue pajama set and handed it to Pearl. "It's probably a bit big for you, but there's a drawstring to adjust the pants."

Pearl looked at the pajama set and then up at Rose. A woozy, debilitating jolt hit Pearl's head and stomach at the same time. All the color drained from her. 

"Are you okay?" Rose asked. 

"I don't um..." The back of Pearl's throat dried. Then her stomach turned again like someone was repeatedly socking her in the gut. "I need to--" 

"Oh, my God! Okay! Don't worry!" Rose darted across the room to retrieve a trash bin. 

Pearl found herself vomiting into Rose's trash bin with Rose holding the bin with one hand and Pearl's hair with her other. The sound and sight of the splash of the contents into the metal bin would probably haunt her forever. Rose probably though Pearl was gross at this point. 

"I'm sorry I threw-up." Pearl was on the verge of tears. 

"Baby, it's okay. How many shots did you do?" Rose stroked Pearl's hair. 

"Like six. And I had some of that wine. And then there was flip cup." 

"Okay, that's like way too much for you." 

"You think?" Pearl said with irritation. Tears burned her eyes. "I shouldn't have drank that much. I was just trying to show you I could fit in with your friends." 

"Really?" Rose's expression dropped like she just saw someone kick a puppy; complete mortification. "No. No. This isn't your fault at all. I'm sorry. I didn't realize... Jesus. I should have checked in with you more. This is my fault. I am so sorry." 

Pearl was not sure how long she vomited for. All she remembered was Rose giving her a glass of water and a wet face cloth. Then she lay down and passed out in Rose's bed. Hours later, when she woke up, the lights from the chandelier hanging in the middle of the room, illuminated every shadow or dark space. It was still dark out and Pearl probably only had slept a few hours. A throbbing pain behind her eyes made Pearl pinch the bridge of her angular nose. Next to her on the nightstand was a glass of water and Excedrin. A note on a pink slip of paper said, _You might need this <3 Rose_. In bed, Rose lay face down toward the other edge, mouth slightly parted, with one arm hanging off the side. Pearl took a moment to take the aspirin and then briefly watched Rose sleep. Was this weird? Probably, but Rose looked so beautiful. 

The crop top made Pearl shiver. She was cold and wanted to cocoon back under the blankets, but her mouth tasted terrible. Across the room, she spied the door to a bathroom open. Inside the bathroom, Pearl closed the door and stood next to a clawfoot tub. 

She searched Rose's cabinet for toothpaste or mouth wash. On one shelf, she spotted a couple of prescription bottles. And even though she was tempted to look at what medication the bottles contained, Pearl respected Rose's privacy and kept looking for something to cleanse the faint taste of vomit in her mouth. Pearl found some spearmint toothpaste, make-up remover, and some facial cleanser. Looking in the mirror this hungover did not help Pearl with her self-confidence. Her make-up had smudged underneath her eyes and the once rainbow colored eyelids were now just black. Greasy strawberry blonde strands of hair fell over her forehead. After brushing her teeth with her finger, Pearl started to wash her face.

Then she heard Rose say, "What are you doing?" 

Pearl wanted to answer, but her face was covered with soap and she was submerging herself with splashes of water. 

"What am I doing?" the shrill voice of a woman said. Who was this? A maid? Nanny? One of Rose's sisters? 

"You're supposed to be in Paris until Sunday!" Rose said. 

"Well, you were once again alone this weekend. Which I felt bad about. So I caught an early flight. And what do I come home to? My entire house smells like marijuana, there's a gaggle of teenage boys sleeping in my great room, you're obviously drunk and high, and who could be in the bathroom.? Hmm, shall we see?" 

"That's none of your business!" Rose yelled. "Stop! You can't just be gone for two months and all of a sudden come back and tell me what to do!" 

When Pearl realized she did not lock the door to the bathroom, she stood at the sink, petrified. The make-up from the night before melting off her face as she did not use the remover wipe yet. Maybe if she stood here quietly Pearl's mother would not come in? The door swung open. She didn't even knock. What normal person did that? 

Standing in the middle of the doorway was a tall blonde woman wearing a white, fuzzy turtleneck sweater, jeans, and high heeled black leather boots. Her skin had a waxy, shiny texture and Pearl derived, from the woman's high cheekbones, that she probably had a lot of plastic surgery done. Pearl recognized her from the Diamond family portrait. For one reason or another, Rose's mother had come back from Paris a day early. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of stuff to do in the weeks coming up. Usually I only post a chapter when I have an additional unreleased chapter written that needs to be edited/rewritten. Right now, all I have written for this fic is my outline. So the next chapter probably wont come out until next month (probably around my Thanksgiving break).
> 
> Anyway, thanks everyone for the great comments and the kudos/bookmarks!


	8. The Edge of the Unknown

Everything about Mrs. Diamond exuded an icy, stoic exterior. Her white blonde hair fell down her back, across the fuzzy, shimmering threading of a white cashmere sweater. Her boney, angular body reminded Pearl of icicles hanging off the roof of the church's gutters after a storm in January. Cerulean eyes scanned Pearl's face as if she were trying to recall Pearl's name. But of course she didn't know Pearl since Pearl had only known Rose for a few days. As Mrs. Diamond crossed her arms, revealing her long, boney fingers, she reminded Pearl of the White Witch from the _Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe_ , which was one of the few pre-approved book series Pearl was allowed to read since it contained Christian allegories. 

Yes, in _The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,_ the White Witch was basically Satan. So, naturally, the similarities terrified Pearl, causing her to stumble over her words. 

But this woman was not a fictional being, like the White Witch. No, this woman was her girlfriend's mother. Saving this interaction at all costs became Pearl's mission because she was falling in love with Rose, and the thought of losing Rose now shook Pearl to her core. 

At this point, Rose was the only reason Pearl felt human. 

Droplets of cold water slid down Pearl's face. The collar of her crop top dampened; the water spreading and darkening the teal to navy. Pearl wanted to speak and say something, but her throat dried, causing her to cough. Mrs. Diamond held the door frame tight, like she was going to tear the molding off the wall. 

Pearl managed to stutter, "He-hi Mrs. Diamond...I'm, uh, Pearl." 

"Wipe your face and then leave the bathroom," Mrs. Diamond said. 

"You can't tell her what to do!" Rose said as Mrs. Diamond shut the bathroom door. 

Pearl grabbed a facecloth and dried her face. A smudge of black eye make-up settled under her eyes. In panic, she scrambled through the cabinets again, but couldn't find the make-up remover. Through the door, she could hear the faint voices of Rose and Mrs. Diamond arguing. 

"Well, she's in my house and that means--" Mrs. Diamond said. 

"If it's your house, then why don't you live in it?" Rose said. "Huh? I thought you lived in Paris since you spend so much time there!" 

"Oh, you got me, Rose. I'm the terrible one who left you alone with your father." There was sarcasm in Mrs. Diamond's voice, but it faded and her tone changed into one of lament. "Where is your father?" 

"He's in the city," Rose said. 

"He's in the city. Just great..." Mrs. Diamond said. 

Pearl opened the bathroom door and caught sight of Mrs. Diamond pinching the bridge of her nose. 

"So your father leaves and you take the opportunity to have a party even though I explicitly forbid them?" Mrs. Diamond said. 

"It not a party! It's only fifteen people!" Rose said. 

"Fifteen people isn't a party?" Mrs. Diamond said. "Are you fucking kidding me? People were drinking. What if one of your friends decided to jump off one of the cliffs into the ocean while they're inebriated? There are rocks at the bottom that you can't see in the dark. Do you know who has to deal with that if it happens?" 

"Daddy?" 

"No. I do. I deal with everything!" 

As Pearl stood in the doorway, her feet felt like she was stuck in mud up to her knees. Panic set in, and as her chest thumped in pain, she thought about running out of the room. This was an intimate moment between Rose and Rose's mother. It was like watching a scene from a diary come to life with Pearl being an intruder reading all the secrets of the Diamond family. Her eyes locked with Rose's warm brown ones and Pearl realized she couldn't leave Rose like this; Rose wanted Pearl to stay. Dragging her feet, Pearl focused on the ground as she walked over next to her girlfriend. 

"And I don't even want to know what was going on in here before I came in." Her eyes looked Pearl up and down, judging and evaluating Pearl. Was Pearl good enough? Probably not, Pearl determined. 

"You know what? Nothing happened. We were sleeping! I hope you know, you're embarrassing me!" Rose said, but this time it was a yell. Intense anger simmered in her eyes. Her hand twitched, fingers moving in tight, controlled motions like it was taking every fiber of her being to stay calm. The gesture reminded Pearl of how Mrs. Diamond gripped the door frame molding. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm embarrassing you?" Mrs. Diamond said. "Do you know what people say about you? How Rose Diamond manages to fuck up every opportunity, ones that most people can only dream of, that's handed to her." 

A pause amplified the tension between the mother and daughter. Rose didn't say anything because, as Pearl surmised, of course Rose knew what people said about her. Who those people exactly were, was unknown to Pearl. 

"I am at the end of my rope with you. Neither one of your sisters behaved this way," Mrs. Diamond said. 

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you, like they are!" Rose said, before breaking down into sobs. 

"Do you know what I was doing at your age?" Mrs. Diamond asked. 

At the same time, Rose and Mrs. Diamond said, "Modeling in NYC and sending money back to my mother so she could pay the mortgage on our house and--" 

They've obviously had this conversation before. Several times. Enough times for Rose to have memorized her mother's monologue about modeling when she was sixteen, a year younger than Rose's current age. 

"Real, funny, Rose! You're just so fucking smart, aren't you?" Mrs. Diamond said with snippy sarcasm. Then she pointed at Pearl. "You. Come with me." And gestured for Pearl to leave the room with her.

At first Pearl did not move. Did Rose really just have a heated argument with her mother like that? Rose and her mother seemed to have this argument like it was a common occurrence. Pearl was sure this was not the ideal mother-daughter relationship, even though they spoke more freely to one another than Pearl did with her own parents.

The first summer Pearl had to go to Bible Camp, the summer she was eight, a hundred kids crowded into this cavernous church that looked more like the auditorium to a brand new high school than a church. A group of theater performers used marionettes to act out parts of The Book of Matthew, directing the puppets' every move with strings. Pearl's relationship with her parents felt like that; like Pearl was the marionette and they were the theater performers using the Sermon on the Mount as a string to control Pearl into doing whatever they wanted.

Although Pearl was controlled, Rose was ignored as if her very existence was an annoying inconvenience. Which existence did Pearl prefer? Neither, probably. 

"Don't tell her what to do!" Rose said. 

Why did Mrs. Diamond want Pearl to go with her? What if she decided to call Pearl's parents? Then she'd be screwed. 

"I'm the adult. I'm in control. Not you. You? You, Rose, are the architect of your own demise," Mrs. Diamond said. "I want every kid out of here by eight. If I cannot enjoy my morning coffee without seeing a teenager in my house that's not you, then I'm taking your car away." 

"Daddy gave me the car and you can't take it away. Only he can!" Rose said. 

"And I'm checking the mileage on the Bugatti collection. If the odometer on any of those cars is even one mile over I'll--" 

"I get it! You'll be disappointed. You are disappointed. Just leave me the fuck alone already!" Rose said. 

Pearl followed Mrs. Diamond toward the door. 

"Pearl, you don't have to go with her," Rose said. 

Mrs. Diamond laughed. "Oh, she doesn't?" 

A decade of unwillingly participating in a bigoted and terrifying religion had taught Pearl to practice compliance and submission when dealing with authority figures. Punishments were worse when one resisted. Maybe if she listened, Mrs. Diamond would let her off easy and not call her parents? 

"I should go," Pearl said. "I'll see you Monday." Unless her parents found out. If they did, she'd be gone by the end of the weekend' on a plane to the Dominican Republic for who knew how long. 

They left Rose alone in the room and when the door creaked as it closed, Pearl found herself in a dim hallway with Mrs. Diamond. The walls were blue; a detail Pearl had not noticed last night when she was drunk. 

As Pearl followed, Mrs. Diamond said, "She has some emotional problems and apparently therapy isn't working." She sighed and led Pearl to the staircase. The house was dark and Pearl could not see down into the foyer. It was like her future was a black hole full of unknown possibilities.

Maybe she could run away instead of going back home? Where would she go? Last summer, after her grandmother and Stan briefly visited for 4th of July Weekend, she had begged her grandmother to take her back to Florida. As her grandmother sat in the passenger seat, Pearl's hands clung to the open window. The hot, stinging steel lightly burned Pearl's palms, but she didn't let go. Stan still drove forward, slowly, as Pearl walked by the car and said, "Can't I go back with you?" 

And her grandmother said, "I'm so sorry, sweetie. That would technically be kidnapping. I want to take you. I really do." Then she grabbed Pearl's hand and added, "The day you turn eighteen, you can come stay with me." 

Since then, the rustling sound of the tires crushing the gravel of the mobile home park's roads, had haunted Pearl to the point where she hated hearing the cars drive by on her way to the bus stop.

All Pearl had to do was wait. Be quiet. Stay out of the way. Then she would be eighteen and technically "free." Count the days...Pearl was too hungover to remember how many days she had left until her eternally elusive eighteenth birthday. Because where else could she go? Nowhere. 

"Um, Mrs. Diamond?" Pear said. Tears stung her eyes. She sniffed in. "Are you going to tell my parents?" 

"About the party? Uh, no," Mrs. Diamond said, like this was the dumbest question she had ever heard. 

"No. About me and Rose." 

"I don't even know who you parents are and..." Once again, her eyes scanned Pearl up and down like she was judging the quality of Pearl's clothing. "I don't think I ever will. So don't worry about that." She paused, then said, "You seem like a nice girl. Can I give you a word of advice?" 

"Sure," Pearl said with a whimper. 

"Don't get too attached. Just last month it was a boy named Sam. And before that there was Mike. And Connor. And Alex. You get it? Sweetheart, you probably deserve better." And then Mrs. Diamond disappeared down the dim hallway, blending as one with the darkness and leaving Pearl to stand at the edge of the staircase. 

Describing what Mrs. Diamond said to Pearl as a "gut punch" was an understatement. It was like the time Pearl had just caught a major wave back in Florida, only she slipped off her surf board and tumbled into the warm gulf water. For a brief second, everything was calm and the water was like a sweet embrace. However, then the wave crested and crashed, forcing her under water; dragging her body in every direction while the ocean pulled her back into the undertow. It was like she was laying on the back after her lungs had filled with water; gasping for breath as the sticky, itchy sand clung to her back. Like her nose was stinging from salt water and breathing burned her lungs like she had inhaled ash. 

Nausea rumbled in Pearl's stomach. The relief of Mrs. Diamond deeming Pearl's parents too insignificant to even acknowledge made Pearl want to throw up. She took her time walking down the stairs. When she made down to the foyer, she saw someone using their phone flashlight in the hallway that led to the great room. 

"Dude! Where the fuck have you been?" Amethyst said with a harsh whisper. Behind her, Garnet followed. 

"We were worried," Garnet said. "You haven't answered any of our texts."

"We were literally about to go and knock on every single door of this maze of a house. We were like this close to calling G's moms," Amethyst said, pinching her fingers together. But then she saw Pearl's puffy face. "What the hell did she do to you?!" 

"Nothing," Pearl said, hugging herself. She shrugged. "Really." 

"Then why are you crying?" Garnet said. "You need to tell us, Pearl." 

"Rose's mother came home early and Rose got in trouble--" 

"Don't tell me she called your parents?!" Amethyst said. 

"No," Pearl said. "She said... it's not important what she said. Mrs. Diamond wants everyone to leave and I'm just a little shook is all." Her arms hugged the bare skin revealed by her crop top as if she were wearing an uncomfortable Halloween costume.

Amethyst sighed. "I'll get our bags. Meet you both in the car?"

Garnet was silent until her and Pearl waited in the car for Amethyst. "When my mums first got together, Sapphire's father refused to talk to Ruby for a year. Like, Pearl, they went to my mum's house and my grandfather refused to talk to Ruby. Then they got married and he started saying one word syllables." 

"It's not like that," Pearl said. "It's not...Mrs. Diamond knows Rose is queer. Unlike my parents with me." 

"I see," Garnet said. 

"It was the way she looked at me. Like I'm not good enough. Like I'll never be good enough." 

"Well, I think she's wrong," Garnet said. 

"Of course you do," Pearl said. 

"So? I'm right and she's wrong." 

Pearl smiled at Garnet and said, "Maybe this whole thing is a mistake? Maybe I should just break it off before this becomes...very...even more complicated." 

"But you like her. A lot. And she likes you a lot too." 

"Yeah, I do like her a lot. Probably more than a lot," Pearl said. 

They spotted Amethyst leaving the mansion, rushing out and dragging the bags behind her like she was late for a flight and running through an airport. In mere seconds, she opened the door to the backseat and tossed the overnight bags in. "Go!" Amethyst said. 

"What did you do?" Garnet said. With a calm demeanor, Garnet's hands rested on the steering wheel. Clearly, she was not going to listen to Amethyst's desperate request. 

"Okay, so there was this dude I made out with last night," Amethyst said. 

Pearl's brow furrowed and her head snapped back to see Amethyst cowering in the backseat. "Who did you make out with?" 

"A guy named Eddie," Amethyst said, wincing like she knew how Pearl was about to react. 

"Elle's boyfriend?!" Pearl said. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" 

"I didn't know he was her boyfriend!" Amethyst said. 

"Do you ever pay attention to what other people do at lunch?" Pearl said. "They're all over each other!" 

"Why would I pay attention to that table?" Amethyst said. 

"You paid attention when I was staring at Rose!" Pearl said. 

"That's because I was wing-manning you. It's different," Amethyst said. "I didn't give a fuck about what the rest of them were doing." 

"Ame, did you see Elle and Eddie together when you went back to get our bags?" Garnet asked. 

"Maybe," Amethyst said. "Fine, yes, I saw them and that's when I realized my fuck up! Happy, P?" 

"No. I'm not happy at all. This entire thing has been a total disaster," Pearl said. She buried her face in her hands. "Can we just go, Garnet?" 

Garnet pulled ahead a few feet when Rose, still wearing a tank top and pink flannel pajama bottoms, ran out the front door of her house and waved frantically for Garnet to stop.

"What do you want me to do?" Garnet asked as she stopped the car. 

Rose made it to Pearl's passenger side window. Her hands rested on her knees like she was trying to catch her breath, and her eyes were puffy likely because, moments ago, she had just managed to stop crying.

"Um," Pearl sighed.

Rose's lips pursed in concern as she motioned for Pearl to roll down the window. 

Pearl exchanged a look with Garnet, who lowered her sunglasses. The heterochromia in Garnet's eyes was the main reason she wore sunglasses and she rarely took them off out of self-consciousness. But, for Pearl, Garnet had lowered them; to tell Pearl to give it another shot. 

The window lowered. Salt air filled the car. It was refreshing like opening a new bottle of shampoo. 

Out of breath, Rose said, gripping the open car window, "I am so sorry you had to be part of that." 

"Oh, um...okay. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Like at all," Pearl said, looking down at Rose's hand, and noticed it was the same grip as how Mrs. Diamond squeezed the door molding in the bathroom. 

"But I am worried about it," Rose said. 

"You better be because your mom made Pearl--" Amethyst began to say. 

"Amethyst!" Garnet said. 

"What?" Amethyst said. "I'm supposed to let her just like barely apologize to Pearl after her mom treated P like complete shit?" 

"Pearl, what did my mom say to you?" Rose asked. 

"Nothing," Pearl said with a nervous half-laugh. Then she got out of the car, away from Amethyst's commentary. On the front lawn, in front of the fountain, Pearl stood in front of Rose, looking up at the much taller girl. 

Rose reached for Pearl's hand and linked her fingers into Pearl's. "Don't listen to what she has to say. I swear it's like her mission in life to destroy mine. Like, Pearl, she leaves for months and then comes back and thinks she knows what's best for me? She _barely_ knows me." 

The circular motion of Rose's soft thumb on Pearl's hand made Pearl want to melt inside. See, Rose apologized. She wanted Pearl. She loved Pearl. And of course Rose's siren voice apologizing turned Pearl into a putty molded into Rose's design. A thin lipped grin lit up across Pearl's face. 

"Let me make it up to you. What are you doing right now?" Rose said. 

"Don't you have to clear people out the house?" Pearl said. 

"Oh. That." Rose rolled her eyes. "That will take care of itself. People usually leave by ten. My mom is probably jet-lagged and already on her third Xanax of the day, so she'll be passed out. Probably already is. Then it's just me alone all day. Unless you let me make this up to you." A cute smile curled across her lips and Pearl felt like she could die at the sight of Rose smiling down at her with those large, hypnotic brown eyes. 

Imagining Rose alone in the big house with no one to talk to immediately made Pearl both sad and jealous. Sharing a room with two sisters under the age of twelve and living in an nine-hundred square foot mobile home (roughly half the size of Rose's great room) was on the other side of the extreme. 

But Pearl did not have the luxury of having no obligations. She had to keep face with her father. 

"I have to go surfing with my dad," Pearl said. 

"You can't cancel?" Rose asked. "Come on, don't you want to stay and have some fun?" 

Fun? Was Rose implying what Pearl thought she was implying? As badly as Pearl wanted to stay, it was the last day of the year it would probably be over sixty-five degrees and Pearl had never ditched a commitment she made to her father before. So, no, she couldn't cancel. 

"Of course I want to have fun..." Pearl's cheeks heated. "Sorry, I can't cancel on him. 

"But I want to see you," Rose said. 

"I want to see you too, but I can't stay." 

"What about tonight?" Rose said. 

"I have to work at Fryman's," Pearl said. 

"Can I visit you there?" 

"Um, I guess so." Pearl shrugged. "But I'm going to be like making sandwiches the whole time though." 

"What about tomorrow? What are you doing?" Rose asked. 

"I have church," Pearl said. 

"That can't be more than an hour. What about after that?" 

Church service that's less than an hour? Now that sounded like heaven to Pearl. Services at her father's church easily took three hours. And after the service, they had to stay and open the soup kitchen for lunch. 

Oh, and then Jacob was coming for dinner. Pearl was not looking forward to Sunday at all. That detail, she would leave out. Rose didn't need to know about that. Maybe Pearl could fake sick and get out of it? She had been throwing up every Sunday morning before services for at least a month anyway; a combination of anxiety and disgust. 

"Can I text you about it?" Pearl said. 

Rose's face dropped, like she had been brushed aside after making a monumental discovery. "Oh, I see..." 

"No, it's not like that," Pearl said. "Remember last night when I told you this wouldn't be conventional in anyway?" 

"Yeah," Rose said. 

"Well this is part of that." Pearl wanted to kiss Rose, but they were outside in the middle of Rose's front yard. A gaggle of people from the party were still inside. So instead, Pearl said, "I love you." 

"I love you too," Rose said. 

"I'll text you later today," Pearl said. 

"All right," Rose said. "I'll miss you." 

"I'll miss you too," Pearl said, but she quickly added, "but if you want to stop by Fryman's and say 'hi,' like I wouldn't be annoyed or anything. Um, I would...I would love that." 

"Okay." Rose smiled. "I'd love that too." 

"I usually take my break at seven," Pearl said. 

"Oh, I happen to be free, exactly at seven," Rose said. 

"What a coincidence," Pearl said. 

"Total coincidence," Rose said. "But, I mean, it's not like I had plans or anything. My girlfriend is working tonight so...I'll see you at seven?"

"Yeah," Pearl said. "I'll see you at seven." 

"Can't wait," Rose said. "I still want to continue what we were doing in the backseat of my car yesterday." 

"Now's here's another coincidence: I also want to continue what we were doing in your car yesterday" Pearl said, beaming. 

"Although, I'd really like to see you alone for more time than just fifteen minute increments," Rose said. 

"We'll figure something out," Pearl said. 

"I might need some help in calculus on Monday afternoon. You think your parents would let you do that?" 

"I think they would," Pearl said. 

"Great," Rose said with a giggle. "Because I can't fail." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "My parents would kill me." 

"I'd never let you fail," Pearl said. 

"Thought so," Rose said. "Text me later? After surfing?"

"Yeah. I'll do that," Pearl said. 

In the car, Pearl changed in the backseat to a more appropriate outfit; baggy sweatpants and a powder blue T-shit that said, "Beach City Bible Camp 2015" in white, faded font.

"So..." Amethyst said as Pearl accidentally shoved her head through the sleeve instead of the collar of her shirt. 

"So?" Pearl said, finally finding the neck-hole. 

"You kay? That convo was pretty sus," Amethyst said. 

"We're fine," Pearl said. "Her mom just sucks and doesn’t understand her." 

"And how do you feel 'bout the explanation?" Garnet said. 

"I feel great," Pearl said. "I get it." 

"You sure you’re fine?" Garnet said. 

"Completely," Pearl said. 

"All right," Garnet said this like a warning. 

Garnet dropped Pearl and Amethyst off in front of both of their homes. Pearl wanted to take a minute to talk to Amethyst, but her father was already in the driveway, waxing his surfboard. 

"Hey, darlin'!" he waved. A large grin was plastered across his face. Apparently he was excited about going surfing. 

"See yah tonight, P!" Amethyst said, walking backward toward her and Jasper's mobile home. "You want to skate to Fryman's with me?" 

"Of course!" Pearl yelled back before turning back to her father's attention. 

"How was the sleepover? Did they like the tracts?" her father asked. 

"Oh, it went great! I think they responded well." 

"They did?" 

"I think some of them might even come to youth group next week," Pearl said. _Why the hell did she say that?_ No one was coming to youth group, except Pearl, Jacob, the homeschooled kids, and Anne-Marie's squad, like always. 

"That's my girl. You ready to go surfing? It's going to be the last good day of the year." 

Pearl went inside to get ready. Inside, her sisters were playing with dolls on the living room area floor. Her mother emerged from the bedroom, holding a basket of laundry. 

"How was the sleepover?" her mother asked. 

"Oh, it was good. I had a lot fun! Rose is, like, really awesome." 

Pearl must have smiled to herself because then her mother said, "So this Rose, seems to be a new good friend of yours." 

"Oh, I mean, well she's really nice and cool. She loves gardening and the environment and..." _She's the most beautiful person in the entire world. Her hair moves like ocean waves. And her plump lips are shaped like a heart._

"And?" Her mother paused, waiting for an answer. She grinned like she didn't want to reveal a secret. 

"Um, yeah. That. What I just said." _Don't be too obvious, Pearl. Jesus._

"Well, she sounds wonderful. I'd love to meet her." 

"Ye-es. You can meet her. I guess." Pearl's forehead crinkled. What was her mother getting at? 

"Great! Looking forward to it." Her mother sat on the couch and began folding the laundry. 

As Pearl gazed into her shared closet and stared at her cerulean one-piece bathing suit, she wondered if she would be too cold if she forwent a wetsuit. Pearl did get cold easily, and when she decided to also wear her black and electric blue wetsuit, she feared that she had caught a wave beyond her abilities, like the ones that made pros wipe out at Jaws in Maui. 


	9. Doesn't Everyone Else?

Out on the grey-blue ocean water, Pearl sat on her surf board, bobbing up and down as the weak waves puttered to the shore. She shivered. The lack of movement, waiting in the chilly water for something exciting to happen, had made Pearl's finger tips turn blue. The lack of sleep from last night caused her to periodically dose off, only to be woken up by the feeling of her thigh being submerged into the icy water. She wanted to go home and she was starting to get frustrated with her father. 

"Maybe we should go," Pearl said. "There's no wind. I'm cold. It's a total bust."

"But you don't have to work until four," he said. 

"Yeah, but...it's freezing and we haven't seen a decent wave in over an hour." 

"Don't you remember the time, it was November, when we visited your grandma in Panama City? The water was cold then and you were fine. You caught a huge wave and-- 

"But it was Florida, Dad. November there is like June here." 

"Fine." He sighed. "How about we get lunch somewhere?" he said. 

Pearl was grateful her father called off surfing early, especially since she only had four hours of sleep the night before. However, she was not grateful for the lunch excursion that she now had to go on. Mostly because this was weird. Like really freaking weird. Her family never went out to eat. It was too expensive. The handful of times when dining out was just Pearl and her father, it usually meant he had something to discuss with her; the time their family cat, Whiskers, got out and never came home, the time her father told her he was going to pull her out of public school to homeschool her (thank God, her mother intervened that time), and the time he told her they were moving to Delmarva from Florida. 

So, this was not a good thing. At all. They sat in the booth of a chain restaurant; the kind where the décor consisted of old license plates and cheesy black and white photos of Empire City. Pearl's father at a hamburger. Out of the corner of her eye, Pearl examined the tattoos on his arm partly obscured by his T-shirt sleeve. The centerpiece of his sleeve, on his bicep, was a chilling, borderline disturbing tattoo of a wolf eating a flaming skull. He also had an alligator (to symbolize Florida), lyrics from a Nine Inch Nails song, " _She shines in a world full of ugliness"_ with her mother's maiden name initials underneath ( _JP),_ and the gates of heaven with two people standing at the bottom of the steps. Underneath that one was the bible verse, Philippians 4:30, " _I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me._ "

They told a story; one of a man who drastically changed his worldview. 

"How is school going?" he asked. 

Why would he ask her this? On nights before AP Calculus exams or before an AP Chemistry lab report was due, Pearl would be hunched over books and paper laid out on the kitchen table and he would walk by and tell her she was wasting her time. When she had to read _To the Lighthouse_ for AP Language and Composition last month, he told her Virginia Woolf was...well, Pearl wanted to block out anything her father had to say about Virginia Woolf. Now that they were reading _Persepolis_ , she had to stay after school and read it in the library. There was no way he would let her read that book and he would probably burn it if he found it in her possession. 

"Good, I guess. Why?" Pearl sunk into the restaurant booth.

"I saw Mr. Heywood yesterday at the weekly bible study. He mentioned Anne-Marie said you stopped eating lunch with her and the other kids from church." 

_Just wonderful_ , Pearl thought. This was just what she needed to deal with early in the morning while hungover for the second time in her life. They silently stared at the salt and pepper shakers. 

"Anne-Marie said she's worried about you. Said you're sitting with the girl across the street; you know the drug dealer--" he said. 

Pearl let out a scoff. "Amethyst is not a drug dealer." 

"But her sister is?" 

"I don't know," Pearl said. But, of course, she did know that this was true. Pearl paused for a moment, trying to find a way to save this conversation. "I'm trying to save her." 

"And that's a noble endeavor. But you can't only hang out with her. You know that, right?" 

Pearl wanted to leave. She wanted to be alone. Or with Rose. Preferably with Rose. "What do you mean?" Her arms crossed. Would that send a message? 

"Who are you sitting with at lunch everyday?" he asked. 

Pearl squirmed in her seat. The vinyl seat squeaked against her thighs. "Different people. Everyday. Why does that matter?"

"It matters because you're a child of God and you're alienating yourself," he said. "Why are you doing that?"

"I'm not doing that," Pearl said. 

"Anne-Marie doesn't seem to think you're friends anymore. What happened with that friendship?"

"I, uh, I told you, I'm saving people. It takes precedent." 

"And I'm telling you, some people aren't worth being saved." 

There was a silence that followed Pearl's father's statement. 

"Do you understand," he asked. 

Unfortunately, Pearl did understand. He was implying that she would have to sit with the Jesus Freaks at lunch from time to time. This sacrifice would normally be something Pearl would be willing to swing. As in: _fine_. _Okay. I'll sit with them once a week. Okay? Is that good enough for you?_ But now she had Rose. And limited free time. So every single second with Rose was valued more than gold, money, or ballet, or diamonds. Well, maybe not diamonds. Rose was technically a Diamond. 

_I make the dumbest puns_ , Pearl thought. 

"I'm going to save Amethyst Castillo. It's what God is telling me to do. I can tell. I feel strongly about this," Pearl said. Then she dug into her salad as if they were not having this conversation. 

On the way home, Pearl regretfully asked her father if she could stop into the ballet store quickly. While she stood at the counter checking out with three pairs of pointe shoes, her father, hands in his pockets, looked around the store. 

"Five-hundred dollars for something that looks like a burlesque costume?!" he yelled from across the store. "This is why I don't let you do every show your school puts on!" 

Pearl found herself whispering to the sales associate, "Please don't say my transaction total aloud." 

And the woman nodded, fully understanding why Pearl didn't want her father to know she spent $300 on three pairs of pointe shoes that would last less than a month. It was bad enough she had to lie and say she only made $11 an hour instead of $12.95 like she actually did. Otherwise, she would have to pay more for her tithe or the required donation to the church (or to God or the Holy Spirit or whatever, as her mother would say). She was already giving her father thirty percent of her earnings. 

Because, according to her father, what would happen if she didn't pay the tithe? She would be punished by God, of course. And what did the tithe go to? Mostly her father's salary. Yeah, that's right. Pearl was essentially paying her father an allowance for him merely existing. 

In the car, her father listened to a contemporary Christian band, Melody Mountains Church. Everyone loved them, much to Pearl's disgusted they came from a very, very conservative church that enticed new members through their musical bops. In particular, Jacob liked to cover their songs at church services. And since Pearl hated them with the burning passion of a thousand stars, the thought of Jacob and his guitar on stage singing a bad cover of the already cheesy Melody Mountain songs, made Pearl want to vomit and then melt into the car seat. 

Like, have better standards people. _But if people actually cared, we would have a better president_ , Pearl thought. 

Pearl was relieved when she got home. As she rushed into her room to gather work clothes and toiletries to take a shower, Judith followed her into the bedroom. "Can I help you?' 

"What did he say?" Judith asked. 

"About what?" Pearl said. 

"About me and Ruthie going to real school? What did he say?" 

Pearl paused. She had forgotten to ask. Immediately all of the blood left her head and she felt like she was going to pass out. Guilt did that to her. How could she have forgotten to ask her father about letting Judith and Ruth go to school? Probably the Amethyst conversation, Pearl thought. 

"I-uh, it wasn't a good time to ask him," Pearl said. 

"Why?" Judith asked. 

"He's just not in a good mood," Pearl said. 

"He's never in a good mood! Like, get over that," Judith said and left the bedroom. 

There was no way their father was going to let Judith and Ruth go to public school. Pearl had lucked out by being born into the family before the religious conversion. Pearl let Judith sulk and got ready for her shift at Fryman's. Before she took shower, Pearl stood in the bathroom, leaning against the wall and window. Rose had texted Pearl's safe phone. 

**Rose:** Hey <3<3<3<3<3 baby

Pearl's pet named had evolved; from babe to baby. The latter was, in Pearl's opinion, more intimate. 

**Pearl:** Hi beautiful. 

**Rose:** Wish you stayed. 

**Rose:** I'm so lonely. 

**Rose:** Like so very lonely...I want you next to me more than anything. 

**Rose:** Feel the warmth of your body. 

**Rose:** Your smooth, silky skin. 

Pearl never received text messages like this from anyone, and responding to Rose right now was more daunting than an upper level college linear algebra equations class. But then Amethyst texted her. 

**Amethyst:** Yo wat time do u want to meet outside? 

Pearl ignored Amethyst and started typing out a carefully curated response to Rose, but then Amethyst kept spamming her inbox. 

**Amethyst:**? 

**Amethyst:** ?? 

**Amethyst:** ??? 

**Amethyst:** ??????????? I can see you through the window why arent you responding??????

 **Amethyst** : wat ru telling Rose you wanna bang her, but makin it all like shakespeare or shit????/?hahahahhahahahaha Like p stop worrying about every little thing you say to her. 

Pearl sighed and typed back to Amethyst. 

**Pearl:** Let's meet outside at 3. 

The she continued texting her response to Rose. 

**Pearl:** Someday, the only way I want to fall asleep is pressed against your beautiful, cuddly body and feel the warmth of you against me. 

**Rose:** You should call out sick from work and make it happen <3

Call out sick? The state of Delmarva did not require employers to give employees sick time, so if Pearl called out, that would mean sixty-five less dollars next week; that was basically as much as her entire cellphone bill and a burrito at Chipotle. 

**Pearl:** Can't :( My cellphone bill is due next week. 

Pearl found herself dozing off while she hid in the bathroom. So she took a quick powernap, except it did nothing to remedy the lack of sleep she had the night before. She showered and changed into her uniform of a blue t-shirt that said Fryman's across the front, a baseball hat, jeans, and sneakers. Her timer went off. It was three o'clock and she would have to leave now if she was going to get to work five minutes early. She sent Amethyst a text to meet outside and left the mobile home.

When Pearl left her home, she found herself waiting on the gravel road with her skateboard under her arm. As she kicked the rocks back and forth, dust floated up. The world was quiet in this moment. All she could hear was the sound of leaves rustling. But then Amethyst stormed out of her mobile home, slamming the screen door behind her, the screeching clap of the flimsy door snapping against the metal door frame. 

"Yeah and fuck you, too!" Amethyst yelled at the door. Then she hopped off her deck. She was dressed the same as Pearl, although she had drawn slim, but perfect winged eyeliner across her lids and her purple ponytail had been curled on the end. Gold eyeshadow shimmered as she looked down and held in a laugh. The cute smirk wanted to tell Pearl something. And Pearl couldn't help but think, _W_ o _w, Amethyst is gorgeous._

"Are you--" Pearl began to say. 

"I'm fine. Jasper just got mad because I apparently ate the last of the ice cream, but I totally didn't. Stupid shit," Amethyst said. 

"I'm sorry," Pearl said. 

"Let's just go," Amethyst said. 

They walked down the gravel path. 

"You tell Rose you wanted to eat her?" Amethyst asked. 

"Amethyst!" Pearl said. 

"Oh, you did it all romantic?" Amethyst batted her eyelashes facetiously. 

"Must you--" 

"Yes. It so easy. Too easy, in fact. I blame your parents," Amethyst said. 

"I do too," Pearl sighed. 

Amethyst rolled her head back and said, "Can I see?" 

With reluctance, Pearl showed Amethyst her phone screen, displaying the text to Rose. Amethyst glanced at the screen and smirked. "Damn, you're cute." 

"Oh, really?" 

"Uh, ye-ah," Amethyst said as she handed Pearl's phone back. "Why do you think Rose Diamond is interested in you?" 

Pearl could feel her cheeks heating up, blushing. "I-uh, thanks?" 

"So, you want me to tell Fryman you threw up?" 

"What?" 

"To get out of work. If you barf, you can't work in food service. It's supposed to be a thing. Not that a lot of people follow it, but we're in high school and I don't think Fryman wants to get sued or some shit." 

"I need the money. I just bought three pairs of pointe shoes and my phone bill is due next week." 

"Ask Rose for the money." 

"What?" 

"She's fucking rich. You're not. Why don't you just ask her? I bet fifty bucks is like buying a fucking candy bar for her," Amethyst said. 

"No. I'm not doing that. That's weird," Pearl said. 

"It's not weird," Amethyst said. "I bet yah she'd do it. She looks at you like you're a fresh piece of fruit." 

"That's gross, Ame." 

"Is it? Do you not want her to eat you like you're a piece of fruit?" 

"Amethyst! Seriously stop it! It's not funny!" 

"Sorry," Amethyst said. "I'll stop." 

When they made it to the main road, Amethyst set her skateboard on the ground. Pearl followed as they skated toward the boardwalk. 

"Basically, work for an hour, then come out all sick-like. Which wont be hard because you're already looking pretty fucking pale with your hangover!" Amethyst yelled back. 

"I told you, I'm not--" 

Amethyst kicked her skateboard up and stopped dead on the sidewalk. "Yo, remember the conversation we had yesterday about opportunities?" 

"That mine are limited in the romance department?" 

"Bet!" Amethyst said. "So fake sick. Call your girl and do the dirty." 

And that's what Pearl decided to do. 

When they arrived at Fryman's, they spotted Peridot Jennings through the window checking out a customer at the register. Peridot was a girl from their class who always tried to out-do Pearl academically. When Pearl saw her at the library, she would usually turn around and find an empty classroom to work in, otherwise Peridot would grill Pearl about the class rankings and what grade she received on the latest AP Chemistry lab report. 

"Ugh," Amethyst said. "Prepare for a night filled with fun facts about robotics and K-Pop trivia." 

"Amethyst, you also like K-Pop.” Pearl rolled her eyes. 

"Yeah, but I don't want to hear all of the trivia while I'm trying to makes sandwiches for people.” Amethyst leaned against the window, back facing the store. "Okay, I take it back about ditching to see Rose. Don't leave me alone with the nerd!!!" She made an overexaggerated wince and pulled Pearl's t-shirt as if she was begging for her life. "Oh, wait...you're a nerd too! Someone save me! Please! Where's Garnet? Garnet! Get a job here with me and stop doing competitive jujitsu on Saturday nights!" 

"Sometimes, you're really immature. You know that?" Pearl said before walking into Fryman's. Harsh fluorescent light greeted them as they walked into the small, yet clean and stylish café. When Pearl entered into the café, Amethyst followed and Peridot's face lit up when she saw the two girls. 

"But I am hilarious though, right?" Amethyst asked.

Pearl ignored Amethyst and walked toward the counter. 

"Hey!" Peridot said. "Guys, it's been so dead! I hate it when the tourists go home. I've been working on my AP Calc homework." 

"How's that going?" Pearl asked as she punched in on the other register's computer. 

"Fine," Peridot said. "I mean, I know it's only AB...so not nearly as much work as what you're doing in BC, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was kind of kicking my ass. I mean I have an A, of course, but It's a lot." 

"The courses are of similar difficulty," Pearl said. "We just cover more. Let me know if you need help though." 

"Hah, I don't need help. What didn't you hear about me having an A?" Peridot crossed her arms. "Did you hear the news?" 

"You're quitting?" Amethyst said. 

"No, you clod!" Peridot brushed off Amethyst's response and looked up at Pearl as she rested her elbow on the counter. "Connor Symanzki is moving. His dad got stationed in San Diego!" 

"Oh, that's too bad," Pearl said. "I'll really miss his contributions to our English Language and Composition class." 

"Do you know what that means?!" Peridot gripped the edge of the register counter. "He's first in the class!" 

"So...?" Pearl asked as she grabbed an apron from under the counter. 

"She means one of you nerds is going to take his place," Amethyst said. "I even knew what she was getting at and I'm not even in the top one hundred, which only goes to show yah that it doesn't--" 

"Exactly!" Peridot said. "What's your rank right now?" 

Last year, when Pearl last went to the guidance counselor, she was fourth. "I'm like fourth or fifth," Pearl said, shrugging. 

"That was last year," Peridot said. "You're taking the most AP classes besides Connor, and Alyssa Montgomery. But Alyssa is like bombing them all because her parents are getting divorced!" 

"Her parents are getting divorced?" Pearl said. "That must be terrible for her and I...I think I should be nicer to her. Maybe make her some cookies?" 

"Not my point!" Peridot said. "It's probably you, Pearl. You're first. Do you even know what that means?" Peridot waved her arms in the air. Her blonde hair fell across her spectacled eyes. "Huh?!" 

"I might get to make a speech at graduation?" Pearl asked, even though she knew exactly what Peridot was implying; Pearl could get into an Ivy. Although Pearl's home situation didn't make that a simple reality like Peridot made it out to be. 

"No, you clod! You're like a shoe-in for at least one of the Ivys," Peridot said. 

Pearl gave Peridot a blank look. For most people this moment would be exciting and anxiety inducing all at once, but Pearl knew it wouldn't really matter for her. She would never be able to afford an Ivy since her father would likely refuse to fill out the financial aid forms. Once, Pearl looked up the median income for each Ivy League school and 60% of the students were in the top 20% income bracket. 

"Oh, I'm not going to an Ivy," Pearl said. 

"What?" Peridot looked as if she might faint. 

"Yeah, my plan is to get a full scholarship to the University of Delmarva Smyrna Beach," Pearl said. 

"Why?!" Peridot asked. 

"It makes the most financial sense," Pearl said. 

"Pearl, when you get into a place like Harvard, you take out the loans. You just do," Peridot said. "If you're first in the class, guess where you could go?" 

Pearl exchanged a look with Amethyst, who proceeded to turn the music up on the iHome her phone was connected to. _Thank God_ , Pearl thought. At times, Amethyst could be annoying, but she always knew when to save Pearl. Always. And she always knew how to do it. And that was just one reason why Pearl loved her. 

Hours later, Amethyst had put on her favorite band on the iHome speakers. The male singer's voice crooned in the background as Pearl stared at the fruit selection in the refrigerated glass case next to the register counter. Strawberries. Apples. Peaches. Oranges. Mangos cut up and mixed with watermelons. If Rose were a fruit, which fruit would she be?

Should she ditch work to see Rose? Probably. When could she be alone with Rose again? After dance Monday night. She wanted to be alone with Rose more than anything in the world. She found herself yearning like it was an addiction, like she wanted to jump out of her skin if she did not get her fix. 

"No. It's good! It's K-Stew's favorite band," Amethyst said. "She has a tattoo of their album cover!" 

"The singer is whiny!" Peridot said. "And it makes me depressed!" 

"You don't have taste!" Amethyst said. 

"Oh and you and Kristen Stewart do?" Peridot said. 

"Um, yeah! We do in fact--"

Although Amethyst continued to speak, Pearl had tuned them out. Their argument was just background noise. Like when her father put on the 700 Club and Pearl practiced the art of selective hearing and she would, instead, listen to Ruthie and Judy play with dolls. They had built quite the world. 

And why was Pearl tuning Peri and Amethyst out? The computer screen on the register said it was 6:55PM and, as Peri and Amethyst argued in the back near the kitchen equipment, Rose walked through the glass doors and into Fryman's. 

Rose wore jeans and a sleek, navy fall coat; the kind Pearl never saw as practical to buy since it was useful only three to six weeks out of the year. When she made it to the counter, she leaned her hip against the wooded side and rested her elbow on the white quartz countertops. "Hey," she said, biting her lip and revealing her two front teeth for a fleeting moment. "Slow night?" 

"Slower than you could imagine," Pearl said, mirroring Rose's body and resting her elbow on the counter so they faced one another. 

"Oh, so I suppose it's pretty exciting then; me coming in and shaking things up?" Rose said. She allowed a half-smile to break through her cool demeaner. 

"So exciting," Pearl said, as if she were in a dream-like trance. 

"Can I have a strawberry smoothie?" Rose said. 

Was she really ordering? Pearl was taken back since she thought they were supposed to be flirting. "Um, sure," Pearl said before typing the order onto the computer touch screen. 

After Pearl completed the transaction and sent the order to Amethyst and Peridot in the back, Rose's hand slid across the counter until her pointer finger touched Pearl's pinky finger. Pearl's skin felt like it was on fire, or vibrating, or bubbling with tickling acid. Rose's big brown eyes stared at Pearl, like they were peering into her soul and possessing it. Then, almost out of Pearl's eyeline, Rose dropped cash into the tip jar. When Pearl looked down, she saw three twenties. 

"Rose, that's--" 

"Too much?" 

"Yeah," Pearl said. 

"I don't think so. I had exemplary service from the cute cashier with the strawberry blonde hair," Rose said. Her cascading brown hair poured over her shoulder. 

"I'm serious," Pearl said. She stuffed her hand into the tip jar and took out Rose's bills. 

As she handed the bills back to Rose, Rose held her hands up in the air as if she was surrendering in an old western duel. "I'm not taking tips away from hardworking employees." 

Pearl bit her tongue and contemplated what to say. "Okay, just don't...Don't do it again. Please." 

"Does it make you uncomfortable?" Rose asked. 

"Kind of." 

"What if I told you I do this all the time," Rose said. 

"Do you do this all the time?" Pearl asked. 

"Yeah. All the time. Ask Amethyst. She's usually here on Tuesdays when I come in to get a smoothie after school," Rose said. "I just don't come in on Saturdays much, you know, when you're working." 

"Why do you do it?" Pearl asked. 

"Because I don't need it." 

"And I do?" Pearl was beginning to be slightly insulted. 

"Doesn't everyone else need it?" 

Else? As in: everyone else, except Rose and the rest of the people in the world as generationally rich as the Diamonds? 

Pearl decided not to answer that question. Because it was clear. They both knew that Pear did need it. Pearl knew what Rose was trying to say; that she did this all the time and Pearl just happened to be here this time. Even with this explanation, Pearl felt strange...like her stomach was being squeezed and torn apart by two bare hands. 

Moments later, Amethyst brought the smoothie up to the counter, and set the drink and a biodegradable straw down in front of Rose. Last month Pearl had somehow convinced Fryman to switch over from plastic straws to carboard ones. 

"Oh, hey Rose. Nice party last night. Thanks for letting Pearl invite me and Garnet," Amethyst said. 

"Of course. You're so funny!" Rose said with a genuine smile. "Everyone loved having you there." 

"Really?" 

"You crack, like, all of us up!" Rose said. 

"Thank you!" Amethyst said, basking in the compliment, before walking away and back to the kitchen area with Peridot. 

"She's going to use that as a justification for, like, a while," Pearl said. 

"Justification for what?" Rose asked. 

"Oh, nothing," Pearl said, not wanting to explain how Amethyst liked to taunt her once in a while. 

"It's almost seven," Rose said. "Do you want to meet me in my car?" 

"Yes! Yes, I do!" Pearl said, spazzing out. 

"All right. See you in a few." Rose winked as she bit on the biodegradable straw and then she left the cafe. 

After Rose left, Pearl, once again, stared at the fruit in the clear, refrigerated case in front of her. The strawberries looked red and sweet, and the image of Rose biting on the cardboard straw, tongue slightly curling around it, made Pearl's entire body pound. Right now, Rose's mouth tasted like strawberries and Pearl wanted to indulge in the sweetness of the red fruit. 

Pearl turned around and Amethyst was laughing at something Peridot said. Now they were getting along? Fryman, a burly man with a red beard and a red T-shirt and jeans, appeared out from the back office. "Can anyone work next Saturday morning? Ronaldo is taking the SATs and--" 

"I threw-up!" Pearl blurted out.

"You got sick, Pearl?" Fryman asked. 

"Yup!" Pearl said. 

"You do look pale," he said. 

Across the room, in the kitchen area of the cafe, Amethyst had a stupid grin from ear-to-ear like she had just won the lottery. "Yeah, I was there when she barfed. Gross, dude. Go home. I don't want to get sick too. I got shit to do." 

"Okay, Pearl, go home," Fryman said. 

"When did you get sick? You were he--" Peridot began to say. 

"When you were doing prep work, Peri," Amethyst said. "Pearl thought she was going to be okay, but I told her she could spread whatever she has to guests." 

Pearl was given the OK to leave by Fryman and as she left the cafe, she turned back and saw Amethyst subtly giving the thumbs-up to Pearl with her tongue out as Pearl left through the glass door. 

When Pearl opened the door to Rose's car, the scent of flowers and leather solidified her decision to ditch work. Inside the car, Pearl took her hat off. Rose grinned, took her hand, and said, "We only have fifteen minutes. What do you want to do?" 

"Actually, I got the OK to leave early," Pearl said. 

"Seriously?!" Rose took Pearl by the shoulders. 

"Yeah," Pearl said, restraining her giggles. 

Rose took a moment to kiss Pearl, gently taking her lips. "What time do you need to be home?" Rose asked when she pulled away. 

"10:15," Pearl said and recalled how she needed to text her mother that she got a ride home. Maybe she could take an Uber from Rose's house. Later, Pearl told herself. She would figure that out later. 

"Endless possibilities! Oh, my God, I don't think I've been this excited in, like, a while!" Rose said. "Do you want to show me that documentary? The one you were talking about last week?" 

"Yes! I would love to show you the doc," Pearl said. 

"Cool. We can watch it at my house." 

"At your house?" Pearl asked. 

"Have you eaten dinner yet?" Rose asked. 

"Um, not really," Pearl said. 

"Cool, I'll pick up some food," Rose began typing on her phone. The blue light illuminated the faded freckles on her face. "Do you like Thai food?" 

"I do," Pearl said. 

"Sweet," Rose said. She handed Pearl her phone. "Order whatever you want." 

As Pearl scrolled through the menu, Rose hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. "Oh my God, I love you." 

"I love you, too" Pearl said. 

Was she really about to be truly alone with Rose? Yes. Pearl had been waiting for this since she had first seen the sun's rays shine onto Rose through the blinds of the windows in their AP Calculus classroom. Rose was the "one." Rose was her destiny. Rose was who God wanted her to be with. 


	10. Two Worlds Collide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big theme of this fic is going to be Pearl realizing that she needs to be more confident and love herself. That being said, some stuff needs to happen before she can get there, so...yeah. 
> 
> I'm still planning on this being 20-22 chapters, and it will probably be around 100K words. Let's hope it doesn't take me three years to finish this one. And, yes, this fic is still about banning single-use plastics...
> 
> Also I barely passed pre-calculus...both times I took it (I took it twice; once in high school and once in college), so please be forgiving with the math references. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and for the comments/kudos!

Without the bustling voices and laughter of people at the party, Rose's great room echoed when Pearl and Rose spoke and it made Pearl feel as if privacy didn't exist even though they were alone this time. They sat at the kitchen island and ate their Thai food; Pearl nibbled at some pad phak and Rose ate red chicken curry.

Rose scrolled down on her phone. "What streaming service is that documentary on?" Rose asked. 

"Kanopy," Pearl said. 

"What?" Rose asked. She rose an eyebrow. The dim light from the kitchen highlighted bags under Rose's eyes, which Pearl assumed was from her and Rose's lack of sleep the night before. 

"Kanopy," Pearl repeated. 

"I've never heard of that before," Rose said. 

"It's, uh, you need a library card," Pearl said. 

"So, it's run by a library?" Rose asked. 

"Kind of," Pearl said. "Libraries rent the licenses of certain films and allow their patrons to access said licenses for educational reasons." 

"Okay, I found it." Rose crinkled her forehead as she glanced at her phone. "Can I use your library card? I don't have one." 

"Sure," Pearl said. She took out her wallet and began looking through it. When she fished out the library card, she handed it over to Rose, who smiled. 

"You have really neat handwriting," Rose said as she typed the information into her phone. 

"Oh, thanks," Pearl said. 

Moments later, Pearl found herself on the same couch her and Rose had smoked a joint on the night before; a soft Italian leather sectional. Rose grabbed a white cashmere throw blanket, and then plopped herself on the couch next to Pearl. She lifted the blanket and said, "Do you, uh, want to cuddle while we watch?" 

"I'd like that," Pearl said, shifting so she was closer to Rose and under the blanket. Rose's arm wrapped around Pearl, grasping her hip, which led Pearl to lean into the warmth of Rose's body. Her head rested on Rose's shoulder.

As Pearl tried to position her free arm, Rose said, "You can put your hand wherever you want." 

For a brief moment, Pearl did not know what Rose meant, but then she realized what Rose was implying. "Okay." Although Pearl didn't find this movie to be the most romantic or appropriate for a date in any shape or form. As Rose projected the documentary from iPhone onto the large seventy-inch television, Pearl regretted her decision. They had less then two hours left together and picking something that involved disturbing content of animals being abused was probably not the best idea if Pearl wanted to let her hand wander wherever she wanted. 

If Amethyst was here, she would say something like, "Way to kill the mood. What a nerd movie. Couldn't you have picked a shitty Will Ferrell movie Rose has already seen a ton of times? That way there'd be no pressure to watch the movie."

Even though Rose told Pearl she could put her hand anywhere, Pearl had trouble finding an appropriate moment to allow her hand to wander up Rose's shirt. When the documentary ended, Pearl had never felt more relieved her in entire life. 

"That's why you're a vegetarian?" Rose asked. 

"Partly," Pearl said. "It’s also bad for the environment.” 

“I love how much you care about the environment,” Rose said. “It’s so sweet.” 

There was a brief pause. Although it likely lasted seconds, to Pearl it felt like several, long minutes had passed. Rose took out her phone with her free hand; the other stayed secured around Pearl. Rose scrolled on her phone with a half-amused, closed-lipped smile. When she glanced up from her phone, her dark, silky curly hair framed her face, and her brown eyes locked with Pearl's blue ones. More than anything, Pearl wanted to please Rose, and Pearl could not explain to herself why. There was something inside Pearl that was driving her to follow Rose anywhere. Pearl had had crushes before, but nothing felt like this. Nothing was like being with Rose, and when Pearl nestled herself into Rose's neck, she she could smell Rose's skin. Rose smelled like flowers. 

"We still have an hour. What do you want to do?" Rose whispered in Pearl's ear. 

Pearl glanced up at Rose and played with the hem of Rose's shirt. 

"Go ahead," Rose said. 

After Pearl allowed her hand to go up Rose's shirt, she knelt, facing Rose, and she played with the ends of Rose's hair as they kissed. When Pearl pulled away, she wanted to say something smooth; impress Rose and make her want Pearl even more.

But Pearl became too focused on what she should say. _Your eyes make me feel like I’m floating...Sometimes I lay awake and think about how soft your skin is, and how I wish I could press my entire body against yours...._ or maybe she could say _I know we've been together for less than a week, but I love you and I can't imagine my life without you._

Maybe that was a little intense? 

When Rose ended up lying on top of Pearl, she asked, "This okay?" 

"It's good." Pearl shifted into a more comfortable position, so Rose's elbow was not digging into her hip bone. With the documentary over, the room was quiet, and Pearl found the stillness unnerving. 

"Is anyone going to come in here?" Pearl asked. 

"We're the only ones home," Rose said. "My mom went to the city to see my dad." 

"Oh, okay," Pearl said. Then she went in for the kiss again. Perhaps a little too aggressively? 

"You get so enthusiastic. It's so cute." Rose pecked Pearl on the nose, which Pearl secretly hated as it was the part of her body she was the most self-conscious about. Sometimes she thought the tip of her nose jetted out too far. "It's one reason I love going to calc everyday; to see you eagerly answer questions." Then, Rose glanced down and shyly asked, "Do you, uh, do want to do it?”

Pearl nodded and told Rose she wanted to, and after it was over, Pearl contemplated if she felt differently or if she had changed from this supposedly monumental event. When she stared up at the tall cathedral ceiling, the gleam from the moon poured through the skylight and into the now-dark room. Pearl had not noticed that before. She had also failed to notice how dark it had gotten outside, and now she could see all of the stars. Rose's eyes gazed up at her, which made Pearl's heart beat fast. Like a bell was ringing in her chest. 

"I love you, Pearl." 

"I love you too." 

Before this, Pearl had assumed she was in love. But now? Now she had experienced something so intense that she knew she had been kidding herself before. Now that she knew Rose could make her feel like she was everything, Pearl did not think she could feel this way about anyone else. It simply would not be the same, and now she could surely and confidently think, _I can't imagine my life without you._

"I don't want you to leave," Rose said. 

"I don't want to leave either," Pearl said. 

At 10:00PM, Pearl knew she had to go home, even though she would rather stay. Later, in the kitchen area, Pearl typed on her cellphone to order an Uber, but Rose intervened. 

"Are you sure you can't stay?" Rose asked. Her arms draped across Pearl's shoulders, taking her into an embrace from behind. Rose's plushy cheek pressed against Pearl's, and Rose's warm breath prickled Pearl's skin. In her ear, Rose said, her voice soft and caring, "Please?" 

The odds of Pearl's parents allowing her to have two sleepovers in one weekend after a lifetime of said sleepovers being banned, was slim to none. Pearl would have better odds of winning the lottery, or being admitted to and allowed to attend the Empire City Ballet School.

"I have to go to church tomorrow," Pearl said. 

"Your parents do know that you can stay somewhere else and still go to church the next morning, right?" 

"No, actually they don't," Pearl said. The ridiculousness of this logic made Pearl scoff. 

"All right. I'll just drive you home then," Rose said with irritation. The response reminded Pearl of how Rose behaved when they skipped part of AP Calculus to make out in the backseat of Rose's car, and Pearl told Rose she didn't want to skip the entire period. 

"I don't want to make you leave and go back home," Pearl said. 

"Pearl, I'm not going to make you take an Uber home. That would be, like, such an asshole move," Rose said, pulling Pearl closer by her hips. "I want to make the most of the extra fifteen minutes we can be together if I drive you." 

"I just..." Pearl struggled to find an excuse. 

"I don't care where you live, Pearl." Then she kissed Pearl on the cheek. "If that's what you're worried about." 

"But I do care. That's why I'm worried," Pearl said. The more Pearl thought about it, the more she realized that Rose probably already knew where she lived. Even then, Pearl was embarrassed. It didn’t matter that she had been telling herself for years she was not ashamed of where she lived. And she was not ashamed. If this was anyone else, Pearl knew she would be okay with it, but this was Rose Diamond. 

Pearl gave Rose the address, and as they walked through the garage, Rose turned around, walking backwards as they passed the Bugatti. Her hand moved over the slick, black paint on the hood of the car. "Maybe sometime I'll take you for a ride?" 

"I thought your mom banned you from driving that car," Pearl said. 

"She's going to Italy in a few weeks. How is she supposed to ban something if she's not actually there to enforce it? I mean, do you even see her around now? It hasn't even been a day." 

"Maybe next time," Pearl said. 

"Next time it is..." Rose said, leading Pearl to the Mercedes. 

Although Pearl's home was perfectly fine inside and outside, she still worried what Rose would think. It was a trailer park, after all and the stereotypes perpetuated by pop culture did not play in Pearl's favor. Rose had a poker face on as she pulled into the park entrance. Pearl slumped down into her seat as they drove through. Residents in their yards stared at the Mercedes that was probably worth more than some of their homes. The spectacle of Rose's car was another reason Pearl didn't want people to see her. 

Pearl wanted to remain obfuscated until she went to college. 

"Let me know when we get there," Rose said. 

"Almost there," Pearl whispered. A blue and white home with surfboards organized in a neat pile against the structure appeared in the distance. Pearl sat up and said, "That one." 

They pulled into the driveway behind an older model Volkswagen. "Baby, can I see you tomorrow?" Rose asked with a smile.

"I really would like to see you, but I don't know if I can," Pearl said. "I have church, church volunteer stuff, this dinner thing for church, and then I have an AP Chemistry lab I have to finish before Monday." 

"Can you skip something?" Rose asked. 

"I can't really skip these things," Pearl said. 

"Why?"

"Well, I have to go to Church or my dad will freak, and I need to get a good grade in Chemistry so I can get a full scholarship to college, so I don't get stuck in the perpetual cycle of having to go to church every Sunday so my dad wont freak." 

"All right," Rose said with a sigh. "I just hope you know that you can stay with me if anything happens."

"It doesn't work that way, Rose. If it did, I'd be living with my grandmother in Panama City right now." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I am sixteen. I cannot live with someone else unless my parents permit it or if I am emancipated. I can only live with whoever my legal guardian is or with who they permit.” Pearl said this with the cadence like she was talking to a child. 

"So, get emancipated," Rose said. 

"Okay, I'll just go to law school right now and I'll just figure out how to do that," Pearl said with sarcasm. 

"I'll get you a lawyer," Rose said. "I'm sure my dad would write me a check for you." 

"You're not getting me a lawyer," Pearl said. 

"But I want to help you," Rose said. 

Pearl sighed. "It's not that simple, Rose. I have little sisters. They need me. I need to be here for, like, a thousand reasons." 

Also, Pearl did not want Rose's dad's money. Just imagining the implications of doing something like that sent Pearl into a full flung panic. What would happen to her sisters? Would she have to pay Mr. Diamond back? What would living with Rose be like? What would people at school stay? She pinched the bridge of her nose and started doing a breathing exercise she found on Youtube. 

Why did wealthy people always have the idea that they could solve any problem with money? 

"Okay," Rose said, defeated. 

Before Pearl could say a proper goodbye to Rose, she spotted her mother leaving the mobile home out the front door. Mrs. Gill waved happily as she jogged toward the car. To Pearl's embarrassment, she was dressed in her pajamas, a robe, and slippers. 

"Oh my God, is that your mom?" Rose asked with a wide smile. 

"Yeah," Pearl said, wishing she could disappear into the leather seats. 

"She's adorable!" Rose said. "You have the same color hair! And she looks great for her age!” 

“For thirty-three?” Pearl asked with confusion because, to her, her mother just looked tired. 

“Wait, your mom is thirty-three?” 

“Yeah, why?” Pearl asked. 

“No reason,” Rose said, pursing her lips. 

It took Pearl a few seconds to realize that Rose's oldest sister was not that much younger than Pearl's mother. Before Pearl could figure our what to say, her mother motioned for Rose to roll down the windows. 

"Don't do it," Pearl said. 

"Why not?" Rose now had a grin plastered on her face like this whole interaction was a game or a play; something for her amusement. 

"Because she's going to ask you questions," Pearl said. 

"So you don't want me to tell her we just had sex and now you're 'corrupted'?" Rose whispered and used facetious air quotes when she said 'corrupted.' "Because that was _totally_ the first thing I was going to tell her. You know just like all girlfriends do when they meet their partner's super religious parents." 

_Seriously? Jesus, she was almost as bad as Amethyst._ "Oh, I'm sure she'll love to hear that," Pearl said sarcastically. But then Pearl smiled at the joke. "I'll introduce you, but let me do the talking." 

"Don't worry. Parents love me. Well, parents that aren't my own parents," Rose said, before looking out the window again.

The window lowered and Mrs. Gill said, "Hi! Are you Rose?!" The last time Pearl had seen a smirk this wide and out-of-control on her mother’s face had to have been years ago. 

"Yes, Mom, this is Rose," Pearl said. 

"I have heard so much about you!" Mrs. Gill said.

Pearl paused to think: did she really talk about Rose _that_ much? 

"I'm so glad Pearl has made a new friend who's becoming very close to her,” Mrs. Gill said. 

"What about Amethyst? I'm close to her," Pearl said. This was a kneejerk reaction. 

"Honey, you've been friends with Amethyst for years," Mrs. Gill said waving her hand. "New friends are great too! Especially close new friends who care about you like Rose does! I think it's great!" 

"Oh, well Pearl is an awesome friend and I think we're going to become even closer," Rose said. "She's even volunteered to tutor me in Calculus on Monday nights out of the goodness of her heart." 

"Is that why you drove her home from work? To say thank you?" Mrs. Gill asked. 

Pearl paused. She was not expecting this obvious flaw in her plan. Luckily Rose knew what to say.

"I'm a new hire and I trained tonight. I think having a job will look good on my application to Princeton. So, yeah. I'll probably be driving Pearl home a lot now,” Rose said. 

"Wow, Princeton. That's a really good school," Mrs. Gill said. 

"It's where my dad went," Rose said. 

"You didn't drive Amethyst home too?" Mrs. Gill asked. 

"Amethyst had things to do," Pearl said, praying that Amethyst did not come home from her shift at this very moment. Pearl's mother could easily see across the street, and then the lies would build on top of one another. 

"Okay," Mrs. Gill said, seemingly satisfied with that answer. "Rose, would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow?" 

"What!?" Pearl nearly jumped out of her seat in a panic. Where did this come from? 

"Come over for dinner?" Rose said. "I would love to!" She glanced over at Pearl and it was as if her eyes were saying: _this is better than I imagined and I can't wait to invade this part of your life._ Rose was enjoying this whole interaction a little too much. 

"Great! We will see you tomorrow at 5:30?" Mrs. Gill asked. 

"Oh, I will be fifteen minutes early," Rose said. 

Pearl rushed out of the car and met her mother at the driver's side window. "Mom, don't we have that thing tomorrow?" 

"You mean having Jacob over?" Mrs. Gill asked. Her voice was deadpan, as if having Jacob over was not that big of a deal. 

"Yeah, that thing," Pearl said. 

"Who's Jacob?" Rose asked. Her forehead crinkled. 

"My dad is mentoring him. To be a pastor," Pearl said, hoping to dear God she saved this interaction. 

"Yeah, but it's just Jacob," Mrs. Gill said. "Plus, I think having Rose there would liven up the whole thing. Don't you think, Pearl?" 

"Sure," Pearl said. 

"Well, now I have something to look forward to tomorrow," Rose said, smiling as if she was about to burst into a fit of giggles. 

"Great! Looking forward to it," Mrs. Gill said. "Nice to meet you, Rose." 

"You too, Mrs. Gill," Rose said. 

"Well, I'll go inside. Let you two have a moment _alone_ ," Mrs. Gill said, then disappeared back into the mobile home. 

"What the fuck?" Pearl said with a harsh whisper as she gripped the open window frame of Rose's car. "You're not seriously coming tomorrow, are you?" 

"Is that Jacob guy going to steal you away from me?" Rose asked mockingly. "Is that why you don't want me to come?" 

Partly, yes, but Pearl did not want to admit that to Rose. He wasn't going to "steal" Pearl away, and Pearl actually found the idea of stealing another person misogynistic, but Rose had obviously been joking; poking holes at the idea of arranged couples. Besides, the situation with Jacob was far too complicated and Pearl was not sure Rose would understand. The culture of Pearl's religion did not make sense unless someone "believed" or grew up being forced to "believe." People, in her religion, got married as soon as possible to avoid living in sin. Pearl just never expected her father to push it on her like this. 

"Jacob? What? I'm not interested in him or, well.." Pearl lowered her voice. "Any guys. And Jacob is...one of those cliché Christian guys who wears gaudy cross jewelry and V-neck T-shirts that are too deep, and he plays the guitar, badly. I-I am disgusted by him."

"Cool. Then I'll see you and your entire family, and this Jacob guy tomorrow at dinner?" Rose asked. 

"Rose--" Pearl said. 

"I want to know more about you," Rose said. 

"You can do that without getting involved with...this stuff." 

Pearl stared at the ground, her mind racing through the possible outcomes resulting in Pearl allowing this to occur. In calculus, Pearl studied the way things changed and then she would predict how to model those changes; she would predict the consequences. Much like a constant derivative, there was no stopping Rose from interjecting herself into Pearl's life like this. Although Pearl could use logic to guess what would happen, Rose would always take an action like this, unless Pearl stopped solving the "equation." But Pearl would keep going; keep solving. 

"I won't come if you really don't want me to," Rose said. 

"You can come," Pearl said. 

"But you don't want me to?" 

"No, I want you to, it's just...it's hard to explain," Pearl said. 

"So, you want me to come?" 

"Yeah. I want you to come," Pearl said. Why did she agree to this? This was going to be a disaster. 

"All right then. See you tomorrow. I'll text you when I get home and let it be known, if I could, I would kiss you now," Rose said. 

"Same," Pearl said. 

When Pearl opened the door, her mother, who was obviously looking out the kitchen window and watching Pearl talk to Rose, pretended to wash the dishes. Mrs. Gill stood in front of the sink, gripping and twisting a dishtowel like it was a stress ball. A large smile lit up her face, and Pearl reassured herself that her mother probably wanted Pearl to save Rose, so increase the church donations and therefore, Pearl's father's salary. That had to be it. 

"She is wonderful!" Mrs. Gill said, pouring way too much Ajax dish soap onto a casserole dish. 

"Who's wonderful?" her father said. He sat in the living room area and was reading a religious self-help book, _Pray Your Way to the Ultimate Payday_ , and he didn’t glance up from the pages. 

"Pearl's new friend. The Diamond girl!" Mrs. Gill said. She then smiled at Pearl and added, "She is so beautiful. Don't you think? Just gorgeous." 

"Yeah, she's--her mom used to be a model so, yeah. Good genes and stuff. Anyway!" Pearl shuffled past her mother, sideways, awkward like a crab at the beach avoiding a child trying to pour sand on it. "I am so tired from working and it was, like, busy and I have a chem lab to do tomorrow night and there's the dinner and church and soup kitchen, so yeah. Goodnight!" 

That was when her father's gaze left the book. "The Diamond girl, you say? Did you invite her church? 

"She's coming to dinner tomorrow!" Pearl heard her mother say as she made her way down the slim hallway and into her room.

When Pearl was in her room, it was dark and her sisters were sleeping. She collapsed on her bed, face into her pillow, and sighed with relief. Although the idea of what would happen tomorrow made her want to puke. 


	11. Your Soulmate or Some Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter here. I was going to try and include dinner, but it got wayyy too long. However, I will probably update sooner than I usually do (which is like once a month because I've been trying really hard to put original work first) since I have like 75% of that chapter written. 
> 
> Soooooooo there's some slight Pearlmethyst in here. It's light and relevant to the plot (I'm setting something up). I would categorize their relationship as a friendly flirtation. The core pairing is still Pearl/Rose, and that's the major romantic pairing in this fic. There's so little Pearlmethyst in this fic that I'm not even tagging it as a romantic pairing because it would not be fair to those shippers. It's the same reason I didn't tag Jasper/Lapis.
> 
> Thanks for reading! And for comments and kudos!

Under the covers that night, Pearl texted Amethyst. The blue glow of her phone illuminated the pitch darkness of the blanket cocoon, which Pearl liked because it gave her the guise of privacy. 

**Amethyst:** Share the deets. spill the t. tell me EVERYTHING

 **Pearl:** So _it_ happened. 

**Amethyst:** V-card's been swiped?!

 **Pearl:** yes

 **Amethyst:** nioyce! sooooo proud of you, girl. how was it

 **Pearl:** Life changing. I think she's my soulmate. 

**Amethyst:** wat ? lol wat? X'D hahahahaha omg p 

**Pearl:** It's not funny. I'm serious. 

**Amethyst:** shes not your soul mate. 

**Pearl:** How would you know?!?! Why are you being mean about this? 

**Amethyst:** im not bein mean im bein practical and shit uve been with her for like a week. 

**Pearl:** It sounds like you're jealous. 

**Amethyst:** wat?! No. dude. once that post O glow fades ull see it too

 **Pearl:** It's not "post-O glow." 

**Amethyst:** no cap p. u have to think about what your sayin here. take it slow. dont bask in the post o glow. 

**Amethyst:** I think I wrote a poem tehre lol

 **Pearl:** Well, I'm glad you're finding amusement in my feelings. You're so immature. Hours ago, you were proud of me. 

Pearl readjusted the covers over her head. For some reason she felt like crying. She thought Amethyst would be more supportive. Rose was her soulmate and Amethyst was too immature to understand that. Instead, she watched _Lady Assassin_ until Rose texted her. Yes, Pearl was mad at Amethyst, but Amethyst's Hulu account was one of the few lifelines Pearl had to the secular world. 

**Rose:** Hey<3<3<3<3<3 I had so much fun with you tonight, baby. 

**Pearl:** I did too <3\. I love you so much. 

**Rose:** Love you too <3

 **Rose:** I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I've been thinking about earlier today non-stop and I can't get you out of my head. 

As Pearl typed her response, she received a text from Amethyst. 

**Amethyst:** I am proud of you. I'm sorry. Like really sorry. BUT its a lot p to call Rose ure soulmate

Pearl ignored Amethyst and continued curating her response to Rose. 

**Pearl:** I've never felt this way about anyone before. I would die for you. 

But, of course, Amethyst kept texting. 

**Amethyst:** P, I'm sorry. Like, really sorry. I'm happy you have a girlfriend and i def thought hooking up wit someone wud loosen u up but the whole soulmate thing is just a little intense. Please respond. 

**Rose:** I would die for you too <3 

**Pearl:** I feel like you're a puzzle and I'm the missing piece that's been lost under the couch, but you finally found me. 

**Rose:** I'll always find you. You belong to me. 

**Rose:** And I belong to you. My Pearl <3 

**Pearl:** My Rose <3

Pearl smiled to herself when she read this text exchange; she so badly wanted to be loved by someone who knew her true self. Everyday she had to pretend she was someone else. But now? With Rose everything came naturally; as it should feel. 

But, of course, Amethyst had to spam her inbox. 

**Amethyst:** fine p. u know i think this isn't healthy and shit. u need to dial it back. im serious. u don't know like anything about her...how can she be ure soulmate if you dont knw everything about her. 

**Pearl:** I know a lot about her. And it's not like you're a relationship expert. For example: Derrick Gilbert. 

**Amethyst:** facts. Derrick may be a dumbass but i never said he was my soulmate 

**Amethyst:** Like tell g wat u told me i bet she'll have the same reaction. 

**Pearl:** Do you turn auto correct off on purpose as a stylistic choice? Or do you do it to just be annoying? 

**Amethyst:** Okay, Pearl. I can tell this aspersion is directed at me to hurt my feelings. How's this? Is this grammatically correct enough for you? What if I told you that you're making impetuous statements, and it's because you know I'm right. How's that candor for you? That's right, I'm studying for the SATs and you can talk to me again when you realize that I'm right. 

Pearl emerged from her blanket cocoon, throwing the blanket off her face and stared up the ceiling. For a moment, she imagined what she would do without Amethyst. Who would she walk to the bus with? Who would she go to the skatepark with when Garnet was at jujitsu practice? Who would she text late at night when she wanted to talk to someone? Pearl supposed she could do that with Rose now, but Amethyst had been a constant in her life for years. Who would text Pearl to see if she's okay after she has a fight on the front lawn with her father? Who would tell her she's being ridiculous when she was being ridiculous? 

Was Pearl being ridiculous? 

Then Pearl got out of bed and did something she had only done once before in her whole life; she slipped on her sneakers, opened her bedroom window, stepped up on her sisters' toybox, and sneaked out, shutting the window behind her. The air was cold and Pearl wished she wore a sweatshirt. She ran across the gravel road and into Amethyst's yard. The purple light from Amethyst's room shined through the white shades. Pearl could see the shadow of Amethyst's frame moving around in the room. Pearl knocked on the window. When Amethyst pulled up the shade, she rose her eyebrows. 

"Dude! What the hell? You're going to get in trouble," Amethyst said after she opened up her bedroom window. She wore a pair of gaming headphones with the mic flipped up. 

"I'm sorry I insulted your grammar," Pearl said. "I know it's a stylistic choice. You're not annoying." 

"You couldn't have texted me that? If your parents find you out here, you're going to be--"

"In so much trouble, yes. I know."

Amethyst's head fell back and she sighed. "I'm sorry I made fun of you for having intense feelings for Rose. Even though it's like a lot, P. You do know that' it's a lot to call someone your soulmate after a week?" 

"She makes me feel seen," Pearl said. "She-she knows me and she knows I'm not this super religious, repressed, adorable, innocent, perfectionist Jesus Freak person like the rest of the school thinks. And she loves me. And she doesn't care that I can't do things most people can do. I understand her and she understands me." 

"So G and I don't understand you?" Amethyst asked as she allowed her arm to hang out the window. "G and I don't know those things?"

"You both do too, but it's just different with her," Pearl said. 

There was a silence that followed. Amethyst closed her eyes. Why was she being so combative about this? Hours ago, Amethyst was fully supportive of Pearl's relationship with Rose. 

Suddenly, Amethyst laughed and said, "Remember when you snuck out over the summer and we got wasted in the woods?" 

"Yeah," Pearl said. 

"We should do that again," Amethyst said. "I had a lot of fun." 

"Maybe. It's cold today though," Pearl said. 

"Yeah. Not today," Amethyst said, filling her cheek with air in disappointment at Pearl's response. "I missed you at work today. Peridot freaked out because some customer spilled their smoothie all over the floor twice! And she had to clean it up because I was technically on break. I thought she was going to pull her hair out of her head. Like, she was going full-on hulk mode. " 

"You didn't help her?" Pearl asked. 

"I helped her the second time. Out of pity. Even though there was still ten minutes left on my break," Amethyst said. 

"You're so nice," Pearl said with a smirk and slight sarcasm.

"You cold?" Amethyst asked. Then she grabbed a sweatshirt and threw it out the window to Pearl. 

Pearl put on the large black sweatshirt, which said "Vans" across the front. It smelled like laundry detergent and Amethyst's fruity perfume. "Thanks." 

"Actually...do you want to come in?" 

"Through the window?" Pearl asked. 

"Uh, yeah." 

'What about--" 

"Jasper's at her friend's party, so I don't think she's coming home tonight." 

Pearl looked around. All of the lights in her home were off. No risk here. Amethyst offered her hands to pull Pearl up and through he window. When Pearl pulled herself up by Amethyst's hands, for the first time in their four-year friendship, Pearl was inside Amethyst's room. 

It was warm, wood-paneled, and covered with magazine cut-outs collaged on the wall above her unmade bed. It smelled like incense and the faint aroma of weed. Clothes were strewn about the floor and the bed was unmade. A make-up vanity was set up in the corner. To Pearl's surprise, it was the only part of the room that had some semblance of organization and cleanliness with the lipstick tubes set up in a successive line. 

"You want to sit?" Amethyst asked. 

Pearl sat on the edge of Amethyst's bed. "So what are you doing?" She gestured to the flat screen television. A video game was paused. 

"I was playing _Call of Duty_ with Derrick," Amethyst said with a laugh, probably because Pearl had insulted him minutes earlier via text. Amethyst held up her finger to her lips, indicating Pearl to be quiet for a minute. She pulled the microphone down. "Yo, dude. P is here, so I'm going to bounce." Amethyst smiled at whatever Derrick said over the headset and said, "Yeah, they let her out past ten. Don't be a dick." Amethyst then rolled her eyes. "Bet. Jasper usually comes home at one. Bye."

How often and for how long did Amethyst talk to Derrick on X-Box? Every night? Some nights? Every other weekend? 

Amethyst plopped herself down on the bed next to Pearl. "You wanna get high and watch _Lady Assassin_? I know you've already been watching it tonight." 

"Um, sure..." Pearl said. 

Amethyst reached under her bed and took out a box filled with buds and rolling papers. "P, I think this might be the most scandalous weekend you've had in your entire life." Amethyst smirked as she took some of the bud from the grinder, and began rolling a joint on a plastic storage drawer next to her bed.

"It probably is," Pearl said, scooting on Amethyst's bed so she could rest her back against the wall. 

Amethyst quickly rolled the joint with the precision of a stoner well into their middle twenties. She lit the joint, inhaled, and then switched her X-Box app to open Hulu. Lady Assassin was impersonating a clown at a child's birthday party to kill a cartel boss. Then Amethyst handed the joint to Pearl, who set the homemade cigarette between her lips and sucked. The weight of the bed shifted when Amethyst positioned herself next to Pearl on the bed, back also facing the wall, to lay her head on Pearl's shoulder. Her hair smelled like fruity wildflowers. 

They were both silent as they watched the show. During a lull, when Special Agent Susanna Allenwolf was discussing her marriage with her husband (like, boring, we all know she's going to sleep with Lady Assassin by the end of season three, so what's the point of this?), Pearl asked, "Are you really studying for the SATs?” 

“My guidance counselor said I have the GPA range to get into the University of Delmarva. And G is right. Why not try?” 

“I would love to go to the same college as you,” Pearl said. 

"You would?" 

"Of course. What would I do without you being a five minute walk away?" 

"You'd probably stop skateboarding and have even better grades than you already do." 

"I'd never stop skateboarding." Pearl's smile met with Amethyst's. 

They continued watching the episode. Lady Assassin was breaking into the Cartel's secret hideout underneath a pet grooming shop in a strip mall.

Amethyst said, "So, I guess I'm just going to have to accept that this Rose Diamond is your soulmate or some shit?" 

"I guess you will," Pearl said. 

"All right then..." Amethyst shifted and yawned. Her body was warm and comforting. Pearl wanted to stay like this all night, but she could not. She had to go back home. After the episode ended, Pearl sat up and told Amethyst she had to go. "I'm sorry I laughed or texted laughs or however you want to, like, describe it." 

"Thanks," Pearl said. 

Pearl left through Amethyst's window (which Amethyst's preferred entrance and exit for some reason). When Pearl's sneakers met with the frozen dirt, she turned around and gazed up at Amethyst in the window. 

"So, you want to go to the skatepark tomorrow after you do your Christian dinner stuff?" Amethyst asked. 

"Maybe," Pearl said with reluctance. With dread, she added, "Rose is coming to dinner tomorrow." 

"What!?" Amethyst cackled. "Oh. my. fucking. God." 

"I know," Pearl said, covering her face with her palm. 

"Does she know your dad is going to ask her how she feels about God, then subtly yet not so subtly imply she will go to hell unless she adopts his religion, and then he will try to invite her to a Bible study group on Thursday nights?" 

"It's youth group on Thursday nights. Bible study is on Wednesday." Pearl sighed.

"Oh, and when she says 'no,' he'll say the same thing he said to me--" Amethyst lowered her voice, imitating Pearl's father with a Southern twang, "I will pray for you, Amethyst." Her voice changed back to normal. "Which is conservative Christian for 'fuck you.'"

"I know he's the reason you don't come to dinner anymore. I'm sorry." 

"It's fine, dude. Even though your mom's lasagna is fire," Amethyst said.

"I can bring some to you next time she makes it," Pearl said.

"I'd fucking love that," Amethyst said. She let out a long sigh and smiled at Pearl. "Do you know how look cute in that way-too-big sweatshirt." 

"Oh, I do?," Pearl said with half a laugh as she looked down at what she was wearing. "It's pretty baggy, and it's just a sweatshirt."

"That's what makes you look cute! Just accept the compliment," Amethyst said. "Anyway, sweet dreams." 

"Night. Love you." 

"Love you too," Amethyst said. 

Pearl made her way back across the gravel road. When she made it to her window, she used a large rock from her mother's garden to quietly pull up the screen and hoist herself back up through the window. Her sisters were still silently sleeping. In bed, Pearl looked at her phone again. She had three text messages from Rose. 

**Rose:** Can't wait to hold you again tomorrow <3

 **Rose:** What's your favorite dessert? 

**Rose:** Baby? You there?

Pearl pulled her hood up, and the smell of Amethyst's body spray infiltered her nostrils. Smelling Amethyst was kind of calming and pleasant. Pearl could not explain it other than that it made her feel like she was cozy and at home. The sweatshirt was like a peace-treaty and Pearl felt secure with it on; their friendship would be fine. It was always fine. 

**Pearl:** Can't wait to see you tomorrow, babe <3

Although this was a lie; Pearl's stomach knotted at the thought of how tomorrow would go, and she wanted to skip forward to Monday. 

**Pearl:** I like strawberry shortcake. 

**Pearl:** Kind of like how the smoothie you had today tasted, which was really good by the way. 

**Rose:** You didn't have any of my smoothie. I drank it all before your break started...

 **Rose:** Oh!

And then she sent a blushing emoji. 

**Rose:** I get it now!!! ;) <3

Why did Pearl text that? It had to be from the weed. Even with the promising response from Rose, Pearl internally cringed at what she wrote. 

**Rose:** I'm getting sleepy. See you tomorrow! Love you! 

**Pearl:** Goodnight <3 love you too

If Pearl could get through dinner tomorrow without her father telling Rose, "I'll pray for you," she will consider the whole ordeal a success. 


	12. Sunday Dinner

The next morning, Pearl woke up and started what she called her "Sunday Ritual." In the fog of opening her eyes, still half-asleep at six in the morning, Pearl had a few glorious minutes between the time she woke up and turned on the shower in the bathroom where she temporarily forgot it was Sunday. But, once the realization set in, her stomach turned. Nausea made its way up to her throat, causing her to dry heave over the toilet until the splash of vomit hit the porcelain bowl. It wasn't a lot of vomit either, but it was just enough for her to want to stay home, go under her covers, and disappear. 

This had been happening every Sunday for the past four months. 

After showering, Pearl took a look into her closet. As she perused through the myriad of floral print dresses that fell past her knees, her mother entered the bedroom to wake up her sisters. Mrs. Gill was already dressed for the day in a tasteful, yet conservative, blue dress with a blazer. Her hair had life to it, probably from using hair mousse and argan oil. Sunday was the only day of the week she wore make-up. 

Yes, on Sundays, Mrs. Gill looked beautiful. 

"Your father and I came to an agreement, and he said you could wear this from now on." Mrs. Gill handed Pearl a make-up bag. 

When Pearl peered inside, she saw that it was filled with the basics; mascara, eyeliner, foundation, an eyebrow pencil, eye shadow (of only pink and nude shades), and lip gloss.

"Really?" Pearl asked with caution. 

"Yes," Mrs. Gill said with a nod and a smile. 

"Great." Pearl returned her mother's grin with a weak smile. The only reason her father allowed this was so Pearl could "look good" for Jacob, and, for some reason, that soured this step toward leniency. 

"How about this one? With black tights and a cardigan," Mrs. Gill said. Her arm hovered above Pearl's shoulder as she reached for a pink skater dress hanging in the closet. 

"Wont Dad think that's a little short?" Pearl asked. 

"Will you feel comfortable in it?" 

"Not if Dad is going to be silently judging me from the chancel." 

"Fine then. Although, I don't think you should necessarily put that much stock into what your father thinks." 

And all Pearl wanted to say was, _Then why is Sunday the only day of the week you try to look nice? Why do you care about Sundays so damn much?! It's for him. I know it's for him._ But Pearl held her tongue, and, instead, made a face like she just shoved an entire package of Sour Patch Kids into her mouth. 

"How about this one?" Mrs. Gill asked. 

Mrs. Gill pulled an ankle length dress with a high collar off the rack, and displayed it to Pearl like a store associate working at Nordstrom on commission.

"Very funny," Pearl said with sarcasm. 

"I'm sure you'll look lovely in whatever you choose," Mrs. Gill said before putting the dress back. She went over to the window and pulled back the curtains to let light into the room. "Munchkins! Time to wake up!" 

"Five more minutes," Judy said with a mumble as she pulled the covers over her light blonde head. 

Pearl picked the pink skater dress; partly out of spite for her father, but mostly out of spite for her mother giving every shit that could be given about how she looked on Sundays. It stopped right above her knees, which meant it just made the appropriate length requirement. Because it was the end of October, and therefore cold, she threw on a black cardigan. 

After eating breakfast, Mrs. Gill corralled everyone into the car. On Sunday's, Pastor Gill went to the church early, while Mrs. Gill got everyone ready. Even then, the entire family were the first people in the church besides Jacob. 

When Pearl entered the church, it was empty. And she admittedly liked the church like this. For a brief moment in time, she felt like she was alone with God, and the terrible things that left her father's mouth and the people yelling in agreement did not exist. 

The state of the church was the main reason they lived in the mobile home. When Pastor Gill was initially hired by the church, the floors were scratched, wooded, and an old stained red carpet protected the aisle from dress shoe soles. After four years of donations, projects, and fundraising initiatives that involved giant cardboard thermometers tracking fundraising goals, the Beach City Community Church had undergone a transformation. The floors were a black carpet. The hard, wooden pews had been replaced with cushioned seats, and the altar now had a full stage and choir quire. Professional grade soundstage equipment and modern instruments had replaced the old organ and microphone. Pastor Gill had a vision, and putting all of the church donations into updating the church was the first step for him to accomplish it. Now that he had transformed the church, he was focused on recruiting new members. In a small town like Beach City, this was proving to be more difficult than he thought. 

Pastor Gill's struggle to improve the church attendance numbers beyond what he had already accomplished, was, in Pearl's opinion, the main reason Jacob was here; his father ran a mega church in South Carolina. Once, when Pearl was in middle school, they visited Jacob and his father. They lived in a giant stone mansion with a separate pool house, acres of land, that stood next to a large lake filled with brown water. The more Pearl thought about it, the more his house reminded her of Rose's. Desperate for fresh ideas, Pastor Gill took Jacob on as an intern. 

Maybe that's why he was pushing Pearl to be with Jacob? What if Pearl was part of an agreement she had not be privy to or given her consent for? 

Pearl sat in the front pew, and waited as patrons and their families flooded into the church. As she stared ahead, Pearl thought of other things like Rose's smile, the way Rose smelled, the way she looked when the sun hit her shiny, silky hair in calculus class, and the things they did last night. 

No matter how hard she tried, Pearl could not stop thinking about last night. 

"Hey, Pearl," a guy's voice said. Oh, it was Jacob. _Just wonderful,_ Pearl thought with sarcasm. 

"Oh, hi, Jacob," Pearl said, still staring ahead at the cross hanging over the altar. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that he was wearing a V-neck T-shirt and jeans. A large cross necklace hung from his neck. Pearl could see why Anne-Marie found him good looking; he was broad shouldered and his face was symmetrical with a strong jawline. For conservative Christian ladies, Jacob was like winning the Powerball of eligible bachelors, but, for Pearl, he represented a life of repression and disappointment. 

"I'm looking forward to dinner at your house tonight," he said. 

"Yeah, it should be interesting," Pearl said. And with Rose there, it really should be interesting. 

"I, uh, just wanted to let you know, that you look absolutely gorgeous today." 

And Pearl wanted to reply with, _Shouldn't you go find someone your own age that goes to your college? Or Anne-Marie? Why me? Like, seriously. Why me? Can't you see that I don't like you?_

"Thanks," Pearl said. When she finally turned her head to look at Jacob, Pearl realized that Jacob did not care whether she liked him or not. All that mattered to him was that he liked her. 

"I'm, uh, going to get ready," Jacob said. 

"Okay," Pearl said. 

Then church service started. Pastor Gill walked out onto the stage and behind the podium. He had a slick, grey suit on, which made him seem professional, friendly; a man who knew what he was talking about. The suit represented the lies the patrons listened to, told themselves, and told others; this was the truth; how could it not be the truth? The man in the suit apparently knew what he was talking about. Last week he talked about how dinosaurs and man lived on Earth at the same time, and to keep herself from laughing, Pearl had to think about something devastating, like the footage of how animals were slaughtered on factory farms. 

Pearl actually loved the suit, but she didn't like the legitimacy it gave her father's words. 

As the church band played and her father preached, the congregation would hold their hands up in the air, sing along, pray, and speak in tongues, which sounded like the pitter pattering of gibberish nonsense words. This could last from one hour to several hours. And as the others worshipped, Pearl thought about other things. 

It was not that she did not necessarily believe in God. She wanted to believe in something. So badly. It just seemed easier than waiting for the inevitable nothingness of death. But she did not care for their --her church's-- God, and if their God was real, perhaps Pearl would actually prefer the inevitable nothingness of death. Believing was complicated, and there was no way in hell their --her church's -- God was real. 

So when they prayed, and sang along with Jacob and his stupid guitar, Pearl copied what they did, but instead of yelling at God, she thought about other things; math equations; proofs; imagining periodic table of elements; banning single-use plastics with Garnet and the rest of the Environmental Club; the latest episode of _Lady Assassin,_ and any theories she might have for what happens in later episodes; Amethyst's hair the other day (where did that come from?); the way Rose said, 'Pearl,' like she saw Pearl's true self; the taste of Rose's mouth after she drank a strawberry smoothie; Rose's body; the way her hair felt like velvet; the way Rose's smile made Pearl melt; sleeping with Rose for the first time; and Nietzsche's "The Birth of Tragedy," where he argued how art should replace God in the human soul. 

And then she wished she didn't skip ballet. 

After the service, Pearl's father opened the soup kitchen in the basement of the church. He did this everyday at noon, and Sunday was the one day Pearl helped out. As people shuffled through line, her father said "hello" and addressed each one by name. He knew all of them. And he gave each one of them a pamphlet with their meal. After soup kitchen, pamphlets scattered about the parking lot like a collage of asphalt, yellow parking paint, and the Word of God. As Pearl went outside and collected the discarded glossy paper pamphlets (which she could not always recycle because sometimes her father used paper that had a plastic coating), she wondered if her father would care about helping people if it did not involve handing out pamphlets. 

At a quarter past five, Pearl stood in the kitchen at home making mashed potatoes again, staring at the boiling pot of potatoes, waiting for something to happen. Rose would be here any minute. And then Jacob would be here. And then they would have dinner.

Would Rose Diamond realize Pearl was not worth the trouble? For the first time that Sunday, Pearl prayed; she wanted everything to work out. 

Pearl could hear Rose's tires crumple the gravel road outside. A few seconds later, Rose was at the doorstep, peering in through the door window. She wore the same navy coat from the other day and jeans. In her hands was pastry box. Since Pearl's father had not returned home from church yet, and her mother and sisters were in their bedrooms, she opened the door and said, "Hi." 

"Guess what I brought," Rose said. She held up the brown box with a large, encompassing smile. 

Pearl returned the grin. "Strawberry shortcake?" 

The door down the hallway burst open, creating a banging sound that echoed throughout the home. Mrs. Gill walked down the narrow hallway, and greeted Rose. 

"You came!" Mrs. Gill said. "Well, welcome, welcome!" She walked a few steps into the living room. "Have a seat. Do you want something to drink?" 

"Water would be great. Please." Rose handed the box to Mrs. Gill. "I brought something that I thought everyone would like."

"You did not have to do that!" Mrs. Gill peaked into the box. "Strawberry shortcake. How lovely! Thank you." Mrs. Gill went into the kitchen and set the box down on the counter. Then she grabbed two glasses from the cabinet, opened the fridge, and took out the Brita filter that Pearl made her buy last month. Pearl appreciated that her mother actually used it. The glasses filled with liquid, making a dribble ping sound. "Take these and go talk to your friend in the living room." Mrs. Gill said this with a whisper as she handed off the two glasses to Pearl. "I'll finish cooking." 

Pearl nodded and went over to Rose, sitting next to her on the stiff grey couch. When Pearl felt the microfiber fabric with her palm, she recalled the Italian leather couch in Rose's living room, and this suddenly made her self-conscious about the whole situation. Rose sipped her water and looked at Pearl out of the corner of her eye. 

"So..." Rose said. 

Pearl did not immediately answer. Instead, her focus was on the sounds of cabinets slamming shut, and pots and pans banging together as her mother cooked a mere ten feet away from them. What were they supposed to talk about while Pearl's mother was there? 

"Thanks for inviting me," Rose said. She adjusted her hand so her pinky finger subtly brushed against Pearl's thigh. Pearl gulped up a large sip of her water, only to choke from drinking it too fast. As Pearl coughed, Rose asked, setting her hand on Pearl's back, "Are you okay?" 

"Yup, I'm great," Pearl said, clearing her throat. She went over possible conversation topics. Environmental Club? No, what if her dad came in and started talking about the rapture? Tutoring? What else was there to say about that? It had not even happened yet. Weekend plans? Nope. It was Halloween this weekend, and Pearl did not want her father to come in with Jacob and lecture Rose about demon possession. Compliments? No, Pearl had the tendency to overcompliment. As Pearl's mind raced, she realized Rose had not removed her hand from her back, so Pearl stood up, abrupt like she was being called into position. "Oh, your coat. I can take it." 

Rose stood up to take her coat off, and Pearl's hands shook as they hovered, gesturing for Rose to hand off the coat so Pearl could hang it up on the coat rack. When Rose gave Pearl her coat, she set her hand on Pearl's shoulder and whispered. "Everything is going to be fine. Breathe."

"I'll try," Pearl said.

When she hung up the coat, she saw that the tag read "Made in Italy," and she caught the brief scent of flowers on Rose's collar, which made Pearl's heart rate thump in rapid succession like drums in a punk song. Why did she have to smell so good? For a microsecond, she gazed out the window across the street to Amethyst's house. When she turned around, Rose was sitting back on the couch, and Pearl noticed that she was wearing a fuzzy pink drop shoulder sweater. Before she could go back to Rose, and sit next to her, the door swung open. Her father and Jacob entered the house. 

The bang of the screen door made Rose stand up and walk over behind Pearl. Pearl's father shoved his hands into the pockets of his grey trousers, waiting to be introduced to Rose. A bouquet of flowers, from the supermarket, was bundled in Jacob's arms. The two men stood next to each other, awkwardly, as if they interrupted a intense, personal conversation. 

"Uh, Dad and Jacob, this is my friend Rose. Rose, this is my Dad," Pearl said. 

"Nice to meet you, Rose," Pastor Gill said, offering Rose a handshake. 

"Nice to meet you too, Pastor Gill!" Rose returned the handshake. 

"And Jacob, who's a--" Pearl said. 

"I'm Pearl's special friend," Jacob said. 

Pearl wanted to smack herself in the face from the embarrassment of this term, "special friend." He couldn't say boyfriend, although Pearl imagined he wanted to; in their church couples would often date in group settings until they decided to be in a committed relationship that would lead to marriage. Until then, in the dating stage, they were friends. 

"Cool, me too," Rose said as she shook Jacob's hand. "Nice to meet you." 

Upon hearing this, Pearl maintained an intense stare as she tried to hold a poker face. As her eyebrow twitched, she kept telling herself to stare at the front door's brass doorknob. If her family knew Rose as intimately as Pearl did, they would realize that Rose's tone was facetious; Rose thought this whole ordeal was hilarious. 

"Oh, they're not best friends," Pastor Gill said, laughing, but not for the same reasons Rose was on the verge of ecstatic giggles. 

Pearl did not find anything about this amusing or humorous. This was her life, and it really, really sucked right now. 

"No, I mean Pearl and I are kind of dating," Jacob said. "Early stages." 

"Oh, silly me," Rose said, waving her hand. The side of her mouth dropped as if she was saying with false sincerity, _Whoops_. "Well, nice job, Pearl. He's really handsome." 

"I'm not that handsome," Jacob said, smiling and shrugging one shoulder. Clearly, Jacob knew he was attractive. 

"And so humble," Rose said. 

During the awkward silence that followed, Jacob gestured the bouquet, his offering of romantic intentions, to Pearl, who instinctively took a step back, only to bump into Rose, her neck brushing against Rose's fuzzy pink sweater. The warmth of Rose's hands cupping Pearl's shoulder, stopping her to indicate that Rose was standing right behind her, made Pearl linger for a second until the material of Rose's sweater prickled Pearl's skin, causing her to take a step forward again. 

"I got these for you," Jacob said, staring directly in Pearl's eyes with a white toothy smile. (Pearl could not look into his eyes, so she usually focused on his chin).

"Cool," Pearl said as she grabbed the flowers out of his hands, and set the bouquet on the kitchen counter. 

"Aw, and he's sweet. Peonies and baby's breath. Nice choice," Rose said. She smirked at Jacob like she made a joke that went over his head. 

"Uh, thanks?" Jacob said. 

Pastor Gill nudged Pearl with his elbow. 

"Oh and thank you," Pearl said. "This was nice of you, Jacob." 

"Only the most beautiful flowers for the most beautiful person I've ever seen," Jacob said. 

Rose's almond eyes widened as she exchanged a glance with Pearl. It reminded Pearl of a game she used to play when she was in elementary school; a staring contest, where you also were not allowed to make any facial expressions or smile, which just made the entire game funnier. Because Pearl could tell Rose wanted to laugh at Jacob. 

"Cool," Pearl said, again. She really needed to come up with another thing to say. Then she pivoted around and saw Judith and Ruthie parade out of their room. When Ruthie saw Rose, she exclaimed, "Your hair is so pretty!" 

"I heard you had an indoor pool," Judith said. 

"Thank you!" Rose said. "And, yes, I do have an indoor pool." 

"How much do you think it costs to fill that thing?" Pastor Gill asked. 

This statement made Pearl cover her face with her hands. Why did he have to say things like that? 

"Not sure," Rose said. "I'm not really in charge of that." 

This retort made Pearl snort, and her father glared at her. This one terrifying look of his green-blue eyes made Ruthie and Judy shuffle to the next room, away from him. Pearl covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her nervous giggles, and said, "Dad, Rose wants to learn how to surf." 

Maybe that would save this conversation? 

"You do?" Pastor Gill asked. 

"Pearl described it as one of the most exhilarating things you can do, so naturally, I'd like to try it," Rose said. 

Pearl tried to listen in on the conversation between her father and Rose so she could find a moment to contribute and prevent a fallout, but Jacob moved in front of her, blocking her view and access to them. 

"So you like skateboarding?" Jacob said. "Just asking because you always bring one to Youth Group." 

"Yeah," Pearl said. 

"Awesome, me too! Maybe we could go to the skatepark sometime?" 

"Maybe." 

Jacob bopped his head up and down. The silence between them could make anyone want to leave the conversation and walk away, or maybe even talk about the weather, but Pearl was not going to give Jacob the saving grace of small talk. No, she was going to wait. During this silence, she tried to eavesdrop on the conversation between her father and Rose. They were still talking about surfing. Great. Surfing was safe. Surfing was fun. Surfing was probably the only secular thing her father could talk about. 

"Uh, when?" Jacob asked. 

"When what?" Pearl asked. 

"When do you want to go to the skatepark?" 

"Uh--" Before Pearl could come up with an excuse, her mother announced that dinner was ready. Thank God. 

Pearl motioned for Rose to sit next to her. Earlier in the day, Pearl's mother had put in the table extension, which meant Pearl's mother's seat at one end of the table poured over into the living room area, a foot away from the arm of the couch. Judy and Ruthie sat on the other side of table, and Pastor Gill sat at the head of the table (the side that was actually in the kitchen dining area). 

Once they sat down to eat, Pearl realized she forgot to warn Rose about the praying for the blessing. Since she had been obsessively focusing on what not to do and say, she never voiced to Rose what she needed to do and say. Was Pearl a bad girlfriend for doing this? 

"When we pray, before we eat," Pearl whispered, "we all hold hands, close our eyes, and pray." 

"Okay," Rose said with a shrug. 

Jacob sat across from Pearl, smiling at her as he set a napkin on his lap. 

They linked hands, Pearl wanted to rub her finger in circles across Rose's skin. Or take Rose's palm to her cheek. Or kiss each one of Rose's fingers. Or to wrap her lips around one of --

"Let us pray. Bless us Lord," Pastor Gill's voice bellowed. "As we eat, may you satisfy our thirst and curb our hunger. Bless those who we helped today and bring them prosperity. Bless the new friendship of Pearl and Jacob, and that it may blossom into something deeper than a friendship..." He droned on, but Pearl tuned him out, similar to what she did at church. 

That part made Rose squeeze Pearl's hand harder. When Pearl allowed one eye to open, she saw Rose, both eyes wide open, looking down at her. The widened pupils, the uncontrolled blinking, the reddening of her sclera, the heavy breathing displayed a deterioration in Rose's otherwise cool disposition like reality had smacked her in the face. This was not a farce, like on a television show, and Pearl could tell that her girlfriend was no longer amused by this situation.

It was strange to see Rose look like that. A quick scan of the room affirmed no one else could see; their eyes were closed, and they were still listening to Pearl's father recite a prayer. Pearl allowed both her eyes to open, staring back at Rose, and mouthed as her father's voice provided background noise, "I am sorry." 

Rose shook her head and mouthed back, "Don't be." 

Pastor Gill concluded his rambling prayer with an "Amen," and the sound of everyone adjusting their seating positions or the clack of someone reaching for a serving spoon made Pearl instinctively remove her hand from Rose's grasp. 

As they passed the bowls around, Jacob reached for Pearl's plate, grabbing it. "I got you," he said as he shoveled a piece of chicken onto her plate. 

The pale, slimy piece of meat invading Pearl's plate made Pearl internally gag. "I, uh, I am--thank you." She chickened out. Why couldn't she tell him she was a vegetarian? It should be easy. 

"Pearl's a vegetarian," Rose said, taking the plate from his hand and switching her own empty plate with Pearl's. 

This made Jacob grin. "What? Are you serious?" 

"Why wouldn't I be serious?" Rose asked, eyes narrowing at him as she passively aggressively plopped mashed potatoes on her plate, and then on Pearl's plate. 

"It's because of Rapture," Pastor Gill said. He laughed this off and added, looking only at Jacob, "We've been trying to get it through Pearl's head that it shouldn't matter if it's better for the environment." 

"But--" Pearl swallowed her words again. She wanted to say, _It's about more than just the environment. The ethics of factory farming extend to how the animals are treated. They're also a breeding ground for disease in addition to the terrible conditions. Do you know what Mad Cow disease is? It creates prions. Do you know the kind of damage your prions can do to your brain?_

"It's sweet that she cares, but you know how women can be," Pastor Gill said as he exchanged nods with Jacob. 

"I don't" Rose said. 

This response took everyone at the table by surprise. Judy muttered, "Did she really say that to Daddy?" to Ruthie. Mrs. Gill's mouth hung open, and a small smile curled the edges of her lips. Pearl pinched her the bridge of her nose. At the rate this conversation was going, Pearl was never going to be able to go to Rose's house again. Jacob and her father both had stoic, closed lipped expressions. Pastor Gill leaned back in his chair. 

"You don't what?" Pastor Gill asked, retraining himself from his bubbling anger reaching the surface. Pearl knew he was on his best behavior because: Diamond Family + Church attendance = Huge Donations. Huge Donations = Better house. 

"I don't know how women can be," Rose said. Then she reached for carrots, this time scooping some onto her own plate, Pearl's plate, and Jacob's plate. "Is this enough?" Rose asked Jacob. 

"Yup. Great, thanks," Jacob said. 

Before Pastor Gill could respond, Pearl said, "Rose's mother has her own fashion design company," as if this would somehow explain Rose's reaction. Although, Pearl thought, society in general could explain Rose's reaction; her father's and Jacob's views lived in a different time, one that Pearl would happily see disappear from modern society. 

"She makes clothes?" Judy asked. 

"She designs clothes, purses, suitcases, shoes, some jewelry, umm...nail polishes, fragrances, and some other stuff that I'm probably forgetting," Rose said. "So, she sketches them out or instructs like scientists to make the product, and then a factory makes the clothes and other stuff." 

"Is that what you want to do too?" Mrs. Gill asked. 

"Oh!" Rose let out a half-laugh. "Not at all. I want to be a horticulturalist or be a nursery manager." 

"You want to work at a farm stand?" Pastor Gill asked, smiling. Pearl could tell he was amused by this answer. She could imagine him saying, later tonight after dinner, _A billionairess wants to run a farm stand!_

"Yeah, kind of. Although nurseries usually have flowers and other plants, not fruits and vegetables" Rose said. 

"Why not be a florist?" Pastor Gill asked. 

"I like growing flowers, not arranging them," Rose said. 

"Why can't you be interested in something like that? Something you can do in the backyard?" Pastor Gill asked, looking directly at Pearl.

"What do you mean?" Rose asked. 

"Pearl and math," Pastor Gill said, shaking his head. "She's got this obsession with it. I don't know why. Last year it was robotics. Now it's solving equations. For fun." 

Last year Pearl's father moved Youth Group from Wednesday nights to Thursday nights when he found out that was when robotic tournaments took place, and then Pearl had to quit the club. 

"Calculus makes sense," Pearl said. "That's why I like it." 

"A lot of things make sense," Pastor Gill said. "You just don't want to see how they do." 

"I think Pearl's interest in math is cool," Jacob said. 

"Really?" Pastor Gill said. 

"Yes, it's a valuable skill," Jacob said. 

"Exactly," Rose said. 

"Especially when she has children someday," Jacob said. He then grinned at Pearl, flashing sympathetic blue eyes at her. "I mean, I know I would let my wife go to college because it would better prepare her to teach our children for homeschooling." 

"You'd let her?" Rose asked. Although, this time, she was not mad. Her voice was shaky, unsure. 

"Well, yeah." Jacob maintained a direct stare at Pearl while he said. "There's a small Christian university near my dad's church in South Carolina. So, she'd get to go there after I'm done with my ministry studies." 

"You're a keeper, Jacob," Rose said, facetiously. 

"Aw, thank you," Jacob said, smiling, unaware of what Rose meant. 

Mrs. Gill's eyes scanned the plates on the table. Enough people had finished eating for her to change the subject of the conversation. "Who wants strawberry shortcake? Rose brought it. Thank you, again, by the way." 

"No problem," Rose said while her wide, disturbed eyes fixated on the empty serving bowl in front of her. 

Pearl rose from her seat to collect plates from everyone. As she circled the table, Rose said, "So, Jacob, your dad is a pastor too?" 

"Yes, in South Carolina. He has an attendance of three thousand a service each weekend," Jacob said. 

"Three thousand people?" Rose asked. 

"It's a megachurch," Pearl said. 

"So you're kind of a big deal then?" Rose asked. 

"Oh, no. Not all all. My dad kind of is though," Jacob said. "I mean, it's not like he has tens of thousands of people at each service, but he's pretty popular." 

"Where do you go to church, Rose?" Pastor Gill asked.

"Oh, I don't, um...it's complicated," Rose said. 

"Complicated how?" Pastor Gill asked. 

"My dad is Jewish. And my mother grew up Christian, but I think the only semi-religious thing she cares about or worships now is Saint Laurent." 

And, as far as Pearl was concerned, that was going to set her father off. Rose was met with silence. In the kitchen area, Pearl practically threw the dirty dishes into the sink so she could save Rose from her father's wrath, but before she could rush back to the table, her mother grabbed her shoulder and whispered, "She's great." And then smiled with a nod. "Honey, would you take these slice of cake over to the table?" 

"Sure, Mom," Pearl said, taking the dessert plates. 

"The Pentecostal Church does not recognize the existence of Saints," Pastor Gill said. 

"It's pagan to worship people as deities," Jacob said. "Just like how celebrating Halloween can expose oneself to the devil, since you're actually worshipping the devil when you dress up in costume on a pagan holiday." 

"Or Christmas trees," Ruthie said. "Those are bad too. Witches invented them."

From across the room, Pearl heard Rose say, "Oh, I was making joke. I didn't mean to offend your religion. Saint Laurent is a fashion brand. My mother is an atheist." 

"She doesn't believe in anything?" Judy asked. 

Pearl half-expected her father to say, _Rose, we'll pray for your parents_. But he didn't. Instead, he said, "Rose, my church has a Youth Group meet on Thursday nights, would you like to come?" And Pearl almost dropped the dessert plates full of cakes she was carrying over to the table on the floor. 

"It's not a service or anything," Jacob said. "It's actually a lot of fun. We hang out, play music, and sometimes talk about our relationship with God."

"That's the one Pearl goes to every Thursday?" Rose asked. 

"Ah, yeah," Pastor Gill said. 

"I think I might check that out," Rose said. 

"Why?" Pearl said as she handed a dessert plate to Rose. 

"Let's not be Rude, darlin'," Pastor Gill said. "She's your friend. Don't you want you friend to see what our church has to offer?" 

Pearl knew Rose had no intention to actually join the church, and she was probably just agreeing to go because she knew it was something Pearl did. 

A grin encompassed Rose's face. "Yeah, Pearl, I'm interested in learning more." 

The remainder of dessert occupied the more mundane discussions about what happened earlier in the day at church. Rose stayed mostly silent during these discussions, and Pearl knew her girlfriend was starting to feel uncomfortable, so Pearl gave Rose an "out."

"Rose, do you have an AP Biology lab report you need to work on?" Pearl asked. 

They locked eyes, and Rose's lit up as Pearl asked this question. "I do. I really should go," Rose said. "It was so nice meeting you all." 

Outside, Pearl walked Rose out to her car. Before Rose got into her Mercedes, she leaned against the car and said, "Well, I definitely understand more about you now." 

"And?" 

"And, now I know why you don't celebrate Halloween or practice any 'pagan' Christmas traditions. And why you freak out whenever I'm in the presence of anyone in your family or people who go to your church." 

Pearl pulled on the side of her arm in a protective position, and she stared at the ground, waiting for inevitable 'Breakup Conversation.' She could hear it in head, _Pearl, you're great, and beautiful, and I definitely enjoyed spending time with you, but we're just too different. You know? Maybe we need to go our separate ways._ And then, on Monday, Pearl would have to witness Rose kissing Sam at lunch or something equally heart-wrenching. 

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" Rose asked. 

"At school?" 

"Uh, yeah," Rose said this as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Do you want me to pick you up from dance tomorrow? That way we can study at my house right after." 

"Study, yeah. Sure!" Pearl allowed herself to smile, and it was the first time that evening she did not feel as if tree roots were burrowing into her chest.

"Listen, baby, I'm actually completely deadass about this tutoring stuff. Like I need to end this semester with a 'B,' otherwise my dad is going to have to, like, donate a new humanities building to Princeton or something like that. I'd rather he just donated to the alumni association instead or something, you know, less obvious and public." 

"I totally understand," Pearl said. Only she didn't understand. Her father could barely spare a penny for the take a penny leave a penny jars at convenience stores. 

"Okay, thank you," Rose said,.

"You really freaked Jacob out with all that serving food while talking to him stuff," Pearl said, giggling. 

"It's a power move thing my dad does at board meetings or lunches with water or coffee or whatever they have. It freaks people out," Rose said, returning the smile. "You know, it's like, I'm deciding what you eat or drink, not the other way around. Assert control, then take what's yours." 

Pearl had a hard time grinning at the second part of Rose's explanation; Pearl was the thing that was Rose's and not Jacob's. And, suddenly, Pearl did not like the idea of belonging to someone, at least in that way. This revelation made her heart drop and her stomach turn. 

"I love you, my Pearl" Rose whispered. 

"Love you," Pearl whispered back.

After Rose got into her car, and drove away, Pearl took a moment to be alone in the driveway. Across the street, she saw Amethyst's head pop out of the window of her mobile home, and she waved to Pearl, cackling with glee. Pearl waved back, and then went back inside. Hopefully tomorrow would be easier. 


	13. The Coat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, thanks for the comments and kudos!

The next day started off like almost every Monday. Pearl waited for Amethyst to walk to the bus stop, and, after Amethyst ran out of her mobile home, they walked down the gravel road together. As Amethyst kicked rocks down the street, she asked, "So how'd dinner go?" 

"Fine, I guess," Pearl said. 

"Did your dad tell Rose he'd pray for her?" 

"Not exactly," Pearl said, sighing. "He was on his best behavior." 

"Because Rose is rich." Amethyst said this like a statement. 

"Yes, because Rose is rich." Pearl's grip around her backpack straps tightened, and when she looked down at the gravel road, she noticed how dirty her teal canvas shoes had become. 

"So it was just fine?" Amethyst asked. 

Pearl knew she was digging for more details, but Pearl did not feel like spilling them. "It wasn't nearly as interesting as you think it was." 

"Are you sure?" Amethyst asked. "Cause the look on your face says otherwise." 

She considered telling Amethyst how she really felt, which was how uneasy she had become when she realized Rose treated the situation like a joke, or how Pearl's stomach dropped again when Rose said the words, "Take what's yours." However, Amethyst laughing at Pearl's declaration that Rose was her soulmate the other day, deterred Pearl from saying anything. Also, at this point in time, Pearl could not imagine living without Rose. 

"I'm just tired. I was up past midnight writing my chem lab report, and then I couldn't fall asleep, so I didn't sleep much at all." 

Rose had also been texting her until three in the morning, although Pearl did not think Amethyst would have a good reaction to that information since she would ask to read the messages, and Pearl did not want to share the intimate conversation with Amethyst. Last night from 1:00AM to 3:00AM, Pearl had spent two hours hiding in the bathroom as she responded to the flirty messages Rose seemed intent on sending. _Do you know how frustrating it was not to be able to touch you today?_ was how Rose started the conversation last night. 

"You never sleep much," Amethyst said. 

"That's because I'm always worried." 

"Well, I wish I could tell you that you don't have a lot to worry about, but..." 

"I do." 

"Yeah," Amethyst said. 

On the bus, Amethyst flirted with Derrick as Pearl looked out at the window. When they got to school, they waited in the hallway for Garnet to arrive. Garnet usually got to school later than they did because one of her moms would drive her everyday. As Amethyst and Pearl leaned against their lockers, they discussed what happened over the weekend at Rose's party. 

"I just want to let you know that I'm just going to pretend the Eddie thing never happened," Amethyst said. 

"Why did you have to bring that up again? I'd almost forgotten about it," Pearl said. 

"Well, if Rose decides to sit with you at lunch again, and she probably will because she's like obsessed with you, her BFF accessory is also going to show up and things might get awkward," Amethyst said. 

"You really think Rose is obsessed with me?" Pearl asked, hugging her notebook tighter. 

"Um, yeah." Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Speak of the rich girl." She motioned her head down the hallway. Rose walked next to Elle, approaching them. "And that's my cue to go to the art hallway." 

"You're leaving?" Pearl asked. 

"Would you rather me stay here and accidentally mention to Elle that I kissed her boyfriend at Rose's party on Friday?"

"For your sake, no," Pearl said. 

"Exactly." Amethyst sighed and added, "Can I walk you to dance? I feel like I didn't see you at all this weekend."

"We kind of saw each other," Pearl said. 

"I saw you for like two hours on Friday and one hour on Saturday," Amethyst said. "Usually we spend like all Saturday night together at work, and then we like spend half of Sunday together,"Amethyst said with a harsh a whisper. "But this weekend you were busy, so I only saw you for like an hour on Saturday, and the whole time you blabbered on about how Rose is your soulmate, and that you two were just meant to be together forever and even after we're all dead and the world destroyed by single-use plastics. Like puke city, dude." 

"Wait, does this mean you're not sitting with me and Garnet at lunch?" Pearl asked.

"I can't dude. Because Elle is going to sit with you, which means Eddie might sit with you." 

"Okay," Pearl said. 

"Alrighty then. See yah in history," Amethyst saluted Pearl with two fingers, and then she sped walked away. 

"What's all that about?" Rose's voice said from behind Pearl's shoulder. 

Pearl pivoted so she was facing Rose, who was holding a shopping bag in her hand. Elle was nowhere in sight, so Pearl concluded that Elle wanted to interact with Pearl just as much as she and Amethyst wanted to interact with Elle. "Just Amethyst being difficult. Nothing new," Pearl said. 

"Amethyst difficult? She's so laid back. I can't imagine she'd be difficult" Rose said. 

"You'd be surprised," Pearl said. "She'll be fine later once she gets over whatever is making her be a total...moody person." 

"So..." Rose adjusted her backpack and set it on the floor. "I got you something." 

"Why?" Pearl asked.

"Um, because I--" Rose lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned closer to Pearl to say, "love you." Then she smiled and presented Pearl with a nondescript navy shopping bag. 

"I don't..." Pearl's eyebrows pinched together. "It's not a holiday, and my birthday is in June." No one had randomly given her a present for no reason before, so accepting this made her feel strange; like doing so would mean she owed Rose something. 

Rose rolled her eyes. "I just want you to have it. Okay?" 

Everything about Rose in this moment made Pearl want to melt into the ground; the warm, deep brown eyes, her thick, pouty lips, and the long, dark hair that Pearl wanted to run her fingers through for hours. To please her girlfriend, Pearl peered into the bag, and she saw a dark grey peacoat. When she touched the fabric, she realized it was a cashmere-wool blend. And when she checked the label, it said, _Made in Italy._

What the fuck was this for? Once she mentally went over the cost of this gift in her head, her throat felt dry. A prickling heat proliferated throughout her entire body. Her hands shook. Maybe she should have eaten breakfast? 

"I can't take this," Pearl said, gesturing the bag back to Rose like it contained anthrax. 

"Yes, you can," Rose said, forcing the bag back into Pearl's hands. Then the warning bell rang. Music from the 1990's played over the speakers, and Rose raised her eyebrows with a smile. "See you at lunch, baby." 

Other people navigated around Pearl as she stood in the middle of the hallway, still listlessly staring into the shopping bag. It was not that Pearl did not want the coat. It was the fact that Rose gave Pearl the coat for seemingly no reason. Or maybe there was reason? Maybe it was a response to dinner? Or Pearl getting yelled at by Rose's mom on Friday night? Or was it because Pearl slept with her? 

Pearl really, really hoped it wasn't because she had slept with Rose. 

Once Pearl realized she was going to be late for AP Language and Composition, she shoved the shopping bag into her locker, and almost ran down the hall, just in time to make it into Mrs. Richardson's classroom before the actual bell rang. When Pearl sat in her seat, Mrs. Richardson handed Pearl a copy of _Into Thin Air_ and told the whole class to read the first three chapters for tomorrow. 

Later, in history, Pearl waited for Amethyst to sit in the seat next to her. Amethyst was always late, so the absence of her was to be expected. What Pearl did not expect was for the classroom phone to ring and get picked up by Ms. Jennings, who hung it up and said, "Pearl, they want you down in guidance." 

"Why?' Pearl asked. 

"I don't know," Ms. Jennings said. 

In guidance, Pearl sat across from her counselor Ms. Holt, who was young, shaggy-haired, and fresh out of college. Cheesy motivational posters covered her office walls like a collage of cut-up yearbook quotes; _Don't stop until you're proud; The difference between winning and losing is one thing: not quitting; Just remember you can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pocket -- Arnold Schwarzenegger; Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll end up in the stars;_ and _Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor._

For some reason that last one hit Pearl different. Probably because it was true. 

A friendly smile was plastered across Ms. Holt's face as she said, "I have some great news!" Her glasses fell to her nose, and she adjusted the sleeves on her dress blouse. 

"Okay," Pearl said. 

"All of your hard work is paying off," Ms. Holt said. "You are currently the valedictorian of Beach City High's class of 2022! Congratulations!" 

"Thanks," Pearl said, sinking down into her chair. When could she leave and go back to class? Discussing her future was one of her least favorite conversation topics. 

"Have you thought about your post-college plans?" 

_If you asked my father, I'm marrying a guy named Jacob and moving to South Carolina. If you asked my grandmother, she'd say I'm moving in with her. If you asked Rose, it would probably be following her to Princeton. And if you asked Amethyst, it would be going to the University of Delmarva with her. Garnet would tell her to follow her heart._ At least Garnet understood that. 

"I don't know," Pearl said. 

Ms. Holt's widened with panic. "You haven't thought about it at all? Researched any colleges?" 

"Not really," Pearl said. "I guess I like the University of Delmarva Smyrna Beach." 

"Oh, sweetie," Ms. Holt said, shaking her head. "You need to shoot for the moon so you can land among the stars." She pointed back to the poster hanging above her desk. "Yeah, the University of Delmarva is fine for your safety school." She pulled a pile of brochures out of her desk drawer and plopped them onto the surface of her desk with a thump. "What are you interested in subject matter-wise? Basically, what do you want to be when you grow up?" 

Pearl paused. First, the metaphor to "shoot for the moon to end up amongst the stars" did not make any sense because the closest star to Earth, Proxima Centauri, was 268,770 AU (or light years) away. It would take someone 268,770 years to reach the closest star. In comparison, the moon was 238,900 miles away; someone could reach the moon in about thirty days. Second, Ms. Holt annoyed her. Third, elitist much, Ms. Holt? Where did she go to college? That's when Pearl saw a MS in counseling degree from John Hopkins right next to the stupid star metaphor poster. 

"I don't know," Pearl said. 

"You don't know?! I mean, that is fine. Perfectly normal to be unsure of yourself at this age." She took in a deep breath, gave Pearl a sympathetic smile, and added, nodding, "About many things." 

Pearl tilted her head at the last thing Ms. Holt said. What was she implying? Maybe changing the subject will shorten this conversation? 

"I mean, I guess I like math. I'd probably want to be a physicist, an environmental engineer, or a math teacher," Pearl said. 

"Now, that gives me something to work with," Ms. Holt said as her fingers flipped though the brochures, taking several out of the pile. "So we have the obvious ones; Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Princeton...how far from home do you want to go?" 

"I-I don't--" 

"It's fine if you don't know." She waved her hand at Pearl. "I'll give you brochures for Stanford, UC Berkley--" 

As Ms. Holt listed the schools, Pearl watched her perfectly manicured fingers flip through the information packets that looked earily similar to the ones her father gave out to new converts, and then she realized that she wasn't going to see any of the things in the college packets in person, so she decided to stand up and tell Ms. Holt she would look into more schools, even though she had no plans to; just so this would stop. 

But then Ms. Hold said, "Oh, John Hopkins is great for everything you're interested in. And it's close by! I went there for undergrad and my masters, so if you have any questions, I will have most of the answers! Oh, and MIT! You need a sample to go there, but..." She clicked the mouse on her computer. "You are on the robotics team, so I'm sure you have something to submit!" 

"I'm not on the robotics team anymore," Pearl said before sitting down again in defeat. 

"Oh...why?" Now Ms. Holt had a confused grimace on her face. "From what I understand, you were a valued member of the team." 

"I have other stuff I do that night," Pearl said. 

"Okay, well if you like MIT, you should really think about joining again so you'll have a sample. Especially if you're interested in engineering." 

The meeting lasted the entire class period, so Pearl did not see Amethyst until she walked into the cafeteria, arms bundling the info packets like they were a sick, fragile animal. It only took Pearl a few seconds to realize that Amethyst was not sitting at their usual table. Instead, she was sitting at the art clique table next to Vidalia, arm around the blonde girl's shoulders. Pearl stood in front of the cafeteria, hoping that Garnet was at school today. Before Pearl could fumble her phone out of her backpack to text Garnet, Anne-Marie tapped Pearl on the shoulder. She wore a purple and blue Melody Mountains shirt and a jean skirt that stopped just above her knees.

"Hey, Pearl!" Anne-Marie said. 

"Hi."

"Do you want to sit with us?"

"Oh, I'm...fine," Pearl said. "Waiting for some friends."

"What do you got in your arms?" She peeked over Pearl's arms, invading Pearl's personal space bubble. "Oh, college brochures. You think Jacob will let you go to any of these schools?"

Obviously Anne-Marie had heard through the church rumor mill that Jacob was interested in Pearl and that he had probably gone to dinner at Pearl's house. Why couldn't Anne-Marie just date Jacob instead? 

"I'm not really thinking about that right now," Pearl said. Fuck what Jacob thinks. 

"Well, you should be," Anne-Marie said. "You wouldn't want him to find someone else that actually does think about that kind of stuff." 

Actually, that was exactly what Pearl wanted. As she formulated a response, she saw Garnet enter enter the cafeteria from the hallway on the other side of the room. "Would you, uh, excuse me," Pearl said before she walked away from Anne-Marie. 

"But--" Anne-Marie said before she was out of Pearl's earshot. 

Garnet ran up to Pearl in an unusually giddy manner. "You wont believe it!" she said as she grabbed Pearl by the shoulders. "Pearl! The petition worked! Well, it kind of worked." 

"It did?!" Pearl nearly dropped her brochures on the floor. 

"Get this! Principal Reyes said he was impressed with the amount of signatures we got, so he said we could present at a school board meeting in March!" 

"March? That's kind of far away," Pearl said. 

"Small progress is still progress," Garnet said. 

"You're right!" Pearl smiled. "This is really awesome! We really have a chance to change their minds."

"I heard the speech you gave last week was lit, and I think we should turn that into a complete presentation," Garnet said. 

"Really?" An aching pain rang through her chest. "I don't think that--" 

"Pearl. I know you'll do great," Garnet said. "And I'll be there to help." 

They took a table, and Garnet said, glancing over to Amethyst and Vidalia's table, "Is Ame afraid of sitting with us because Rose and Elle are going to, which means Eddie might also sit with us?" 

"Yes," Pearl said, sighing. "Maybe we should all start eating in the library or something." 

"But what about you sitting with Rose? Elle will probably always find her at lunch." 

"I, um, I guess I could..." Pearl actually had no idea how to rectify this situation. 

Before Pearl could continue this conversation with Garnet, Rose sat down next to Pearl, and gave a quick squeeze of Pearl's thigh before taking out her lunch bag. Since Pearl was wearing a skirt, the touch of Rose's fingers against her skin made Pearl blush.

"Where's Amethyst?" Rose asked. 

"She likes Vidalia," Pearl said. "They have a thing going on, so sometimes she sits with her." 

"Oh, cool," Rose said, propping herself up on the table by her elbow. 

"Garnet has some exciting news," Pearl said, trying to change the subject.

"The petition worked!" Garnet said. 

"Seriously?!" Rose said. 

"Well, it kind of worked. Principal Reyes said we could present at a school board meeting in March since they're the ones who vote on contracts for that kind of stuff. But now we're one step closer to banning single-use plastics! And honestly, a big part of the reason we got so many signatures was because of you, Rose," Garnet said. "So, thank you. Really. I cannot even begin to tell you how much you helped." 

A nervous smile lit up Rose's face, and her eyes reddened like she was about to cry. "It's nothing, really. I care a lot about this. And..." Rose wrapped her arm around Pearl, bringing her in for a quick hug where their cheeks touched and Rose's skin felt like fire against Pearl's. "I couldn't have gotten that many signatures without Pearl. She knows literally everything about it." 

Pearl could stay like this forever, but they couldn't. When Rose pulled away, Pearl's felt cold, like a part of her was missing. 

"She does!" Garnet said. "We're going to present to the school board in March. And I think we should expand Pearl's recruitment presentation into something with a slideshow or a video. Maybe even something interactive. I haven't ironed out the details yet." 

"I love that idea!" Rose said. 

Pearl didn't. Speaking in front of official school board members sounded like a bad dream. 

Elle sat with them at lunch, although Eddie did not join them because he was, according to Elle, "In the weight-room. He needs to be in better shape if he's going to play baseball in college." 

After Elle blabbered on about Eddie's whereabouts, Rose spotted Pearl's pile of college brochures and said, "Let me guess, you had your guidance meeting today." 

"Yeah," Pearl said. "It's a little overwhelming." 

"Let me see," Rose said as if she was pretending to ask for permission. Once she grabbed the pile, she picked though it. "There's, like, every Ivy League school in here." Teeth gnawed at Rose's bottom lip. "Are you in the top five of your class?" 

"Maybe," Pearl said. To avoid the subject, she started opening her lunch box to nibble on her carrot sticks. She knew Rose would insist that Pearl should go to Princeton so they can be together all the time. 

To be honest, Pearl would not mind that situation at all, but the likelihood of it actually happening was slim. How was Pearl supposed to explain to Rose how financial aid worked; that a parent needed to fill out their information until the student was twenty-three? Did Rose even know what financial aid was? Probably not. 

When someone doesn't need something, the concept will not even enter their mind. 

"Well, I think you know where you should go." Rose rested her chin on Pearl's shoulder with her large brown eyes looking up at Pearl, which made Pearl unable to decide if this was too much physical contact for school right in front of Anne-Marie and the Jesus Freaks. Wintergreen gum stung Pearl's nose. She wanted to kiss Rose so badly. 

After school Pearl was determined to track down Amethyst. The only problem was that she had Calculus last, and Rose was in that class with her. Once the bell rang, Rose was glued to Pearl's side, asking Pearl if she could drive her to dance so they could fool around in Rose's car before the class. 

"Come on baby," she whispered. "All day yesterday I was right next to you, and I couldn't even touch you. Please." 

Pearl knew Amethyst would never forgive her if she ditched her for Rose. 

"I can't," Pearl said. "I promised Amethyst I would walk with her. I'll see you later tonight after dance, and then we can have a lot of fun together." 

"Fine," Rose said, stoic and with slight irritation in her voice. "I guess I'll see you later." But then Rose looked down at Pearl's locker and saw that Pearl had put on her black puffy coat that was light enough to wear in the fall, but warm enough to get through winter. "You don't like the coat?" 

"No. Not all all! I actually really love the coat!" Pearl stumbled on her words. "Like, I really love it, I just want to make sure I wear it for like special occasions because it's made of cashmere and--" 

"But...it's an everyday coat," Rose said. A pout formed as her lips pursed.

"Oh...Of course it's an everyday coat!" If Pearl's mouth was not dry, she would have gulped. However, more than anything in the world, she wanted to make Rose happy, and if wearing this coat was part of the key to that, she would do it. Her shoulders slung down as she shook off the old black coat, which did admittedly have a few holes in it, and switched it out for the grey cashmere one Rose gave her. 

"Oh my God, you look so cute!" Rose said before hugging her. 

"Thanks," Pearl said.

Rose said goodbye, and then she went off up the hill to the senior parking lot, leaving Pearl alone in front of the doors to Beach City High School to wait for Amethyst, who never showed up. Texting her didn't work. Pearl sent about five texts to her asking where she was, so Pearl began walking to dance, shoving her hands into her new, soft coat pockets. As she made her way down the main road, she felt someone behind her grab both of her shoulders, slightly pulling her backward. 

"Lit coat. Very soft. Looks warm," Amethyst said. "You going to let her dress you up now?" 

"How do you know I didn't buy this?" 

"Cause you're broke, and she's the complete opposite of broke. Also, she has the exact same coat in blue." 

"She's just being nice," Pearl said, and then she dreamily added, "because she loves me." Pearl let out a sigh. "Yesterday you were telling me to ask for money from her, and now you're here telling me not to accept things as gifts." 

"It's different," Amethyst said. 

"Why?" 

"Because money can be paid back," Amethyst said. "In installments and shit. That's what Jasper lets people do...sometimes." 

Pearl stopped short when she realized that she had no way of reciprocating these gifts. "What do I get her?" 

"And there's the problem," Amethyst said, patting Pearl on the shoulder. They made eye contact, allowing Pearl to stare directly into Amethyst's brown eyes. "Dude, are you wearing make-up?" 

"Uh, yeah," Pearl said. 

"When did that happen? Is Tommy G prepping for an exorcism for this infraction? I must have been too panicked about seeing Elle this morning, that I didn't notice." (Tommy G was the name Amethyst called Pearl's father sometimes). 

"It was their idea. I think they're trying to give me a little leeway so I'm more receptive to Jacob." 

"I saw him get out of Tommy G's car yesterday. He's a total snacc," Amethyst said as she began walking again. "I mean, I might convert to your religion just to hop into his dating pool." 

Pearl laughed at this as she followed Amethyst.

"The only way he's going to take you on as a swimming partner is if you marry him," Pearl said. 

"That's a hard, 'no,'" Amethyst said. "I like being a heathen." 

"I'm like the only person who has no interest in dating him, yet I'm the one he likes." 

"That's the kind of luck you have." 

"Bet," Pearl said. 

Amethyst kicked a rock on the ground. It went sideways and ended up rolling across the road.

"I'm sorry about this whole Eddie situation. I know you didn't realize he was with Elle when it happened," Pearl said. 

"I'm going to let this whole thing blow over. In like two weeks, he probably wont even remember who I am." Amethyst shrugged. "Because Eddie is a fucking douchebag -- a good looking douchebag-- and, yes, I it was fun to hang out with him for one night, but I know he's never going to break up with Elle for someone like me." 

"He'd be lucky to date someone as awesome and beautiful as you."

"Thanks for being nice," Amethyst said. "Besides I like being single. Let's me hang out with many people."

"It's the truth...about you being beautiful, and kind, and funny, and your hair falls down to your back like a lilac waterfall," Pearl said. 

"Aw, P, you always know the kind of poetry shit to make a girl swoon all over you," Amethyst said. "Just promise you wont tell Rose about this whole thing with me and Eddie."

"I wouldn't tell Rose those things," Pearl said. 

"You sure?" Amethyst smirked. "I don't know about that. She bulldozed her way into a dinner invitation at your house, and you're skipping stuff to hang out with her. It's like she has you wrapped around her finger." 

"Wrapped around her finger?" 

"You can't say 'no,' to her," Amethyst said. "You don't how to set boundaries because your parents don't have any. And she's a rich kid who gets whatever she wants." 

They were at the strip mall that contained Cate's dance school, so Pearl stopped. "I know how to set boundaries. We have boundaries. She wanted to drive me to dance so we could hook up in her car before my class started, but I said 'no' because I promised you we would talk." 

"But you took the coat," Amethyst said. "And I'm worried about what's going to happen when you get more coats." 

Amethyst had to be exaggerating. Maybe she was jealous? Rose already loved her, and the gifts just showed that. Wasn't there a thing called "love languages"? Pearl had heard someone mention it before. 

"I already have a coat," Pearl said. 

Before Pearl could further respond to Amethyst's coat metaphor, her Real Phone buzzed in her pocket. "Hold on," Pearl said as she fished out the phone from her pocket.

"That's the real one?" Amethyst asked.

"Uh, yeah."

"Is it your mom or your dad?"

"It's my grandmother," Pearl said. "I should probably take this."

"All righty," Amethyst said. "You want to go skate after dah-nce?" She waved her arms in the air like a graceful bird, imitating dance moves as she flung her legs into the air with karate kicks.

"I'm tutoring Rose in calculus after dance," Pearl said.

"Of course you are 'tutoring'," Amethyst said, using air quotes. 

"I am really tutoring her! She's like failing calc. I'm sorry!"

"You're not. It's fine," Amethyst said. "Bye then. I'll catch you tomorrow."

"Love you," Pearl said. 

"Same," Amethyst said, giving Pearl a dismissive wave.

Pearl wished she could go after Amethyst and explain that her and Rose were fine -- in fact they were more than fine. And Pearl would find a way to reciprocate Rose's gift by getting Rose something. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say things will get messy. Why? These two have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like, so chaos shall ensue before things can get better. (That's the number one reason I made an effort to show everyone's home life). Sorry. I'm technically following the canon loosely, and this has to happen. But this WILL have a happy ending, and character growth still needs to happen. This will be like 120,000 words in total.


End file.
